Today I played rollerderby again... and it was fun

I was expecting to finish this season with Gotham, it was what I trained really hard for the entire season. Becoming better, stronger, faster and smarter, playing together with a team where each and every skater were just working so hard to do the same. I am not going to lie, being a Gotham Allstar is hard, both on your body and mentally but rewarding.
I miss my team very much, and when I got my visa denial I got upset, very upset. I am not going to lie, it was not only because of the derby, it was also a matter of the heart and that I had looked forward so much to begin a masters in something that I really really felt right about.
It has been a two really tough months, watching things fall apart around me, missing friends, being a little lost, missing my team, missing that one friend I spent so much time with, loosing myself a little
.
They do say that when one door closes another opens, so I enrolled in school here, taking classes towards what I want to do. Went to Paris and saw one of my best friends, spent time with my family, picked lingonberries in the woods up north, picked mushrooms in the woods outside Stockholm. Worked out with friends at Good To Go, ran in the woods, hung out in the Sauna, went to Helsinki and saw friends. I recovered my body and thought a lot on things that I really want to do. Places that I want to go, things I want to learn that aren't rollerderby. I realized that there are also other things in life that are great and exciting and everythign does not have to revolve around rollerderby...

I have been stressed out and I've lost almost five kilos, emotional stress, so many feelings... I have cried, I guess it is OK to cry. I have been pissed off and I have made jokes about everything, to ease the stress. I've written letters and put thoughts and feelings into print, some I sent, others I didn't.

Well, so with that said, all this made me not really feel like playing rollerderby. I love rollerderby, but I just didn't feel like it. I wanted, but I didn't want to. It has been nice being able to just go for dinner with friends instead of going to practice. I've watched so much Netflix and been drawing like crazy. I have written poems and short little stories.

But today I decided to go to Stockholms practice, they had a guest coach from Australia. So I spent the day at my moms place making labels for the lamb meat (slaughter was yesterday) she was vacuum packaging while my brothers and stepdad were chopping the lambs up. We had a big family lunch and then I got a ride back into town. I cam home and I sort of didn't want to go, but I did. I did miss skating... I FaceTimed a little with Nut, and I decided... YES I AM GONNA GO TO PRACTICE!

And it was superfun! I am really happy I went! I missed it, there are things I have not missed about derby, but I for sure missed playing and practicing. It was two hours of FUN! Yeah! I probably will go to more Stockholm practices now, and I am going to watch Gotham kick ass this weekend. And I will be proud of my team and I will see all the things we worked on all season be implemented in perfection, because I know how hard they have worked for this! And I will enjoy it, I will be supersad that I cant be there to play or even to support. But I will be watching with friends here and I will make the best out of what I have here and now. Because we do what we can with what we have!

Shitty, shitty SHITTY day

Damn, all I need is a hug...

Well, yesterday was one of those days when everything was superduper frustrating, I missed Eagle more than usual and I just felt superdeuper lonly!

Practice was good, lot's of ppl shopwed up and we did a bunch of great drills, I still feel like I am not fit enough, and there is just not enought time in the day for me to get as fit as I want too.

One big problem is that I just don't sleep enough, I go to bed, and I close my eyes, but I just don't sleep, I don't fall asleep. It is SO frustrating and I'm always sort of tired, and I feel like nothign can inspire me! I want to be inspired, I want to push forward, I wanna see my girlfriend, I want my team to get tremendously much better. I feel like I don't develop, that I don't get better, I feel like I'm bringing others down by being a grumpy old lady!

Yikes, life is not easy! There are so many things that are positive and awesome, but sometimes it's hard to see the forrest because of all the trees... and yesterday I just saw hellalot of trees...  All I need is a hug and a pat telling me that I am good at what I do and that I really should stop doubting, becvause it's really silly!

Pissy mood when not working out...

Like SERIOUSLY - I become a freaking PISSY little freak if I don't work out... So after being a completly inpleasent person at work yesterday I grabbed myself to the gym and forced myself upon a 50 min boxing class and then 30 minutes with my fab PT Cai, with him I have sort of a hardcore upperbody/core program - since rollerderby gives me lots of the lowerbody workout...

I have to admitt I felt just amazingly much calmer afterwards all this crazy working out and feeling like I wanted to bite someones head of, and I cannot even blame it on PMS, or maybe I can.... So I went home, made dinner, had to think about three good things during the day and watch an episode of Veronica Marsh.

So note to SELF: You are not allowed to skip the gym/work out, because you become less pleasent to your surroundings, and we don't wanna ruin your reputation of being such a delightful lovley creature... And also you have a big challange coming up on the 3/3 - so you are all about getting fit for that. (Britta you better watch out)

I am so totally BOOKED the next two weeks it is not even close to funny - I am going to EROC, home for two days and then heading to Montpellier to coach at a bootcamp, back home just to head to Malmö to bout CCR... Yes... so I need to get some daily routines in, even when I am away.

Don't get me wrong, I love to travel, and I know it will all be great fun, but I wanna sit on a couch and eat pancakes and watch friends with a special someone, and havign to postpone it three weeks - is just not so great!

My work just got me a membership at SATS - plus I still have five more times left with my PT Cai... plus that I just discovered that all of Friskis and Svettis outdoor classes are free... so when I am no longer booked for traveling - be prepared to find me at a gym or at rollerderby practice...

Yay for the gym

Shitty, shitty and supershitty day

Just sadness - just sucks when you come to skate and you can't - it rains - you wanna curl up in a ball - and you just wish you were somewhere really far away.
Just one of those days when it seemed like life was shitting on you, and all you want to do is to get a hug, a bowl full of soup and some kind words... being cared for...

wet track means no skating... no skating is no fun