Sticking a hole in your toe

So the winter bootcamp was amazing and fun, but being on skates three days in a row after almost three weeks with new skates did not work out so well for my right toe.

On the Saturday I got kicked quite hard on my big toe, but didn't really think too much about it. I got home and it was hurting but not more than I was ok with. I did notice that I probably should trim the nails, but got distracted. When I took my skates off on Sunday it was at the point that it was painful to walk in my trainers... I noticed that the toe was swollen and the nail seemed utterly unhappy... Still on Monday I managed to get the foot into skates and skate for two hours... But afterwards it was even more painful. After some Internet research and the very eager wannabe doctor Eagles advice, I realised that there was fluids under my nail, since it looked like it was ready to spring off the nalbed. Eagle did offer to drill a tiny hole in the nail with a gigantic power tool. I politely declined the offer. After being a big scared pussy for about an hour and after been prompted to watch gigantic zits getting popped on YouTube I finally decided that it couldn't be the worst thing to stick a needle just lightly under the nail... And it wasn't..  Lots of clear and yellowish fluids rushed out from the tiny little hole I poked... I cleaned it up and went to sleep... 

Toe is feeling much better today! Yay!

Yeah, I know... it is not a sexy picture...

The neverending injury

Random picture - because blogs with picturs are better

I got hurt during a tournament in Gent in May, I was shipped off to the hospital and everyone spoke Falmmish to me and then they gave me a shot of soem really strong painkiller and I puked abd  passed out in the hospital parkinglot (true story). When I got back to Sweden I went and saw another doctor, who sent me off to the orhopedic ER, and they told me I was fine and could just start practicing right away. I thought it was strange since I was in so much pain I could barley walk. After about two weeks, I could at least start to bike, it was painful, but it was much needed exercise, and I honestly HATE being still, makes me a very moody and difficult person.

I went and saw a physical therapist in the end of May, I was still hoping that I might be back on skates for the Swedish Championships, the therapist didn't really seem to think that I was going to have a problem to recover in a few weeks. He gave me a few exercises and said that maybe come back after the summer if I was still bothered. He DID say that he suspected that my hamstring muscle was maybe partially torn, but I'd be just fine.

So I went along and did the exercises that I was given and nothing really got better, I did get back on skates first week of July July - but my hip and hamstring kept on hurting and I could not do contact at all. I did spend lot's of time coaching my team, and I had a blast doing it, but to be honest I LOVE PLAYING rollerderby, coachign is increadble, and it was very rewarding to see my team take home the win of Stockholm Rollerderby, and I got to do the warm-up with them, and that mean A LOT TO ME!

 In July I went to RollerCon and challenged myself to play a bunch of scrimmages and it was REALLY scary, because I did not really know how my leg would react and it was painful. I did still have a great time, and have no regrets. Because that really triggered me to start FIGHTING to get better, I realized that rollerderby is in my blood, and it makes me REAL happy to skate, even when I jsut coach, but playing myself is really somethign I love doing.
I pretty much went straight from rollercon and bouted in Scotland, it was painful and I still was very restricted laterally and most of all, I was hurting.

When I got back to Sweden I found myself a new Physio, whom really listened to me, and she sent me to an ultrasound to discover that I very much had torn my hamstring in Gent, but the way my leg responded to her exercises, she also suspected that it's not only the hamstring. My hamstring is now strong, but the pain is still there, so I am going for an MRI on Monday after Team Sweden try-outs, to really get to the bottom of why I am in SO much pain still.

Yesterday at practice, it hurt so much I was almost crying, I had to grab a bunch of advil after warm-up just to last the rest of practice. It still was a fun practice, and one truth remains, I love rollerderby, and I will fight and rehab my leg until it stop hurting!

Insomnia ruins my off-skate

I need an off-skate buddy, I need someone that meets up with me at the gym, and tells me to go, go, go... I am easily motivated... I know it always come down to how good you wanna become yourself, but it NEVER will be a bad thing to surround yourself with people that are JUST as motivated as you are, in that way you can bounce of each other.

I want to be stronger, faster and quicker... and currently I have a bad case of insomnia - and neither is working out very well for me. I go to bed and I fal lasleep and wake up too early and can't go back to sleep again OR I go to bed and just can't fall asleep. I don't know which one is the worst...

 Well, I chat with my girl who resides in another timezone, and that is not the worst I can do... but the lack of sleep does not make me feel crazy motivated to drag my tired ass to work-out after an eight hour workday... yikes... It sort of is a great motivator to have a girl that tells you that you are amazing, and it pushes me wanting to be a better person. I think that is a part of being in a good relationship, feeling appreciated and wanting to improve yourself.

I am easily distracted, VERY easily, and I am impulsive. Following plans and sceduals are hard for me, and at the same time I really don't react well to changes in plans. So I try my best to always be ontop of everything. I work hard for myself, and right now I will soon have to give myself a quite rigorious work-out plan... Leg is still hurting and in a week I get an MRI, and I will maybe get to know what really is wrong, or at least how to make my constant pain be less constant...

And tomorrow we bout Royal Windsor here in Stockholm!

So it is - we bout tomorrow, against Royal Windsor, we have played them twice before, both bouts have been very significant for me in two very different ways.

First time was my first bout with Stockholm Rollerderby, and I also benched our B-team. I remember that was when Emma Ryssfemma was still jamming with the the B-team. I remember that the floor was superslick and when we went out that night we were all shocked by the skimpy outfits and heels the Brittish girls were wearing (not the Royal Windsor girls, but just the women in general). Windsor was a really pretty town, and we went on a long walk and I think there was a real fairytale fog over the castle. It was a crazy trip, and so many things happened and it was great and we won.

Second time we bouted Royal Windsor was in Gent during the WFTDA tournament that was held there in May of this year, and it was during that bout I got the injury that I'm still struggeling with. Me and my Physio still have not really figured out what it is, and why, but I'm scedualing an ultrasound, to really figure it out. Doctors have said I am fine, but I'm NOT! Well, well... life goes on! BUT back to the Windsor game, it was fun until I got injured, and I had a little ontrack butch-off with Trashbag. Stockholm did not have a great tournament, for many reasons, but this game we did win, and that felt good, even if I spent the last part of it in an ambulance to an ER room in Belgium.

So this is our first homebout against them, and it is going to be superfun! I am REALLY excited, and so is my team! Also my old teammate and friend Ima Handfull from Rat City is coming for the weekend, and that makes me even more happy! Like superduper happy! 

My little project - my body

So I guess I decided my body is my little project... It has sucked to be injured, like REALLY, the leg not responding like I am used too, and being in pain. I honestly got over the pain part quite a while ago, to the point where I just feel pain, but it's just there, and I can live with it.
Watching Play-Offs did inspired me, I realized I needed to get better, because I love to skate, and I love to play rollerderby!
I am not about making my body look amazing for some silly bikini, I wanna make it more functional, it's not about some stupid diet that will leave me wanting to eat everythign and nothing. It's about making my body just great for rollerderby, to make me a better player both mentally and physically!

Project ONE: Healing hamstring
I tried to find a Physical Therapist this summer, and I met one guy who sort of blew me off byt saying: do those three exersices and the you will be well in the future, maybe 3 weeks - that did not happen at all, even if I did the exercises that he had given me...So my first step towards REALLY recover was to get my hands on a Physical Therapist that acctually listened to me, and could help. I did manage to do this, I have already been to visit her two times this week, and she seem to find and target my poor damaged muscle. Paticence is not really my vice, but I try... She did tell me I probably should not do contact drills, I still do, but if I get pain I pull away. So I guess I am being as good as I can be... She also told me that with my injury, it might take about six months to heal up.
So this project is for sure on it's way!

Project TWO: Food
I live food, and I really belive that you should not deny yourself waht you like, it will make for an unhappy mind. BUT that does not mean you should gorge on everything, I belive in moderation, and strongly! If I want to have ice-cream after food, I should have ice-cream after food. I just shouldn't eat an entire box by myself, I will just share it with someone... you want some?
I have struggled for so many years to come to terms with food, and we are finally friends, me and food. Food you do not scare me, I like you! I am also obsessed with apples, I do not object to proteinshakes or anything. I just think that the word MODERATION is key! It's not about becomming skinny, it's about becomming healthy, and I think that the best way to do it, is to do waht makes you happy, indulge when you need it, but not ALL the time, eat balanced. You need carbs, you need protein, you need som fat... and we all need more apples (pink ladies are my favorites)

Project THREE: Jamming
Ok, I am putting it out there, right now! I am gonna start jamming more, maybe just in practice, but it's good for me, it freaking scares me, and it's supersilly to say, I have jammed a whole bunch! I have been a main jammer even! Now I can't even remember when I lined up as a jammer (well, I do think last time was against LRR a year ago) and I know I'm not needed on that position in Stockholm Rollerderby, but I wanna overcome my own fears. So I will! I have to! This is the part of my mental training.

Project FOUR: Up with my Arms (watch out Suzy)
Jupp SUCKAZ! When I moved to NYC I challanged Suzys arms... I lost... and I will do it again (challange Suzy not loose)...  It's time... you and me arms... we are gonna go to the gym.. this acctually applies to my entire upperbody, plus my neck. I do get lots of neckpain from fullcontact practices, and I am quite sure because my neck muscles aren't strong enough and my poor little blond head just slingshots allover the place... To make this happen I really need to make time to go to the gym, I am considering lunch-breaks to be it? Maybe? This is one of my hardest challanges, I just don't like going to the gym by myself. I try to at least do 20 push-ups a day at my house, I figure it's better than nothing...

...with more to come.... 

Backing up London Rollergirls - because they have taken it so far!

The problem with the Neverending Season

We dont have a season - not in the way other sports have seasons, most leagues have a few weeks here and there - but a few months off - is unheard off.

But something that is heard off is skater burn-out... I am very sure this have some sort of connection. The feeling of guilt by choosing something over derby and the constant workload combined with practice. Don't get me wrong - I love derby - but I think this is a reason so many of us burnout. Give yourself a break when needed, or you will wake up one day and realise that you just don't love derby anymore... It's OK to miss a bout or two - if that means you will come back with new energy and feel like pushing your and your teams goals forward! 

If you can't skate you can ALWAYS be there for your team in so many ways!  

Being injured has really given me the feeling that I wanna skate again, that I love rollerderby, that I love coaching - that no matter what - I wanna be involved!

I know it sounds crazy to people that just started wit hderby that there are people that need and want a break from derby, but I don't love derby any less for needing a break, I just need it to keep on loving and being able to give my all. I love skating, I love coaching and I love everything that's around derby, but it's hard to always be in prime condition, rollerderby is a mental game, I barley eat during tournaments and bouting weekends, coaching or playing... So I need my off-season to eat well, go to the gym and not feel like I HAVE to be at rollerderby practice or I'll make my team disapointed. I wanna be the best I can be the time I am around my team. 

There is so much to rollerderby...

Coming back from an injury is not easy - it's never easy to not being able to be on track and just wait and for your body to heal. I am one of those people for the very first time, this is the longest I've been off skates since I started rollerderby 5 years ago...

Potential Fresh Meat after theri first Foundational Skills exercise

It's hard, but I've at the same time had a gerat time continuing doing what I usually do, I still come to practice and run practice, and I am more relaxed coaching when I don't have to try to improve my own playing. I also have spent some quality time on how we are going to get new girls into the leauge. We are running some foundationals skill classes - a few sundays, so girls that are interested in rollerderby can come and test and see if this is acctually something that they want to do. It's open to anyone that have their own gear and you do not have to be a member... if you wanna know more about it... you can read about it HERE!

And then we are going to have try-outs, we will start a Fresh Meat program with girls that already know the basics of skating and derby, and have the motivation and have a hunch of what it means to be a derbygirl. I really like running foundational skill sessions... It's superfun to see all the girls that are interested in joining us working so hard, and looking really awesome!

So I am off skates, but everyone else are on, and that is completly fine with me! I have my bike - and we are really getting really close nowdays! Like REALLY! I try to bike about 20km per day, and it is fun, and I am gettting an odd tan and it's amazing!

Oh, and I am back in school, taking leadership and oragnization classes, I just had an exam in communication... It's quite AWESOME!

I am back!! It is time!

Practice is done at sunset!

So I didn't feel like writing, and it's hard to force yourself to do something you don't wanna do, so I didn't... There are so many other things In life you gotta do that's sort of forced... And something you love doing, shouldn't be on that list...

I have spent the past six weeks off-skates since a scary sort of shark bit me during a bout... Worst pain ever! During the five years I've played rollerderby I have never been off skates more than barley three weeks... So this is a new experience! 

And to be honest - I LOVE rollerderby - and I do love the opportunity to be able to skate, but coaching and building a leauge and sport is also VERY important and fun!

I think we constantly need the reminder that this is OUR sport - and we are pushing it forward and we are all little important pieces in the awesomeness that rollerderby is.

You don't become an amazing athlete over a night - you work on it, you fall asleep visualising how amazing you and your teammates will do the next day, building rollerderby is just the same! We are all together building an amazing sport that makes me proud to be a part of, we surprise ourselves and the people that don't really understand us. We are former athletes, barstars, bartenders, mothers, sisters, brothers, hipsters, hippies, yuppies, homos, hetros, whatevers together we are all strong and together we can build something that matters, something slightly different, something that is competitive but that is not the only thing! Rollerderby is a sport - but to me it is and will always be so much more: it's what made me believe in myself and has taught me to be a teamplayer!

Hurt is Hurt

It sort of sucks...

Limping and being in pain 

Ok, I guess I am bionic

Knock, knock on wood... since a wonderful friend of mine pretty much found me the number to the doctor, I took my poor throbbing leg to the doctor... just for the first doctor to tell me that I had to open it up and empty it of fluids, but he wanted a second opinion by an older doctor, and she thought that they shouldn't do it, because it was so close to teh bone. So they sent me off to the big hospital, so I took the subway to the big hospital and got to limp in the ER entrance with a pieve of paper sayin that I needed help.
 At the big hospital I got to wait for hours and hours while an older butch nurse took my blood pressure and chatted, a younger male nurse pricked me in the finger to draw blood and look for infections in the blood... and then another doctor appeared just to squeeze my leg a little, telling me that I had no infections, and I would get better, and no need to put a knife in me... but not to do things that hurt, together we decided agains X-rays since it would hurt more if I had a fracture...

And then I could go to work...