Ups and downs in life

Sometimes life feels really unfair, I just had a lot of things falling in place the last year. I felt stronger and more confident. I did a lot of soulsearching and found what I wanted to do. I applied for a masters degre and got accepted. I was figuring things out with the person my heart had been cirkeling around for a long time and I was feeling like I was at a really good spot in rollerderby.

I went home to Sweden and applied for my student visa, since I have a BA from a University in US,  a masters from a US University makes more sense. And I got a NO.

I seriously felt like I was going to throw up, my entire lifeplan sort of got turned over and I called my best friend and cried. I wanted this education really bad, and I wanted to end the season with the team that I had worked really hard with all season. It was heartbreaking in all sorts of ways. I miss my friends and I miss the freedom of doing what I wantto do, the freedom of follow my own heart and choices.

I am figuring things out, and of course I know that it's a first world problem. I am not starving and I have a job. I signed up for classes in Stockholm and been walking in the woods and loving the nature. I have been working out lot's and I am probably more fit than I've ever been. I have even started to run... and that my friends, is crazytalk in my world.

At Good To Go with Loony, Dominå, Calla and Smashed

I have amazing friends here and I have no right to complain, still, it is not a great spot to be in. This is not what I wanted, this is not what I planned for. I broke down the weekend Gotham played at playoffs, I wanted to be there so bad. I miss the team so much! I am also really sad I am missing ManChamps this weekend with Shock. I would have loved to be on the bench supporting my guys!

Things just don't work out the way you expect them to all the time, and I guess you can only do your best. Smile when you cry on the inside and pick up another book on the subject you want to study. In the end it is only you who limit yourself, your thoughts on what you can do... but also... I can't manipulate the thoughts of immigration... so my limits acctually are there...

The best part has been all the nature... Fresh air and woods... 

Back on skates in Stockholm

Smashed, Calla, Becky and Amy for breakfast

Got back from Brazil on Friday and a few hours later I'm at Stockholm Rollerderby practice. It was delightful and amazing to be back with my old team and it was amazing to be on skates again. It is always amazing to be on skates, but after over a month of not skating, it was extra awesome. I spent the night at my derby wife's house and got two blankets! Talk about luxurary... In the morning Becky and her gf came by, and we had American pancakes with fixings. Me so happy.

I am still unsure of my 2015 personal goals, but I'm certain about one thing, and that is: that the world of Rollerderby is expanding.

I'm currently trying to get out of bed so I can join Stockholm for scrimmage. Sometimes it's just not the easiest...

Blast from the past

I do have friends from before derby! A few that is!

Right now Trish is here visiting - it's quite a blast! It's nice to hang out and chill and just not have too much planned! All weekend was chill, me and Only went to a gigantic flea market and I found another jeanjacket I can turn into what Tush likes to call "a party vest" and you can apperently not have enough of those.
Oh and on Saturday Sookie and her husband Zok invited me, Trish, Smashed and Calla for BBQ. And that was super mellow and nice - yep - it was a good weekend!

We found SKATES

To much crap to buy! 

She's truly excited to be back in Stockholm!

I love my wife

Smashed is smashed after a few beers

Chillin in Stockholm

So one day we spent in Malmö, before we headed up to Stockholm (that is a seven hour drive) to see friends and family, but also to host the annual ''non-Midsummer but Midsummer party''. So yesterday night was chill, since the party is tonight, so we just hung out at Jazz Ass place with CalaVera, Smashed and Twisted, had a beer or two, made the very Swedish dish tacos, almost went to a dive dyke bar to watch dive dykes, but ended up watching Fight Club... I fell asleep on the floor despite the fact that I made the strongest coffee (and most disgusthing)...

So we have 24 people coming over to my mothers house - to eat drink and celebrate that we are going towards darker times... and of course the law of alla jävligheters jävlighet - the water pump has broken, and we have no water... So now we gonna pretend we are little scouts and do what Tim Gunner would tell us ''make it work''...

Hanging with friends in the sun - with skates on side

Spreading gears and girls in sun

I went outdoor skating (again) on my new purple Pure wheels together with, SpeedSlut, Twisted, Jazz, Crazy Kris and my beloved Mad Maloony and we only skated for about 30 minutes before we found a piece of grass in the sun and chilled. It is nice to take it chill once in a while - so we sat around - snacked and had a tiny bit of sparkling pink wine. Yayaaa...
After working on our tans for about an hour we got up and skated back to the city where me and Loony picked up CallaVera and my future wife to be Smashed and hauled them to Ekerö (where my mother lives) so we could just chill and look out over the water.
Stockholm is so different to outdoor skate in compared to Malmö, in Stockholm there are hills everywhere, while Malmö is flat like a pancake. I am still getting used to being outdoors again and hills make me a tiny bit nervous - while Loony and Kris just bolts right down them, her and Kris are both crazy, I guess that is why they have Mad and Crazy in their derbynames....

Oh, oh, oh, and there was a bunch of older people singing/interpetating Fjäril Vingad syns på Haga right behind our little picnic spot... it was odd, but for SURE entertaining.

I love Stockholm - it's something special about the place you grew up...

Bout in Copenhagen

Beers in the line to the bout with STRD - they have gotten GANGJACKETS!! - (Smashed, CallaVera, Husse me and HyperNova)

So yesterday was the first bout ever in Denmark, GoGo Gent vs. Copenhagen... Copenhagen is Loony old league so of course we went over to support them, but also because we love to watch derby and I was really curious to see what the level on Gent was on. Copenhagen got beat with over 200 points a couple of weeks ago by Royal Windsor but I heard the loss was not because of the lack of skating ability, but major penalty trouble. I also knew that GoGo Gent lost to Berlin a few weeks ago, so I really did not know what to expect. So we put on out best outfits and grabbed our skates to go over the looong bridge to Copenhagen.
It seemed like Copenhagen really worked on their penaltys, while it was GoGo Gent who kept on going to the box. Both teams put up a good game, but it was finally that Copenhagen had two outstanding jammers that made them seal the deal and claim the win.

I got lured into drinking neon yellow shots at some bar - and after that it was all downhill. I think dying your hair with the same sort of color as you did when you where in middle school - probably makes you drink like a 14-year old too... yeah... Apperently I put Husse on a train back to Stockholm and took a bus to another island, when I was trying to go back to Krazy Kris house...

Me and Kris, me wearing Vix shirt for unknown reason

In the morning Kris and Loony baked bread and then Hyper and Fluke came by and we all went on a 15km skate and I kid you not, I think I was still drunk (don't try this at home kids)... But it was awesome as ever to go outdoorskating out by the sea in the springsun that is slowly turning into summer... I will have a tan in no time if this keep up! And after our 15 km skate (was crazy, they took a road with COBBLESTONE) we met up with CallaVera and Smashed and had sushi...