When practice is cancelled

Well, we all hate to get the e-mail saying that practice is cancelled. Even if it's because of an epic snowstorm... That turned out to not be epic at all... But we have snow in NYC and I love it, even if both practice on Monday was cancelled and drop-in scrimmage yesterday... But Gotham ALLSTARS have off-skate homework... And this is when living with Violet and Vish really has its perks... Off-skate workout two days in a row with Vish, Violet and Kenbo... Yeah... I am so ready for this season to get kicking!!

Kenbo is our private DJ

And so it is...

The first time you see someone, really see someone, something you never saw before,not until that one time, when both of you lock eyes and you kiss.

Its a piece of magic, and its like that song "i feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes"

And thats when you know, you fucking know that you will feel something and it scares the crap out of you, and you want to run, you want out, but you take another step. You step closer, you intensify that kiss and you find yourself naked. Words are now a danger, every touch is a feeling of chaos inside and out and sends ripples of pleasure and pain. 

Running now would be excused, you be back to feeling nothing - the glorious nothing. 

And you fucking run, like a bunny hopping over a meadow, you run, like you were chased by wolves  and you wake up in the darkest and most quiet places, in your own nothingness and you cry loud because no one can ever hear you here.

It's snowing in NYC

So we are supposed to get a crazy amount of snow and there is a citywide emergency alert, trains and roads are shutting down. And worst of all practice got cancelled. Living with two other Gotham Allstars have the perk (?) that we still got motivated and did a work-out. So much fun! I love having people to work out with! I'm not really that great of a self-motivator.

It's crazy how the entire city is shutting down over some snow... But we are all set, we bought a bunch of religious candles at the bodega, in case the electricy goes out. We are stocked with food, Violet is making chili, Vish is gonna bake shortbread cookies (my favourite) and I'm gonna make the Swedish version of mulled wine (Glögg). Yay for having the best roomies and friends ever! 

Scrimmage with Stockholm Rollerderby

Me and Blow Me having the best of times... as always

On Sunday I went to scrimmage with Stockholm, and it was superfun. I miss my old team, it would be strange if I didn't. It's a group of hardworking and compassionate women. They are among the top teams in Europe and are really deserving of the high ranking they acheived this year. Some of the most fun bouts I've ever played were played with Stockholm Allstars. I think I will always feel like I'm a part of Stockholm, it's that one leauge I just can't really leave, Stockholm is and will always be in my heart, and they say that your home is where your heart is.

I had SUCH a blast, and I'm REALLY happy that I went! I can't wait until I am back in Stockholm again and can come and play again! 

Back on skates in Stockholm

Smashed, Calla, Becky and Amy for breakfast

Got back from Brazil on Friday and a few hours later I'm at Stockholm Rollerderby practice. It was delightful and amazing to be back with my old team and it was amazing to be on skates again. It is always amazing to be on skates, but after over a month of not skating, it was extra awesome. I spent the night at my derby wife's house and got two blankets! Talk about luxurary... In the morning Becky and her gf came by, and we had American pancakes with fixings. Me so happy.

I am still unsure of my 2015 personal goals, but I'm certain about one thing, and that is: that the world of Rollerderby is expanding.

I'm currently trying to get out of bed so I can join Stockholm for scrimmage. Sometimes it's just not the easiest...

An old Facebook status I wanted to share...

This will be a long post, it's about how I bought a pair of rollerskates, fell into the lap of rollerderby and never turned back.  It's about how I always strive to be the best I can be; as a skater, coach, teammate, person and friend. It is about not crumbling under pressure and expectations, it's about all the friends I've made and the weird rumours I've heard about myself. It's about how fit I've become, about the countless hours I've put into planning, accommodating and helping others. It's about how thankful I am to every person that been there along the way, how every coach and teammate has pushed me in different ways, how we together have won, lost and afterpartied. It is about all the places I've traveled to, all the airports I've visited and the awards I've gotten. It's about being different and accepted. It's about all the games I've played, coached and watched. It's about being nervous and not showing it, it's about pepptalks, broken skates, broken hearts and suprises. It's about trust and smiles, it's about the wins, beers and injuries. It's about two whistles that became one and it's about women, men and juniors, it's about long meetings, phonecalls, tears and lack of training facilities. It's about taking the time, working out and soreness, it's about falling in love and it's about the past seven years of my life... 

With Love from Brazil

It's my BIRTHDAY and I at least look toned

I have never been off-skates for this long before. My last practice I went to was with Shock Exchange the day before I left NYC. I was even a tad sick then and sat out the last few minutes of scrimmage.

Since then I've been a busy bee and catched up on work in Sweden, hung out with friends and family. And now I'm in Brazil, and it's nice here, it is warm and my body is happy with me. 

Me and my brother have taken some surf classes, and I regret to tell you that I'm now leaving roller derby to pursue a career in surfing... Or nooot! I am not very good, I guess it's good to get to suck at things sometimes... 

Ah, well... at least I'm trying to regain some fitness that I lost during the Holidays and by being sick. I'm also adjusting and about to tackel some major things in life. I can't wait to be back on skates, it will hurt so good. Oh, and I'm as tanned as I can be... And I still have FOUR more days to complete my transformation to a tanned beach babe. (Not that looks matter, but they do)

World Cup 2014 - it's coming

When I was looking over the past year I realised how much Team Sweden was present, how we practiced, how we bouted and anticipated Dallas. I always been really excited about Team Sweden, it's great to see how your teammates all raise to occasion and how everyone work so hard. It's great to see how Sweden is growing as a rollerderby nation and how I very much have had the opportunity to be a big part of that. I and so many others with me have put hours of time into helping, developing, meeting and talking about how, where, when, who and why. It's sometimes a thankless job, but in the end is super rewarding, especially when your national team end up being number SIX in the world among 30 nations.

I still have not really had the urge to write about the World Cup, it's not because it wasn't awesome, it's more because I have so many other things going on in my life that I have to focus on. But I WILL recap the World Cup in a few days.

I am also getting back to shape after taking a break during the hollidays...and you can read more about that here: http://swedehurt.blogspot.com/2015/01/back-in-shape-for-2014-15-days-of.html

Recap January - May 2014

2014 was not the greatest of years, I did get lots done, I met some amazing people and I played a lot of rollerderby and almost burnt out trying to juggle work, personal life and rollerderby. 2014 started off with a BANG every weekend was travels and every weekday was practice or rollerderby related meetings over the phone or in real life.



January
Year kicked off with WinterGames bootcamp, that I coached togeher with Eagle. It was supersuccessful, and it felt liek all the hard work leading up to WinterGames was worth it. I also went to LA and played with Team Wolfpack both on the banked and the flattrack. I got to catch up with some old friends in LA and also met some new faces, like Violet, who now is my roomate.

February
Started with EROC in Berlin where I got to see many of my amazing friends from allover the world (mostly Europe) and worked hard on continously evolve rollerderby as a sport and organizational. It truly have been amazing to be able to witness the developmant of EROC. We also went to Dresden and coached togetehr with Fisti Cuffs.. .and we had a great time. I ended the month with a Team Sweden training camp.
I also got to attend my first QX GayGala presentign Film of the Year and me, Loony and Oona where also skating in the opening show.

Team Sweden and Team Finland, two teams that the world will see more of

March
The month started with going to Helsinki to play Team Finland with Team Sweden. We lost but had a great time and developed as a team. On the following day we scrimamged Helsinki and then went to a typical Finnish sauna, that means NAKED. I was staying with Only and Pygmi as usual, I love that I have those two in my life. They also have a sauna in their apartment where we spent tiem and drink alcoholfree beer.  I was interviewed in QX together with the other girls from Flator, and we almost made the cover. And the month was ended by playing Crime City with Stockholm Rollerderby, a bout we won and another Team Sweden bootcamp the next day.





April
Was the premiere of Flator, I went to Malmö and attended a Swedish Skating Association planning weekend and Stockholm Rollerderby played Rocky Mountain (Denver). It was the last game before we headed to Florida. Work was busy... I also went to Munchen and coached, and it was superduper fun, and I got to hang out with my former team-mate Ima Handful. It was an odd time, I wasn't really sure how I felt about being on TV, I don't think I really had given this enought thought (anyone suprised?).

Oona, CrackHer, Me and Mina... POWERLINE

May
I went with Stockholm Rollerderby to Beach Brawl and impressed and suprised everyone by playing way above our ranking. After that I went to Portland and visited Eagle, went camping and got to practice with Rose a whole bunch, we had a very emotional talk where decided to put our relationship on hold until RollerCon.
On the way home I touched down in NYC and seed of moving to NYC was planted. Back in Europe I went for work in Tallinn and then straight to London to play two bouts with Team Sweden. I was mentally exhausted and even if I played well, I mostly wanted to cry. I didn't really feel I was performing well in any field of my life.

Sweden vs. England, we impressed ourselves more than anyone else. 

Happy Holidays from Sweden

I guess in my case I'd say Merry Christmas since I come from a Swedish Lutheran tradition, secular but we have a bearded white man give us gifts on the 24th of December. In Sweden we like to be one step ahead so we do the gifts and celebration a day before most others. 

In my family the adults dont give each other gifts, and for some reason they (whoever THEY are) decided Im an adult and don't get anything. We DO play a game of Christmas gifts, where you acctually compete for your gifts. Yeah, so this year I participated in two games and all I won was dried mushrooms and a hammer. I can't complain, I'll make a delisous chanterelle soup and make sure to hammer something up or down.

My best friend Em who usually lives in Paris just came into town for a few days. It's real awesome! NowI just wish my NYC family could be here too... Most of all of course Carnage. 

When they say expect the unexpected, this was not what I think theymeant, or maybe it was.

For some reason I have A Camps song "Love is stronger than Jesus" echoing in the back of my head right now. IF you havent heard it i strongly recommend it... Well, this post is not really about rollerderby, because sometimes life and love happens.

They say that love will strike unexpected, and that you never know with who or when. About eight years ago I told my mom that I probably never would bring home a boy again, and then I came out to all my friends. Maybe, just maybe I came out to my friends first and then I told my mother who of course told my father, because that's how it works in my family, there are no secrets. That's probably why my brother never have brought home a girlfriend. He's probably the smarter one of us.

Me on the other hand brought home a few girlfriends, my family never cared who I dated as long as they treated me well and I was happy. They always treated my partner as my partner, like a person that I was involved in, some they liked more than others. 
I've been really out and proud, i was even on a TV-show called Flator (aka Lesbians). 

 Being gay in the rollerderby community probably is one of the most comfortable experiences. My sexuality and love was never questioned and I never really questioned it myself, it just was never an issue. I love the friendships I've gained through Vagine Regime, and I truly believe that you fall in love, you fall in love and you look past gender just the way you look past so many other things when you fall in love, but that's me, that is who I am. I just didn't think it really applied to me, looking past genders I mean.

 But it all began when me and Kenbo decided to play reallife Tinder, a joke of course since tinder terrifies me, and hitting on on people at the bar is even worse... But we gave it a good (unsuccessful) go, maybe because we were too sober, maybe because it was Sunday, maybe because it was a terrible but hillerious thought that never should be put into action. 

So I found myself walking home with Violet who I live with and this dude. I didn't really know him that well, I knew he was a friend of my friends, played for NYSE and I thought he was attractive, for a few reasons. He was kindly escorting us home since we live in such a lovely neighbourhood, and probably also because we are such delightful company. When we got home we (probably me) offered him homemade cheesecake, one of those things that happen to frequent our refrigerator. (Thanks to Vish) He looked so adorable and a little lost on our couch when we ran around the apartment and I sat down next to him. And we talked, and we talked, and we talked.... and later that night he leaned in and kissed me, and I kissed him back.

 I didn't fall in love with him then, and maybe not the next day when he took me on a date and maybe not for a while, but my heart flutters when I hear his voice and I miss him when I'm not with him. I don't know where this is going, I don't know at all, and it confuses me and it makes me worry. I can't help it, and he just happen to be a he, and it's all so crazy weird to tell your mom "yeah, I'm seeing someone, it's a guy". It sort of is like coming out to the world again, and NO I'm not straight, I'm in love! (Well, you know what I mean)

 I probably shouldn't put so much value on his gender, because I really don't care, he's got a beard and a penis, so what!? IF I don't care, why should anyone care?

 Him is what I fell for, the way he takes my hand when we walk down the street, how he tries to make me understand rhythm, how he buys me icecream when I want it and how he always has iced coffee on his way to work, how I can block him, and how frustrated I get when he get past me. How he looks at me. And the way I feel when I'm with him, and it also brings me to the point where I miss him being half a world away. 

 He's in New York and I'm in Stockholm and it makes me feel lonely.

Ready for the World Cup

Name and number: Berglöf "Swede Hurt", #46.
What is your home league? Gotham Girls Rollerderby.
What's your preferred position on the track? I love blocking, but I will do whatever the team is asking and need me to do. I'll jam, and I do think it is fun, but I wouldn't like to be a main jammer.

When did you start with Roller Derby? November 2007.
What's your derby motto? Tillsammans, tillsammans, tillsammans (Together, together, together).
I love that rollerderby is a teamsport, we win together and we lose together. We go out on the track together and make each other shine.

Which song is your best theme song?
I don't really have a specific song, but it probably be a The Sounds song.

StateWars 2014 in Daytona Beach

Photo by Ken LeBleu

I wasn't sure if I was going to go or not, but in the end I couldn't say no to such a opportunity. I was in Sweden so I was supposed to fly into Ft. Laurendale late Thursday, rent a car and drive up to Daytona. 

Well, Norwegian Air had different plans for me, since their the flight was 11h delayed. I came in early Friday morning and missed my first game against Iowa. I guess shit happens. But the next game was just a few hours away and we played Oklahoma, and secured a substantial win.  I was superexcited to see my roommate Vish and brother from another mother Kenbo, but in all honesty I was the most excited to see Carnage who's arms I just ran into when I saw him. The Men's New York team only had nine players, still they looked really strong. 

Saturday we started off the day playing Mass - even if I went to bed thinking we were supposed to play Wisconsin or Alabama. The scedual kept on confusing me, but I cant really say that I made a huge effort to understand it, I just showed up and played rollerderby. After beating Mass we played Georgia, and we won that game too.  So according to scedual we were supposed to play Iowa (again) and we decided that we wanted to play them again. Because we thought we could win, we were wrong. 

Loosing to Iowa set us up to play Texas 8.30 am on Sunday morning. The Texas game turned out to be superclose, first we had a substatial lead, and then in the second half they pulled away for a bit. Maven had an amazing last jam, but in the end they beat us. We really wanted to win, but our bodies were just tired and we were exhausted, my toe was really hurting and taking my skates off was sort of a relief. I still love rollerderby, and I would gladly have played two more bouts.

In the end Colorado went on and won it all, thier team looked superstrong and they played Texas in the final. I guess I can be ok with loosing to the team that took second.

I had an amazing time at StateWars, got to play five bouts and got to spend time with old and new friends. After party was a few beers and a burger for me, the burger was the real highlight. i took a slow walk on the beach and it was really peaceful before I went back to our crowded hotelroom.

I am thankful and happy that I had an opportunity to skate on Team New York. And congratulations to Team Colorado for taking home the win! And congratulations to Carnage on the New York Mens team that took home tournament MVP.

Recap of the past month... sort of...

I am sorry friends, family and others that happen to read my blog, I've really been lacking in writing and skating, dating, writing, thinking and working out. I just have not had time to reflect about anything but the current "right now" state of union.

I downloaded Tinder for a day, turned it into a real life game and met a person that made my heart skip and jump a beat. It's sort of magical and amazing.

I also practices, practiced, practices and went to WFTDA Champs and got to be a part of the team that once again brought the Hydra home. It was beyond an amazing weekend, the level of play was just AMAZING, the athletic aspect of rollerderby is just raising each year and it makes me proud and excited to be a part of the community. I also got to see lots of friends from allover the world, Mainey,Eagle, Rotten, Krissy Krash, Demanda, Mad Dog, Kasey Bomber, Nasty Trick and tons of more... Its just amazing to be a part of a rollerderby and all the great people and friends I have made.

I went back to NYC and spent even more time with this amazing person, just to realise that sometimes you just ought to follow your heart whatever other people say. So I am. I ended up NSOing a scrimmage in Philly, since I went down with Kenbo, Frozen and Carnage, my first time NSOing. I've done almost everything in derby, and now I can add NSOing to the list of things that I have done.

Kenbo, Carnage, me and Frozen on ourway to Philly

And then I went to Sweden to work and attend WET, an European WFTDA tournament in my old hood, Crime City was hosting. I was amazined over how great all the teams did. I was happy to have OMG representing Brooklyn Skates at the tournament. I just got new skates, and I played a bout in them the second time I wore them. Oh, yeah, that happened at WET, a European mixed team called EuroTräsh played Team Finland. It was SO MUCH FUN. OH, and Stockholm did fantastic, I am so happy and proud of them. They showed that they are much better than their ranking indicated. Stockholm will always have a special place in my heart!

Oona, me and Fluke at WET

So, as you can tell I've been really busy and now I'm back in Stockholm again, but heading to Florida and StateWars tomorrow. Another adventure and I get to see some of my best friends and also finally get to rest in the arms of somone special.

Going to WET 2014

Today I travel to Copenhagen to hang out with OMG and Krazy Kris for a night before the WET tournament begins. 10 European teams of great caliber face off during three days in Malmö, my old hometown. I am looking forward to see this, I am looking forward to be a part of this.

I am  part of an European Allstar team that is going to bout against Team Finland on Sunday and on Saturday, Team Sweden has practice, at 07.30 AM... I am looking forward to both occations.

I miss NYC, especially a certain person that I grown very fond of, a person that makes my heart skip and jump, but I m also happy to be back in Sweden where it all began four years ago. Sometimes it's hard to feel so torn between two different places. 

Off-season... oh no it's not yet

WFTDA Championships 2014

We went to Nashville for Champs, and it was an amazing weekend with some of the best rollerderby ever. My team is amazing and I love that we play so well together. I didn't make the roster, but I know I'm still an important part of this team, and being able to be there and suppport the team also means something.

I got to meet friends from allover the world, and I relise how important rollerderby is to me, and how much I love to play the sport, how much I love to skate, skate, skate... and all my friends that I have in rollerderby.

Photo by Sean Hale

Another practice, blisters, and just that thang... learning

Sometimes everything is just great, just great, I'm hyper (most of the time) and I want to do everything. Yesterday I went to open skate and then stayed around for NYSE practice that Jonathan R lead. I had blisters when I started skating... 4 hours later, they were no better... that's all I can say on that matter. We all choose dumb things at times... my blisters choose to not go away... but dont worry, we will have words.

I am constantly feeling like I am catching up on skills, the past four years I developed a lot, but my prime focus was to teach and coach others, to develop teams and rollerderby in general. On many oaccations me being the most seasoned and skilled skater. And as I've said before, I don't mind, I love being able to coach and share all the derby with everyone.

BUT it is really amazing to be able to go to a practice and learn a bunch of new skills, well, at least take a stab at them. Yesterday it was fun, because we did a bunch of skills that were derived from speedskating, artistic skating and jamskating... and against my own better understanding, we scrimmaged for a bit.

Yeah.... I am hurting today, from using a bunch of unkonwm muscles and from a nice hit I got that really sent me flying... happens... it happens...

So far this month I have skated for about 36 hours (including my outdoor skate) - and I've gotten better at feeding myself. I've started to cook at home, at this point I might be making a little too much pasta, but yesterday I made crepes filled with mincedmeat sauce. Freaking amazing in my mouth after practice. 

Two weeks til Champs

Gotham Allstars practice today - things that were mentioned: buttplugg and pullout after 10-15 seconds...

At times I want to cry, because it is hard. And then I laugh, really hard, because those amazing woman around me are all on my team. 

Pink hair and NYSE getting THIRD

I woke up this morning wearing a gold lamé dress and my hair pink with golden jewlery stuck in it. Sometimes things just don't end up the way you plan them to be, and for the past few months I've tried to be more carefree... I guess this really shows success...

I even felt slightly hung over, and when checking my e-mail I realised that I missed dodgeball with NYSE. I was still in time for the GGRD/NYSE combined on-skate part of practice. Most of the dudes were in Tacoma an dcurrently GGRD are in off-seson, except from us Allstars... so it was not really the busiest. We ended a little early to grab food before we sat down and watched NYSE play.. .and that was the rest of the day... I watched mens derby with a bunch of people and I enjoyed it. I still have to say that "come on my chest" is a thought that pops up ever so often... sooo much chest to chest action... at times in the Puget Sound/NYSE they skated so close chest to chest I think they were about to ask each other out on a date. At least they seem to have enought time to share some real intimte time...

NYSE ended up third - so we celebrated that with some nice cava...  SO many CONGRATULATIONS to NYSE, you guys did awesome and it was great to watch you. Being able to skate with those guys really have given me a new and more positive look on merby, and it has been superfun. And it was fun to watch Southern Discomfort... GO England! Derby truly is sreching allover the world...

And then I went home, L-train through Bushwick while Maven was falling asleep on my shoulder. I am for once starting to feel like I have my feet under me in a very long time. I think I'm starting to feel like I'm home.

Night ending with listen to all sorts of music together with Vish and eating ice-cream... yeah... it is life!

Insomnia is for sure still something that I have to deal with, and at times I think we might have a korean waterghost in the apartment...