Happy Holidays from Sweden

I guess in my case I'd say Merry Christmas since I come from a Swedish Lutheran tradition, secular but we have a bearded white man give us gifts on the 24th of December. In Sweden we like to be one step ahead so we do the gifts and celebration a day before most others. 

In my family the adults dont give each other gifts, and for some reason they (whoever THEY are) decided Im an adult and don't get anything. We DO play a game of Christmas gifts, where you acctually compete for your gifts. Yeah, so this year I participated in two games and all I won was dried mushrooms and a hammer. I can't complain, I'll make a delisous chanterelle soup and make sure to hammer something up or down.

My best friend Em who usually lives in Paris just came into town for a few days. It's real awesome! NowI just wish my NYC family could be here too... Most of all of course Carnage. 

When they say expect the unexpected, this was not what I think theymeant, or maybe it was.

For some reason I have A Camps song "Love is stronger than Jesus" echoing in the back of my head right now. IF you havent heard it i strongly recommend it... Well, this post is not really about rollerderby, because sometimes life and love happens.

They say that love will strike unexpected, and that you never know with who or when. About eight years ago I told my mom that I probably never would bring home a boy again, and then I came out to all my friends. Maybe, just maybe I came out to my friends first and then I told my mother who of course told my father, because that's how it works in my family, there are no secrets. That's probably why my brother never have brought home a girlfriend. He's probably the smarter one of us.

Me on the other hand brought home a few girlfriends, my family never cared who I dated as long as they treated me well and I was happy. They always treated my partner as my partner, like a person that I was involved in, some they liked more than others. 
I've been really out and proud, i was even on a TV-show called Flator (aka Lesbians). 

 Being gay in the rollerderby community probably is one of the most comfortable experiences. My sexuality and love was never questioned and I never really questioned it myself, it just was never an issue. I love the friendships I've gained through Vagine Regime, and I truly believe that you fall in love, you fall in love and you look past gender just the way you look past so many other things when you fall in love, but that's me, that is who I am. I just didn't think it really applied to me, looking past genders I mean.

 But it all began when me and Kenbo decided to play reallife Tinder, a joke of course since tinder terrifies me, and hitting on on people at the bar is even worse... But we gave it a good (unsuccessful) go, maybe because we were too sober, maybe because it was Sunday, maybe because it was a terrible but hillerious thought that never should be put into action. 

So I found myself walking home with Violet who I live with and this dude. I didn't really know him that well, I knew he was a friend of my friends, played for NYSE and I thought he was attractive, for a few reasons. He was kindly escorting us home since we live in such a lovely neighbourhood, and probably also because we are such delightful company. When we got home we (probably me) offered him homemade cheesecake, one of those things that happen to frequent our refrigerator. (Thanks to Vish) He looked so adorable and a little lost on our couch when we ran around the apartment and I sat down next to him. And we talked, and we talked, and we talked.... and later that night he leaned in and kissed me, and I kissed him back.

 I didn't fall in love with him then, and maybe not the next day when he took me on a date and maybe not for a while, but my heart flutters when I hear his voice and I miss him when I'm not with him. I don't know where this is going, I don't know at all, and it confuses me and it makes me worry. I can't help it, and he just happen to be a he, and it's all so crazy weird to tell your mom "yeah, I'm seeing someone, it's a guy". It sort of is like coming out to the world again, and NO I'm not straight, I'm in love! (Well, you know what I mean)

 I probably shouldn't put so much value on his gender, because I really don't care, he's got a beard and a penis, so what!? IF I don't care, why should anyone care?

 Him is what I fell for, the way he takes my hand when we walk down the street, how he tries to make me understand rhythm, how he buys me icecream when I want it and how he always has iced coffee on his way to work, how I can block him, and how frustrated I get when he get past me. How he looks at me. And the way I feel when I'm with him, and it also brings me to the point where I miss him being half a world away. 

 He's in New York and I'm in Stockholm and it makes me feel lonely.

StateWars 2014 in Daytona Beach

Photo by Ken LeBleu

I wasn't sure if I was going to go or not, but in the end I couldn't say no to such a opportunity. I was in Sweden so I was supposed to fly into Ft. Laurendale late Thursday, rent a car and drive up to Daytona. 

Well, Norwegian Air had different plans for me, since their the flight was 11h delayed. I came in early Friday morning and missed my first game against Iowa. I guess shit happens. But the next game was just a few hours away and we played Oklahoma, and secured a substantial win.  I was superexcited to see my roommate Vish and brother from another mother Kenbo, but in all honesty I was the most excited to see Carnage who's arms I just ran into when I saw him. The Men's New York team only had nine players, still they looked really strong. 

Saturday we started off the day playing Mass - even if I went to bed thinking we were supposed to play Wisconsin or Alabama. The scedual kept on confusing me, but I cant really say that I made a huge effort to understand it, I just showed up and played rollerderby. After beating Mass we played Georgia, and we won that game too.  So according to scedual we were supposed to play Iowa (again) and we decided that we wanted to play them again. Because we thought we could win, we were wrong. 

Loosing to Iowa set us up to play Texas 8.30 am on Sunday morning. The Texas game turned out to be superclose, first we had a substatial lead, and then in the second half they pulled away for a bit. Maven had an amazing last jam, but in the end they beat us. We really wanted to win, but our bodies were just tired and we were exhausted, my toe was really hurting and taking my skates off was sort of a relief. I still love rollerderby, and I would gladly have played two more bouts.

In the end Colorado went on and won it all, thier team looked superstrong and they played Texas in the final. I guess I can be ok with loosing to the team that took second.

I had an amazing time at StateWars, got to play five bouts and got to spend time with old and new friends. After party was a few beers and a burger for me, the burger was the real highlight. i took a slow walk on the beach and it was really peaceful before I went back to our crowded hotelroom.

I am thankful and happy that I had an opportunity to skate on Team New York. And congratulations to Team Colorado for taking home the win! And congratulations to Carnage on the New York Mens team that took home tournament MVP.

Recap of the past month... sort of...

I am sorry friends, family and others that happen to read my blog, I've really been lacking in writing and skating, dating, writing, thinking and working out. I just have not had time to reflect about anything but the current "right now" state of union.

I downloaded Tinder for a day, turned it into a real life game and met a person that made my heart skip and jump a beat. It's sort of magical and amazing.

I also practices, practiced, practices and went to WFTDA Champs and got to be a part of the team that once again brought the Hydra home. It was beyond an amazing weekend, the level of play was just AMAZING, the athletic aspect of rollerderby is just raising each year and it makes me proud and excited to be a part of the community. I also got to see lots of friends from allover the world, Mainey,Eagle, Rotten, Krissy Krash, Demanda, Mad Dog, Kasey Bomber, Nasty Trick and tons of more... Its just amazing to be a part of a rollerderby and all the great people and friends I have made.

I went back to NYC and spent even more time with this amazing person, just to realise that sometimes you just ought to follow your heart whatever other people say. So I am. I ended up NSOing a scrimmage in Philly, since I went down with Kenbo, Frozen and Carnage, my first time NSOing. I've done almost everything in derby, and now I can add NSOing to the list of things that I have done.

Kenbo, Carnage, me and Frozen on ourway to Philly

And then I went to Sweden to work and attend WET, an European WFTDA tournament in my old hood, Crime City was hosting. I was amazined over how great all the teams did. I was happy to have OMG representing Brooklyn Skates at the tournament. I just got new skates, and I played a bout in them the second time I wore them. Oh, yeah, that happened at WET, a European mixed team called EuroTräsh played Team Finland. It was SO MUCH FUN. OH, and Stockholm did fantastic, I am so happy and proud of them. They showed that they are much better than their ranking indicated. Stockholm will always have a special place in my heart!

Oona, me and Fluke at WET

So, as you can tell I've been really busy and now I'm back in Stockholm again, but heading to Florida and StateWars tomorrow. Another adventure and I get to see some of my best friends and also finally get to rest in the arms of somone special.

Going to WET 2014

Today I travel to Copenhagen to hang out with OMG and Krazy Kris for a night before the WET tournament begins. 10 European teams of great caliber face off during three days in Malmö, my old hometown. I am looking forward to see this, I am looking forward to be a part of this.

I am  part of an European Allstar team that is going to bout against Team Finland on Sunday and on Saturday, Team Sweden has practice, at 07.30 AM... I am looking forward to both occations.

I miss NYC, especially a certain person that I grown very fond of, a person that makes my heart skip and jump, but I m also happy to be back in Sweden where it all began four years ago. Sometimes it's hard to feel so torn between two different places.