Another practice, blisters, and just that thang... learning

Sometimes everything is just great, just great, I'm hyper (most of the time) and I want to do everything. Yesterday I went to open skate and then stayed around for NYSE practice that Jonathan R lead. I had blisters when I started skating... 4 hours later, they were no better... that's all I can say on that matter. We all choose dumb things at times... my blisters choose to not go away... but dont worry, we will have words.

I am constantly feeling like I am catching up on skills, the past four years I developed a lot, but my prime focus was to teach and coach others, to develop teams and rollerderby in general. On many oaccations me being the most seasoned and skilled skater. And as I've said before, I don't mind, I love being able to coach and share all the derby with everyone.

BUT it is really amazing to be able to go to a practice and learn a bunch of new skills, well, at least take a stab at them. Yesterday it was fun, because we did a bunch of skills that were derived from speedskating, artistic skating and jamskating... and against my own better understanding, we scrimmaged for a bit.

Yeah.... I am hurting today, from using a bunch of unkonwm muscles and from a nice hit I got that really sent me flying... happens... it happens...

So far this month I have skated for about 36 hours (including my outdoor skate) - and I've gotten better at feeding myself. I've started to cook at home, at this point I might be making a little too much pasta, but yesterday I made crepes filled with mincedmeat sauce. Freaking amazing in my mouth after practice. 

No WFTDA Con this year

I have had lots of travel on my docket, and after a very emotional Beach Brawl and an even more emotional Portland trip I'm quite traveled out.
I am REALLY upset that Stockholm is not going to make Div 2 play-offs, because we showed the world at Beach Brawl that it is where we belong, and that we could have made an impact. And on top of that leaving someone you really care about sooo far behind and knowing you will not see them for two months is just not easy. To be honest, it really freaking SUCKS!

So I feel quite haggard coming back to Sweden having to pick myself up and try to decide what things are important in life. I think I have a real good hunch about it right now... Things are about to change... hopefully

SO... because of all those different things, I will not be able to go to WFTDA Con this year, even if I REALLY want too... INstead I get to go to London and play rollerderby, and considering I LOVE to play rollerderby, that's not a bad thing... I do have a little FOMO about not being at the Con.. .I guess RollerCon will have to be the thing this year... DAMN IT, I just cannot have it all!
 

Lesson learned

I know this already, I still do it at times... I should not go to the gym without eating properly before. Without eating properly the entire day, I never eat breakfast and when I end up only having cottage cheese and two apples for lunch... The workout is doomed to fail! Well, the lack of sleep might have had some to do with it too... I had to give up after 10 burpees and rest... Yikes... And the class I took at the gym is fairly chill... 40 sec and rest 20 in blocks of three exercises...  I block of strength, one block endurance and one block of core... Straightforward and I really should not be feeling lightheaded...

Well, I am still proud of myself going to the gym, instead of just going straight home and just laying on the couch reading a book... Or watching Heroes... Books sounds smarter, right?

Insomnia ruins my off-skate

I need an off-skate buddy, I need someone that meets up with me at the gym, and tells me to go, go, go... I am easily motivated... I know it always come down to how good you wanna become yourself, but it NEVER will be a bad thing to surround yourself with people that are JUST as motivated as you are, in that way you can bounce of each other.

I want to be stronger, faster and quicker... and currently I have a bad case of insomnia - and neither is working out very well for me. I go to bed and I fal lasleep and wake up too early and can't go back to sleep again OR I go to bed and just can't fall asleep. I don't know which one is the worst...

 Well, I chat with my girl who resides in another timezone, and that is not the worst I can do... but the lack of sleep does not make me feel crazy motivated to drag my tired ass to work-out after an eight hour workday... yikes... It sort of is a great motivator to have a girl that tells you that you are amazing, and it pushes me wanting to be a better person. I think that is a part of being in a good relationship, feeling appreciated and wanting to improve yourself.

I am easily distracted, VERY easily, and I am impulsive. Following plans and sceduals are hard for me, and at the same time I really don't react well to changes in plans. So I try my best to always be ontop of everything. I work hard for myself, and right now I will soon have to give myself a quite rigorious work-out plan... Leg is still hurting and in a week I get an MRI, and I will maybe get to know what really is wrong, or at least how to make my constant pain be less constant...

Shitty, shitty and supershitty day

Just sadness - just sucks when you come to skate and you can't - it rains - you wanna curl up in a ball - and you just wish you were somewhere really far away.
Just one of those days when it seemed like life was shitting on you, and all you want to do is to get a hug, a bowl full of soup and some kind words... being cared for...

wet track means no skating... no skating is no fun

So tired

It is like I never get enough sleep - my body is tired, my brain spins on and on about nothing and I just feel like I have no energy at all! I run between home, work and practice - and the times of that emptiness surrounds me on the subway. I travel in the midst of hundreds and still so alone.
I try to figure out time for food, but I breathe something in between expectations and commitments.

I long to skate but my body tells me to get the fuck to bed, or just go have a beer and stare at abad TV-show. Oh, how that sounds good... Ah, how that sounds luring...

Just cuddling on the couch, wrapped up in blankets, wrapped up in the thoughtlessness of nothingness and with a cup of hot chocolate while the world outside changes colours and becomes first so bright and then so naked. I just lay there, wrapped up around you and dream because its all a dream.

Instead I'm stuck on the train with a faint feeling of maybe becoming sick but probably not because the word rest is not recognised...

Morgonstund har guld i mun

Jomenvisst så att... (took a while for brain to get back into English)

Its morning and I did NOT wanna get out of bed, I do not wanna go to work, still I'm sitting on the bus on my way.

I'm trying to be a little of a daredevil - I am trying a different bus, it's not working out very well, I'm already 10 min late for work.

The air is crisp, it smells like fall, the sun is shining but the heat is long gone its a weak copy of its summer self.

The bus takes another turn I did not expect and I'm wondering if it ever will take me to the place I'm going. I already stopped caring, it's not important anymore, because I know I'll get there late already, and there is no faster way to get there. Why worry?

I've decided to start writing again, me and a friend are going to give each other home works, and write... I am excited...

Place where I wait for the bus