Merry Christmas

Christmas has been amazing, it's not the holiday itself nor the presents that makes it my favourite holiday, it is the family and friends that I feel like they are family. That this is the time a year when we take the time to actually spend that time together and eat lots of food. Food is great and spending time is too... 

It is real awesome to have my girl around, someone that makes my heart skip a beat but also is so darn handy and also puts a fire under my ass to get things in my apartment done! 

I hope everyone out there have enjoyed an amazing Christmas with their loved ones, because I have no reasons to complajn!

Last practice of 2013

Amazones and an anklebiter....

Last practice of 2013 was awesome and so much fun! We had Scald Eagle guestcoaching us, and it was all back to basics, and as we all know, basics is what gives us things to build on. Eagle did an mazing job, and I think each and every person felt like they got somethign new to work on for 2014. I think we are trying to bring in some more guest coaches during 2014, it is truly inspiering and there are always little bits and pieces to build on to become a better skater, team and leauge. Building together... and forward...

After practice most of us wen to the local pizza place for some Secret Santa and (suprisingly) PIZZA. It was soo much fun. Our sweet BSTRDs had gotten Allstars a YOODDELING Flamingo for us to bring as a mascot to Florida. Like SERIOUSLY! It made me laught SO hard for the longest time. I left the dinner holding hands with my lady feeling like rollerderby is truly amazing and soem of the most amazing people I know are friends that I've made through rollerderby.

Food is an issue and the best thing I know!

I am an athlete - I work out five times per week, and I expect my body to really step up an perform at every bout I play. I treat my body to nutrition and rest. I believe in myself and in my body to perform and be all it can be, with as much help from me as possible - me and my body coexist as that one being we are.

This might all sound strange to you, clearly the body and mind of the same being are one, but that used to not be true for me, and I think that is the same for many with me. I used to look at my body as something that needed to be controlled, something that limited me from who I really could be. Instead of listening to my needs and what my body craved I would decide it, because I could, because I wanted and needed that feeling of control. I still believe in pushing myself and my body, but in a healthy way, in a way I know I will perform better and will put a smile on my face.

I have never been obese, but for many years I felt like my body was disproportional, that my legs and ass didn't match up with my small breast and slender upper body. I always gain my weight on my thighs and ass... And an explosive sport such as snowboarding really made my legs HUGE in my late teens/early 20's. I hated my legs, and I was on constant diets and dreamed about getting a set of silicon boobs to even out the pear shape and make me more desirable. Or to be honest I was more or less dreaming of my legs to slim down, I wanted a boyfigure, I've always been more of a Twiggy fan, not so much Marilyn Monroe. My life wasn't made easier by friends commenting on my small chest, and I even had a friend who did have a boobjob before I met her tell me "Well, my orignal boobs were at least larger than yours". To clarify to everyone - NOW I do find my boobs very awesome as they are!

But when it came down to it all: It wasn't so much about being thin or having the perfect body, it was more about the control, the feeling of lightness and satisfaction when I completely had not eaten, when the world was the most confusing, I at least knew that I could control myself. It was about striving for a perfection that I could never reach, but still strive for. I remember myself as young as 13 living of only juice for weeks, juice and water, having to leave class every 30 minutes to pee, you have to drink a crazy amount of water to stave the hunger feelings. And even if it wasn't about being thin, it still was satisfying to hear "you look so skinny, you look so good" compliments, compliments.... And we still do that, compliment each other on the looks, and it's almost always about the extra kilos that have been shed.. Compliments with our own and all other girls weights in focus, we judge ourselves and each other, we get judged by strangers on a dayly basis. We just are expected to always be so darn perfect looking, so amazingly skinny, just naturally.

My relationship to food is still complicated, but more relaxed, I eat what I want, I avoid to overeat but also to undeat, I go to the gym and derby practice and I am very proud of when my muscles show and my body is looking good. I do still sometimes fall back in old patterns of not eating, and I have to look myself in the mirror and tell myself : "denying yourself food will never make you happier, just weaker and a little crazy" 

I know myself, and I dont ever want to be on a diet or any diet restriction, I know how fast I fall into letting my entire life revolve about food. I love cooking and eating, and I want to eat without any hesitations! I become a grumpy bitch if I don't eat! A skinny grumpy old bitch....

Eating is key... for a happy life! 

Damn I am hungry RIGHT now! 

Things I want for Christmas...

So we don't really buy each other Christmas presents in my family anymore, I still wanna make a litte list of things that I want for Christmas. Well, maybe it's not only for Christmas but for life in general... and I haven't written down all the derbythings I want - that is my next blog... now it's all about those random THINGS I have a need for in this materialistic world... well, need or need... those are things that be nice to have, but I be completly amaing without them... (I probably will end up getting them for myself anyway)

1. A COUCH
So when me an Loony moved in together a looong time ago, we were going to buy a couch, so I let Jazz have my couch. And then we just never got into enough money to buy a couch, so for a while we used a bed instead of a couch and then Amy bought the bed of me, we used an airmatress, and then we broke up and I was couchless... It happens, luckily Becky was moving and I could have her couch. So I have a red velvet couch that is too short to be sleeping on, it's awesome, but I need a couch that can be turned into a fold-out couch, so people can sleep when they spend the night in my new fancy apartment.

2. ORCHIDS
I like them, I want them, I like having them in my home and they look fancy and delicate at the same time. I just wanna have orchids, don't think it needs too much explenation, I will probably kill them slowly, but I will enjoy them when they are alive... best thing is that they don't need so much water and they are prettier than a cactus.

3. A JUICER
Wouldn't it just be AMAZING to have a juicer, I would juice everything. I love juice, and I drink carrot, apple and more carrot juice everyday. It be great to be able to make my own juice, I know that cleaning it up will be everything but great, but the thought of my own juicer just seem more and more appealing, each day that passes.

4. BALCONY FURNITURE
Yes, my new apartment has a balcony, and it needs some furniture, and this summer it will also get sunflowers adn tomatoes. But most of all I need a little bench, a chair and a table. This balcony is going to be the haven of this coming summer. When home, I will sit on the balcony, sip a fancy beer and dream about being exactly where I am!

5. ICESKATES
Since my lovley ex decided to hold onto my iceskates (and that is odd considering she doesnt have the same shoesize at all as me) I am in need of new iceskates, since the ice is laid down allover Stockholm and my feet are itching for some fun time on ice. I can tell you that I am a terrible iceskater, but it is fun, and I like fun. Rollerderby has turned me into a better iceskater, and I thank my quads very much for that. Since I have no iceskates, I need new one to have a fun winter... even if the darn snow still have not decided to fall over Stockholm... all I can say is... BUT WHYYYYY....

6. A COFFEEGRINDER
Everyone that knows me knows me, knows that besides derby I have one other obsession (well, except good beer, but saying that makes me sound like an alcoholic) and that other obsession is coffee. I really LOVE coffe, it's amazing, dark, full and jumps into my mouth just like it should be. I have a few devices to make coffe in, my favorite is my Bialetti Moka maker that I just put my esperesso into, but I do like my coffepress too. BUT I don't have a coffegrinder, so I want a coffegrinder, it spells so good, the coffe taste so good, and they are an awesome way of waking a beutiful sleeping lady up... by the sound of a coffee grinder!

There is probably hella lot of other things that I want and have a weird feeling that I need, and then I will write about them later. For now... this is it... and as I said... this is my MATERIALISTIC list... there are thousand of things like peace, friends to be happy ect ect ect that I want even more... 

Vagine Regime Nordic in Helsinki

I had such a great weekend playing with friends against Kallio Rolling Rainbow this weekend. Pick-up teams are fun when everyone are great skaters and you just all of a sudden start to play so well with each other.
I really had a SUPERFUN weekend, and I was excited to see Only and get to hang out with her and catch up...

This bout was a charity promoting Equal Marrige Rights in Fnalnd, and it was announced by Miss Gay Finland, two things that are really cool! This really turned out to be one of hte best weekend in a long time, of course I love playing with Stockholm, it's my home leauge and we have longterm goals and strive to climb into Division two and up... With Vagine Regime Nordic it was about gettign to skate with other fellow amazing skating queers and just have fun! It was of course extra fun to win, but it was not the main point.

Bout really was fun and superphysical and we ended up only being 10 ppl on the roster, due to some injuries and last minute cancellations. Everyone seemed to ahve sooo much fun, and everyone just played so well! We sold all the merch we had printed and enjoyed an afterparty with Samiakki, longdrinks, lipsyncing trannies and great company!

Oh, I was awarded Best Blocker, Loony got best Jammer and Chaos got MVP - so I guess the Stockholm Queers really represented... but everyone did amazing, Sabo did some amazing offence while Martattack probably are one of the best positional blockers in Europe, her footwork is sooo amazing, I want it! It was also superfun to get to share some tracktime with Becky, since we usually never play in the same line. Oh and I had ONE penalty the entire game, not as good as when I played Paris last weekend when I only NO penaltys... but one is good and MUCH better than lots of bouts I have played. Penatlys are BAD, and I wanna be a good girrrrl...


We totally will get the Queers together again if anyone wanna play us again! Thank you so much Kallio for inviting us, it was a freaking BLAST!

AND it's just two more days until my girlfriend will be in Stockholm... I am sooo excited and a tiny bit nervous! Like damn, meeting my family and celebrating Christmas together!

Vagine Regime Nordic has merch

Tallinn and Helsinki weekend

This was a BUMPY ride

This morning I will be in Tallinn with work, the company I work with has a huge development project almost in the centre of Tallinn, Estonia. I come along for board and planning meetings every two-three months. 

I really like Tallinn, it's a really beutiful city and old city with lots of history, and I think someone should start rollerderby there. I know rollerderby has started in Riga, but still nothing in Tallinn. If anyone know someone interested starting something in Tallinn, please let me know, I'd love to help in anyway I could.

Tonight after my meetings I will take my business casual dressed self and get on a ferry to go to Helsinki. Vagine Regime Nordic is playing against Kallio Rolling Rainbows tomorrow. Only is gonna come pick me up from the ferry and we are gonna have some nice non-alcoholic beer time in the sauna! Damn, I miss having her on my team, she was supposed to play with us tomorrow, but due to an injury she will not be able too.  We have printed some VR Nordic merch for the first time, and we have already sold some of it online and the rest will be for sale at the bout. We have also gotten our own VR Nordic logo that looks really cool and I'm happy we finally got one.

Ok, back to looking important in my blazer... 

The gayness of rollerderby

Rollerderby is so gay, well - it is a very happy sport, and it's completly OK to be whoever you happen to be, as long as you are respectful towards everyonelse. I have never felt as confident about myself as I am in teh derbyworld, and I never have to hide the fact that I prefer women over men. I don't mind men, I just don't like to date them...

It be wrong to say that I always been gay, I really have not, always known I was gay, I've had my fair share of men, and it really took me quite a while to come out to myself, to be confident enough in my feelings to be able to look myself in the mirror and say: "HEy Girl Hey, I'm gay!" Rollerderby have been a great environment to be out and proud, it feels safe and maybe sometimes my friends doubt my choices of dating, but it's not because of the gender of the person, but rahter the person I'm dating.

When I skated in US, I quickly ran into Vagine Regime, I saw Team Vagine skate my first year at RollerCon (that be 2008) and the next year I was asked to join the ranks and had the honor to be a part of Team Vagine and got to skate with some of the coolest and most fun queer derbygirls of US. Bringin back love and queerness to Scandinavia Vagine Regime Nordic got started back in 2010, not much action but it is slowly picking up and now we have a Vagine Regime Nordic bout against Kallio Rolling Rainbows this upcomming Saturday. It will be fun to be back in Helsinki and get to hang out with my friend Only.

There are many girls that thook their first queer steps during their time in rollerderby, and it is not that rollerderby turns anyone gay. You don't turn gay, you just realise that you are fine with being in love with someone of your own sex. In the rollerderby community you will not be judged for your choice of partner, and the supportsystem is huge. Rollerderby is not a datingservice, even if there are quite a few women that meet each other on the track, but that is not why we play rollerderby.

Rollerderby and the inclusioness is so different from what I felt like when I was competing in snowboarding, I loved the sport snowboarding, and I still love dragging the board to the mountain during the winter. I just could never get used to the world of dudes and utter sexism that existed. I always felt like I was wrong and that I was never good enough, rollerderby is of course not always amazing, I have days I feel like crying... but for most times it's a warm and welcoming feeling to meet another derbygirl, to step on a strange floor, to play a teamsport where I can just be myself... 

Playing Paris again...

I was waiting for snow - and I got snow and I got to bout against Paris...

Last time I played Paris was when I was living in Malmö and played with Crime City Rollers - it was CCR's first away bout... adn to Paris we went screaming JE MA PELLE GUMMIBEAR (don't ask and I don't have to tell you)

My day started with me waking up really early to watch a streamed game from Portland with GnR (Rose City hometeam that Eagle plays on) playing  Sockit Wenches (my old Rat City hometeam) and that was fun and then I could fall asleep for a two more hours before I had to get up and bring the Parisian girl I was staying with to our venue. Since it was a Sunday bout we started much earlier than we usually do.

So we were clearly ranked over Paris, but Stockholm is a team that never takes anything for guranteed, because everytime we do, we end up playing like shit (true story)... So we played our best and Paris played well, they are really good skaters, but we really pleayed tight and managed to send their jammer to the box quite a few times...

I played a COMPLETLY penaltyfree bout... I am VERY proud of thar, I been working hard on being penalty free and lots of times my penalties are because I try to do too much instead of trusting my teamates of being where I can't be. I was told that me and Ryssen had some beutiful watterfalling on some poor Parisian jammer and that we all looked really strong together on track.

I could not be anymore proud of my team, everyone has stepped up to the plate, we all work well together and I feel really secure stepping on track with my team. I know that the days I'm not playing my best, everyone else are, and that what makes my team so amazing and strong, everyone are fighters and we lift each other up. It's hard work to captain, but it's also the best feeling to have a team that is as awesome and hardworking as Stockholm, coming to practice late Friday nights and working their asses off with smiles and eyes set of greatness... 

Final results....

Team Sweden tryouts are DONE

It is AMAZING to see how far Swedish rollerderby has come, the understanding of gameplay, the skills, the hits, the walls, the smiles and the motivation. I love being a part of this!

I love love love being a part of this, it is FANTASTIC to see how much better everyone get and how much everyone are pushing themselves!

It is very rewarding and awesome to be a coach, and at the same time I sometimes just wanna skate... looking at everyone having so much fun, while I have  to evaluate and think about everyones elses performance, it leaves leaves very little time for just skating for myslef. Rollerderby is fun, but we are turning into a more serious sport, we have to make decisions and everyone that wants to play just can't play at all times.

So many derbyplayers are dear to me, my best friends and people I both enjoy skating with and to spend my non-derby time with but rostars are made and teams are going to be formed, looking past friendship has to be done. You don't have to LOVE the person you skate with, I usually do, but to be crass, the person that you play best with, is usually not your best friend, but people you trust on the track.

Selections are never easy, we had about 60 girls sign up for try - outs, we invited 40 to try-outs and now we have to cut that group down to a group of about 25 girls that will practice together until later when we will make the selection of the people that will go to Dallas.

The people! 

The neverending injury

Random picture - because blogs with picturs are better

I got hurt during a tournament in Gent in May, I was shipped off to the hospital and everyone spoke Falmmish to me and then they gave me a shot of soem really strong painkiller and I puked abd  passed out in the hospital parkinglot (true story). When I got back to Sweden I went and saw another doctor, who sent me off to the orhopedic ER, and they told me I was fine and could just start practicing right away. I thought it was strange since I was in so much pain I could barley walk. After about two weeks, I could at least start to bike, it was painful, but it was much needed exercise, and I honestly HATE being still, makes me a very moody and difficult person.

I went and saw a physical therapist in the end of May, I was still hoping that I might be back on skates for the Swedish Championships, the therapist didn't really seem to think that I was going to have a problem to recover in a few weeks. He gave me a few exercises and said that maybe come back after the summer if I was still bothered. He DID say that he suspected that my hamstring muscle was maybe partially torn, but I'd be just fine.

So I went along and did the exercises that I was given and nothing really got better, I did get back on skates first week of July July - but my hip and hamstring kept on hurting and I could not do contact at all. I did spend lot's of time coaching my team, and I had a blast doing it, but to be honest I LOVE PLAYING rollerderby, coachign is increadble, and it was very rewarding to see my team take home the win of Stockholm Rollerderby, and I got to do the warm-up with them, and that mean A LOT TO ME!

 In July I went to RollerCon and challenged myself to play a bunch of scrimmages and it was REALLY scary, because I did not really know how my leg would react and it was painful. I did still have a great time, and have no regrets. Because that really triggered me to start FIGHTING to get better, I realized that rollerderby is in my blood, and it makes me REAL happy to skate, even when I jsut coach, but playing myself is really somethign I love doing.
I pretty much went straight from rollercon and bouted in Scotland, it was painful and I still was very restricted laterally and most of all, I was hurting.

When I got back to Sweden I found myself a new Physio, whom really listened to me, and she sent me to an ultrasound to discover that I very much had torn my hamstring in Gent, but the way my leg responded to her exercises, she also suspected that it's not only the hamstring. My hamstring is now strong, but the pain is still there, so I am going for an MRI on Monday after Team Sweden try-outs, to really get to the bottom of why I am in SO much pain still.

Yesterday at practice, it hurt so much I was almost crying, I had to grab a bunch of advil after warm-up just to last the rest of practice. It still was a fun practice, and one truth remains, I love rollerderby, and I will fight and rehab my leg until it stop hurting!

Team Sweden try-outs

 I've been accepted as a coach for Team Sweden together with Mad Maloony, Alotta Riot and Muffa. And this weekend after tons of preperations, there will be the Team Sweden try-outs.

It is superexciting to coach again, even if I'm hoping i can skate more and coach less than last time. 

Insomnia ruins my off-skate

I need an off-skate buddy, I need someone that meets up with me at the gym, and tells me to go, go, go... I am easily motivated... I know it always come down to how good you wanna become yourself, but it NEVER will be a bad thing to surround yourself with people that are JUST as motivated as you are, in that way you can bounce of each other.

I want to be stronger, faster and quicker... and currently I have a bad case of insomnia - and neither is working out very well for me. I go to bed and I fal lasleep and wake up too early and can't go back to sleep again OR I go to bed and just can't fall asleep. I don't know which one is the worst...

 Well, I chat with my girl who resides in another timezone, and that is not the worst I can do... but the lack of sleep does not make me feel crazy motivated to drag my tired ass to work-out after an eight hour workday... yikes... It sort of is a great motivator to have a girl that tells you that you are amazing, and it pushes me wanting to be a better person. I think that is a part of being in a good relationship, feeling appreciated and wanting to improve yourself.

I am easily distracted, VERY easily, and I am impulsive. Following plans and sceduals are hard for me, and at the same time I really don't react well to changes in plans. So I try my best to always be ontop of everything. I work hard for myself, and right now I will soon have to give myself a quite rigorious work-out plan... Leg is still hurting and in a week I get an MRI, and I will maybe get to know what really is wrong, or at least how to make my constant pain be less constant...

Bouting Go Go Gent and loving Stockholm Rollerderby

There is always something to bouting a team you have never bouted before, and Gent was such a team. I had seen them play on several occations, and for some reason I had this feeling of not really knowing what to expect out of it. I am ALWAYS nervous before a bout, a little less know when I'm not in a regular jammer-rotation... (thank god for Loony, Slinky, Chaos and Juana) My friend Meredith did some elaborate make-up on me, so that was new and looked quite cool.

Before our bout I had a few minuted to watch BSTRDs play really well against Västerås. It was great to see how much both our B-team and Västerås have developed the past year. It gives hope for the future of Swedish rollerderby.  After our bout we also found out that Dock City beat Helsinkis B-team in Helsinki and that Crime City beat Hellfire Harlots down in Malmö... so it was truly a great day for Swedish Rollerderby... Nevermind, now I totally strayed from the topic as I so easily do.

We won!

Playing against Gent was fun, they are a good team, but their jammerpenalties was what really made the huge difference. I must say that I am very proud to be captain over Stockholm Rollerderby Allstars, it's a very smart and welltuned team that stod on the track together this past Saturday. We wetn out on the track with a plan, and we even tried a few new strategies, and it worked very well. Everyone are growing into their positions and the attitude on the bench was just awesome and upbeat.

Playing was superfun, and I felt like I had a great bout and so did everyone else, we just kept on trucking and it payed off.

Me sending some love to Kix in the box...

After the bout I went home - took a shower and laid on my bed for 30 min drinking an oatmeal stout just basketing in the amzing sound of nothingness and a tired but clean body. The afterparty felt real far away, but I knew my duty as a good little derbygirl and packed myself to the afterparty for some social engagements... 

Sorry for being so freaking uninteresting....

Well, I am probably not uninteresting, I am just bad at blogging right now. The past weeks I've been to Milwaukee, Chicago, Seattle and Portland... It has been amazing, and now I'm back in Sweden.
G W Tush came by to say hi on her European coaching trip and I am jetlagged and cannot sleep at all, I am acctually suprised I am even awake right now.

Me and Tush catching up

Last night I had insomnia so I spent the night thinking that I should start a make-up brand for DragQueens, but just for derbygirls instead. Tush did point out that the dragqueens probably has it covered already, adn to be honest, I don't even wear that much make-up, so I have no clue where this business plan came from. I might have to much and too little to do, head is spinning...
I would also like to announce that it is sort of hellish to date someone on the other side of the world, like honestly, could I miss her anymore?

Team Sweden try-outs are comming up, and I'm putting the scedual for the Stockholm Rollerderby Winterbootcamp together and I am overlyexcited about the world... oh, and we have a bout this weekend, we are playing Go Go Gent and it will be superduperfun! 

And GO!

I am on my way to Milwaukee! And there is only a day until I get to see my lady! Snuggle up with her and then jump excited while watching derby. Watching the best derby has to offer.

WFTDA Championships - here I come!

I admitt, that it be a little more fun if I was playing, but I am not, I am just going to watch. And that will be SO MUCH FUN!  Walk around and hold hands with a hot lady, probably wear something completly outragous, cheer for all my friends that ARE playing and have a good time.
I will be watching topnotch rollerderby together with friends and wear funny outfits! It feels like this cannot be anytnig but completly AMAZINGLY fun!  I was sitting down the other day looking at the WFTDA Championship bracket, and I can really not decide on who is going to win what! This is just BEYOND exciting! I am excited to see all those teams play! Gotham will always have a special place in my heart...

I am also sooooo EXCITED to watch London!

My flight is booked and I am almost ready to go... RIGHT now, but aperently I have to wait 25 days, because that is the date set for Champs, and that is also when my tickets are booked for it. I still ahve a hard time to contain myself! Ahhhh! Ahhh! And a big part of my excitement really is to walk into a big hug and to gaze into the most beuitul eyes I have ever seen. 

Helsinki two bouts and friendtime

So I flew straight into Helsinki from Portland, into the arms of one of my best friends in the whole wide world: ONLY! I hate that she has moved back to Helsinki, and I liss her soooo much, both as a friend and as a player on my team. I am happy for her that she has found love in Helsinki and she get to be close to her teenage daughter (yes she has one of those). She deserve to be happy and I want her to be happy! BUT THAT DOES NOT MAKE ME MISS HER ANY LESS!

Well, so when i came into Helsinki she got off work a little early and we went to her and Pygmes house and she made me soup and we caught up. I probably just babbeled all about Portland forever and ever and she told me the latest news on her life. Then Pygme came home and laughted at me saying htat Only was a very reasonable and easygoing person... we also established that Pyme is short and I am tall (BIG SUPRISES)

Me TALL you SHORT... any questions? 

Later that night Amy and Loony arrived, so we jumped into the SAUNA and drank some alcoholfree beer and prepared for the bout next day... being among frienemies.

I get coffee = mesohappy

Boutday was kicked off by a long walk to get food, and then we ate food before we went to the venue and met up with our teams. The bout itself was intense, Kallio early took the lead adn kept on chipping away, but at halftime we managed to get ourself togheter and start to chip away on that lead. And of course it all came down to the last jam, and guess what, WE WON!

Squeeeze! Kallio and Stockholm! 

I felt like I played really well, and I was awarded Best Blocker, and I got SUPERHAPPY by the award! After the bout we went back to Onlys place, tried to cook of the few things we found in the refrigerator... SAUNA again and then sleep, since Sunday was boutday AGAIN... this time a WFTDA sanctioned game against Helsinki, that beat us last time we played them. 

Portland, Portland

So I went to Portland to hang out with someone special, and it surpassed my expectations. I gotta hang out with someone that makes me giggle, that makes me blush and that holds my hand, someone that I can be just me with. She gives me compliments and hugs me tightly and yeah, makes me really happy. Yupp, that just happened!

I had a great trip, with some derby, got to see some old friends and make some new. I gotta see the last day of the playoffs in Salem - none of the games were particularly exciting, since Rat had a firm grip on Detroit from the get go and Bay Are we're not about to give Atlanta any spare points... The most exciting was probably the first half of the bout for the fifth place between Victoria and Toronto - until Victoria got a good grip and kept on plowing away. It's exciting to see that international derby is digging its way into the WFTDA ranks! Even if the only international team at Championship will be London Rollergirls... And that is EXCITING!!! And I am gonna go to Champs and I'm super excited about that!!

Afterparty dressed up in gold by some Demanda and Blue pressure, gotta see Eagle in a dress... (Why did I not take photos of this)

I got to join a Portland hometeam practice - it was fun to practice in the hangar and Guns N Rollers were superfun and nice to skate with. And on Wednesday I got to scrimmage with them - and that was also super duper fun, and I gotta skate with twin tower Eagle, tall awesomeness on the track. I really had a great time skating with Rose City!

Rainbow in Portland

Now I'm on my way to Helsinki to play Kallio on Saturday and Helsinki on Sunday, gonna be awesome to play with my team. 

Packning up the past

I have owned my apartment for 12 years - it's half a lifetime for some... I haven't really lived here for all of that time - but big chunks have happened here... And now my friends it's sold and I'm packing my things to leave... It's sad... But exciting... Life is like an unwritten sheet... A story I love to write and pages I fill with adventures.. But memories are also great - remembering that once you were someone else... And I found photos to prove it...

once upon a time

And I have moved

It's strange - I probably will have a strange breakdown soon, but all my things are out from the apartment that has been my one stable spot in life the past 12 years. Laying on the bed in my new apartment and just listening to Trish working away on her computer. Yeah, Internet is for sure installed. I'm exhausted! I have an exam tonight in my Leadership and Organization class, it's been a really interesting class, I've really been able to use lots of things I've learned in derby, but it has also made me realise how I can become a better leader and coach.

My passion is more on the project managerial part, let me have a good ol' project, and I will make it tick... Things are going well, and on Saturday I will finally be in Portland, ready to fling my jetlagged body into waiting arms. I'm super excited! I am of course also VERY excited about the Salem playoffs and lots of other things... 

Busy weekend - sleep is for the wicked

We bouted Royal Windsor this Saturday, and it was superfun, we did win, even if we were off to a rocky start - sometime around halftime we really got it togheter and played a tight and togethersome game. It was fun, and my leg only bothered me in the beginning, and then when it got all warmed up (and possible a little hopped up on adrenaline) it didn't really bother me much.

My old teammate from Seattle, Ima Handful was visiting for the weekend, so that was really cool, she's currently living in Munchen loving her livingroom. Whatever that entails... but she seemed to enjoy both the bout and the afterparty... And I was immensly happy to have her in Stockholm, maybe she should move here...

Trish is still around making life pleasuarble, she probably is the best roomate ever! She did bring her HUGE computer with her, that she sits and works all day - and then we cook and make fun of each others, having close friends that you can laught with is so important!  

And tomorrow we bout Royal Windsor here in Stockholm!

So it is - we bout tomorrow, against Royal Windsor, we have played them twice before, both bouts have been very significant for me in two very different ways.

First time was my first bout with Stockholm Rollerderby, and I also benched our B-team. I remember that was when Emma Ryssfemma was still jamming with the the B-team. I remember that the floor was superslick and when we went out that night we were all shocked by the skimpy outfits and heels the Brittish girls were wearing (not the Royal Windsor girls, but just the women in general). Windsor was a really pretty town, and we went on a long walk and I think there was a real fairytale fog over the castle. It was a crazy trip, and so many things happened and it was great and we won.

Second time we bouted Royal Windsor was in Gent during the WFTDA tournament that was held there in May of this year, and it was during that bout I got the injury that I'm still struggeling with. Me and my Physio still have not really figured out what it is, and why, but I'm scedualing an ultrasound, to really figure it out. Doctors have said I am fine, but I'm NOT! Well, well... life goes on! BUT back to the Windsor game, it was fun until I got injured, and I had a little ontrack butch-off with Trashbag. Stockholm did not have a great tournament, for many reasons, but this game we did win, and that felt good, even if I spent the last part of it in an ambulance to an ER room in Belgium.

So this is our first homebout against them, and it is going to be superfun! I am REALLY excited, and so is my team! Also my old teammate and friend Ima Handfull from Rat City is coming for the weekend, and that makes me even more happy! Like superduper happy! 

Wash your damn gear!

Like SEERIOUSLY what make some people think its adorable to be known to have the stinkiest gear? Well, news flash! It's not cool, cute, awesome or any other superlative, it's just stinky!

It's not bad that your pads smell a little, and I'm not bothered by that. BUT when your pads start to smell like death or puke, it has gone to far! There is NOTHING charming or cool about that, just unpleasant for the rest of us that have to stand around you.

And honestly, I do no wash my pads all the time, I am not super-sensitive to smell, I think we all forget about the washing our pads from time to time! My elbow pads are always gross, why is it always the elbow pads? Sometimes I even throw them into the washing maschine, but usually I just hand wash. And when hand washing you can really see HOW dirty they are and that completely grosses me out and make me think that I should do it more often. The hand wash is easy, I just do it in my shower, usually do my scrimmageshirt and other pads at the same time. 

Just hang it up to dry... Mmmmmmmmm smells sooo much better for a week or so! This is not hard - YOU can do it too!

And let's not talk about how I treat my mouth guard - I am honestly horrorfied myself... Once when I was really tired I fell asleep with it still in my sports bra, another time it ended up in the washer, since it was causally put in my shorts pocket... 

I am just so damn me

Head is spinning...

Next 10 days entail:

Practice tonight
Membersmeeting on Thursday (missing my stepmoms B-day party)
Run practice on Friday
Bout on Saturday
Running bootcamp on Sunday
Clean out and pack up my apartment that I have had for 11 years on Monday and Tuesday
Exam in Organization and Leadership on Wednesday
Move into new apartment on Wednesday
Make sure that our company party runs smothly with food, presentations and everything on Friday
Pack for Portland (don't know when this is supposed to happen)
Go to Portland EARLY Saturday morning
CHILL, hold hands and ENJOY myself for six days... until I land in Helsinki and have two bouts...

Did I mention that I am fulltime at work? And that I am also part-time in school... AND I have two dear friends visiting this weekend... Yikes! Good thing is that I just will not have time to daydream. Oh, I probably will... it's sort of what I do really well! Plan things in my head to execute later...

And for dear all of you... this is NOT complaining, this is rather a statement... I can do this, because I want to. I love keeping busy, and I need to be leaping from thing to thing and then into a pair of strong arms and a loving kiss... and it's good! All good and amazing! I love skatng and bouting! I love roller derby! 

Last scrimmage and then BOUT!

This Saturday we will be bouting Royal Windsor.. and yesterday was the last scrimmage before the weekend, and it went really well, even if it seems like the fall has brought a nice littel cold to us, everyone of the Allstars seem a little coughy... and on our way out to practice yesterday we were jsut crossing our fingers that the rain hadn't gotten to our track. The place we skate is quite rainproof, but a few times last year when we got our there, the floor was wet from the rain - and we had to figure out alternatives to skating on a track. Rolelrderby has made us all very creative.

I am really looking forward to playing Royal Windsor, last tiem the bout was not the greatest, since that was in Gent and that is when I got injured :-/. So this time I will not get injured and Loony has promised not to get ejected. It's going to be nice to play in front of our home audience and have people cheer for us, it has been a while!

OH OH OHOHHH and our B-team BSTRDs played Oslo last weekend, and did really well, they were just a hot min from winning, so they shold be proud of themselves! 

My little project - my body

So I guess I decided my body is my little project... It has sucked to be injured, like REALLY, the leg not responding like I am used too, and being in pain. I honestly got over the pain part quite a while ago, to the point where I just feel pain, but it's just there, and I can live with it.
Watching Play-Offs did inspired me, I realized I needed to get better, because I love to skate, and I love to play rollerderby!
I am not about making my body look amazing for some silly bikini, I wanna make it more functional, it's not about some stupid diet that will leave me wanting to eat everythign and nothing. It's about making my body just great for rollerderby, to make me a better player both mentally and physically!

Project ONE: Healing hamstring
I tried to find a Physical Therapist this summer, and I met one guy who sort of blew me off byt saying: do those three exersices and the you will be well in the future, maybe 3 weeks - that did not happen at all, even if I did the exercises that he had given me...So my first step towards REALLY recover was to get my hands on a Physical Therapist that acctually listened to me, and could help. I did manage to do this, I have already been to visit her two times this week, and she seem to find and target my poor damaged muscle. Paticence is not really my vice, but I try... She did tell me I probably should not do contact drills, I still do, but if I get pain I pull away. So I guess I am being as good as I can be... She also told me that with my injury, it might take about six months to heal up.
So this project is for sure on it's way!

Project TWO: Food
I live food, and I really belive that you should not deny yourself waht you like, it will make for an unhappy mind. BUT that does not mean you should gorge on everything, I belive in moderation, and strongly! If I want to have ice-cream after food, I should have ice-cream after food. I just shouldn't eat an entire box by myself, I will just share it with someone... you want some?
I have struggled for so many years to come to terms with food, and we are finally friends, me and food. Food you do not scare me, I like you! I am also obsessed with apples, I do not object to proteinshakes or anything. I just think that the word MODERATION is key! It's not about becomming skinny, it's about becomming healthy, and I think that the best way to do it, is to do waht makes you happy, indulge when you need it, but not ALL the time, eat balanced. You need carbs, you need protein, you need som fat... and we all need more apples (pink ladies are my favorites)

Project THREE: Jamming
Ok, I am putting it out there, right now! I am gonna start jamming more, maybe just in practice, but it's good for me, it freaking scares me, and it's supersilly to say, I have jammed a whole bunch! I have been a main jammer even! Now I can't even remember when I lined up as a jammer (well, I do think last time was against LRR a year ago) and I know I'm not needed on that position in Stockholm Rollerderby, but I wanna overcome my own fears. So I will! I have to! This is the part of my mental training.

Project FOUR: Up with my Arms (watch out Suzy)
Jupp SUCKAZ! When I moved to NYC I challanged Suzys arms... I lost... and I will do it again (challange Suzy not loose)...  It's time... you and me arms... we are gonna go to the gym.. this acctually applies to my entire upperbody, plus my neck. I do get lots of neckpain from fullcontact practices, and I am quite sure because my neck muscles aren't strong enough and my poor little blond head just slingshots allover the place... To make this happen I really need to make time to go to the gym, I am considering lunch-breaks to be it? Maybe? This is one of my hardest challanges, I just don't like going to the gym by myself. I try to at least do 20 push-ups a day at my house, I figure it's better than nothing...

...with more to come.... 

Backing up London Rollergirls - because they have taken it so far!

How to make 14 days pass faster

So I am really bad at waiting, I have no patience at all... well, that is not true, but it's limited... And I now need to make the upcomming 14 days to feel like a breeze. It is of course awesome that i have a great friend visiting from NYC.

There is of course also the rollerderby practice that I love, and I am always ridiclously busy, still not busy enough to get my mind not to wanter.

Well, well... I guess that's life! Some things you just gotta deal with, weather you like it or not!

Working out is very high on my list, and I am thinking about that maybe I will make poor Trish run, but considering my hamstring still is not in runnign condiong, I am not sure how that plan witll get executed... .

Sad and happy - all at once

So once again it happens - it's fall, and I acctually don't really mind the fall that much, it's cosy, sitting at home and watching the rain pour down over a grayish landscape of Stockholm. Worse thing can happen... It does mean ONE thing - that we don't have a place to practice!
Well we do, we get three hours on Friday nights at 7.30 pm until 10.30 pm - and in this time we should be trying to fit our Fresh Meat, our BSTRDs and Allstars... three hours...

During the summer we can practice at an ice-rink, and this year we counted on them not putting ice on until mid-October, like last year... but NO - aperently this year they decided that ice has to go on the 28th of September. So Stockholm Rollerderby will go from four on-skate practices to one in just two weeks. And it makes me sad, like REALLY sad. and it is not like we have not tried to find places to practice, we make do with whatever we have, but it's this stress, the constant stress of not being able to get as good as you want, to be able to push as hard as you could, to never really be able to plan for the future. Stockholm City promises us more times and they are always really excited about us, but they never really put the money were the mouth is!

BUT I am happy because I just did book a ticket going to Portland, I am gonna be there for just a few days, but it makes me superduperhappy, and it's gonna be amazingly fun and an adventure... adn I just can't wait for it to happen! Gotta hang with the coolest person and go to playoffs, see some friends and refersh old memories! Wohooo!

Watching rollerderby

I spent the past two days/nights watching WFTDA playoffs - it's awesome. The hard work that's behind every stride, every hit and every single person inspires me! Oh, and Scald scored a 45 point jam - that happened. And London almost beat Denver... Crossing my fingers for tomorrow - for them to go to the Championships be the coolest thing ever!

Taking notes, thinking about what Stockholm can improve, what can we do better? I know we can always be better, but a little more specific.

I enjoy watching rollerderby - but I enjoy playing it even more! I want us all to work hard, to sweat, to know that every exhausting practice will earn us five more points at the next bout. I want to that feeling that my body is almost at the limit, but I can still push it one more centimetre... And then doing it... Just one more push, and one more... GO!

So tonight have not been so much about pushing ourselves, more about overloading on candy, caffeine and playing dress-up between bouts and in halftimes. Good friends and team-mates makes me way to creative... Whoops, the silliness!

Practice in the dark

If you have been following my blog for a while you know that one of Stockholm Rollerderbys largest challanges are to have a place to practice. (exaples of places where we have practiced are a go-cart hall, a circus hanger and varoous schoolyards around Stockholm) During the summer we are lucky enough to have an outdoor hockeyrink that we pretty much have free access to until it's ice-time. This works awesome in the middle of the summer when the sun never sets... but now when the fall is creeping in on us and the days get shorter, we have to have the really sweet janitor to turn on the lights for us. And he always do when we ask him, superawesome for us!
BUT yesterday he just sort of forgot, so I kept on running drills until we REALLY could not see anything.. so finally we had to send Ryssen off to remind him.
At this point in my derbycareer I just can't get upset if practice doesn't go exactly how I have planned, so we just continued and did some walking crossovers and strenght exercise, until our beloved janitor gave us light...

Life is unpredictable and getting upset about things that you can't do anyting about is just counterproductive. ANd trust me, we are looking EVERYWHERE to find a place to practice at. It really is the dream to have our own practice space, I'd love it. Our leauge has so much talent and so much potential, but without a place to skate, it's hard to be what we can be... but to be honest... everyone where just awesome and just kept on skating event thou we couldn't see anything... 

Coaching in Nottingham and meeting Robin Hood

I love coaching, it is superduperfun, but sometimes camps just get too long, everyone get too tired and your brain is melting togehter with all the poor skaters that you are trying to coach something, and they are just too tired to get anything out of it, because their bodies are collapsing.

Lat weekend I coached a camp together with Mater in Nottingham, and it was the best of times. It was just hte perfect time of coaching, 4 hours per day, the groups were just big enough that I felt like I could remember people and give feedback.

The light and the dark... gotta LOVE Mater! 

On Saturday was jammer clinic day and on Sunday was blocker clinic day, and it was super inspiering to see all those girls work so hard! I always get impressed when I go coach, and it warms my rollerderby heart that we have this passion for this sport! Yay for rollerderby! My hamstring is still acting up in different strange ways, so I couldn't join in on the scrimmage... but soon...  Me and Mater stayed with an amazing couple From the Hellfire Harlots (the leauge that was hosting the bootcamp) that fed us and gave us tea and coffee! And of course it was great to see my lovely banktrack wife Mater again. We don't get to see each other to often since she lives in the Seattle area and I am still ligering in Stockholm for most part.

Me and Robin Hood are getting cloooose... 

I also got to see the Robin Hood statue, and got excited, Robin Hood has always been one of my favorites. When I was a kid we would always watch hte Disney version of Robin Hood, we would make our own little bows and I would be Robin Hood, well a female version. I sort of wanted to be Marion too... It was hard trying to combine those two.. .I might still be struggeling with that ;-) 

Lunch in London with Mainey

It's all gonna be fantastic

I didn't plan things to be this way, and maybe that is why it all feels so good.
I got of the phone this morning, and I smiled, I just smiled.

When you stand in a middle of a wedding...

...you realize what you want, that you need to follow your heart - because otherwise nothign will ever be true! You can't live the life that everyone else told you that you should, only you can chose your own path, and your own sucess and your own lifepartner. Thanks Rotation and Shevil for getting marries so I could have a life-revelation...

I just recently have understood how hard it was for me to come out, not to my friends and family, but to myself. I am that person, that just had a hard time to accept myself, I always knew I was different, I just didn't want to be different, and the harder I fought aginst it the more obvious it became to the rest of the world.. It was just right there and then when two dear friends that got married, that I understood, that why do I doubt things so much, why do I question myself, when I know how I feel really deep down, why do I date when I feel nothing? I can't be with someone just not to feel alone, because that just isn't me. I realized how I had to buckle up and follow my heart, even if it was beyond complicated. You gotta live and love!

I want to be swept off my feet, I want to be told that I am adorable and amazing, I want to be inspired to climb mountains, to write fairytales, to sleep under starry skies. I want to share my anxiety and my joy, and I want my heart to sing everytime I hear her voice. I want our eyes to burn and tickle each others skin.  That is what i want to feel, so I went for it, right or wrong, only time can tell.

This post says absolutley nothing and everything - but for me it's all so clear now. Go, and go in peace with yourself, you can lie for the rest of the world, but don't lie to yourself just because it's easier. I am proud of being me! You can't take the easy way out, becase it will be the harder way in the longrun.

Oh and by the way me, Loony, Kix and Kim are representing Stockholm Rollerderby in the last issue of QX. QX is a free gay magazine here in Sweden... it's sort of really cool! I think it's cool at least...

Looking good in the neighbourhood...

Being happy with life..

I am happy, my job is ok, school is challanging, my rollerderby is fine, my body getting there and I have found what I thought was lost, and that makes me even happier.

The future is what it is, and what I will make it into, I have thoughts about going to play-offs... I love watching rollerderby live, and it has been a while, and also seeing old friends is a great kick back to that.

Motljus ftw

Life change and so does skates!

So I am not kidding - I thought it would be horrible to break in new skates - and it wasn't I love tehm. Thanks to Bonnie and OMG at Five Stride (please add me to your cart) I have a pair of faboulous Brooklyn (the Murrillo 340)skates... I am still getting adjusted to not being on a nylon plate no more (yes I know, I am a creature of habit and should have changed ages ago) and the alumn does respond so much quicker... even if it's sort of a drag to really get the plowstopps the way I want... but I already nailed some hockey stops... and my feet are more jumpy than before... So I guess it's all for the best!

Change is good! I wanan kiss change! Often! And I have an urge, I have a small plan...

Frustration - and I can only blame myself

Today I tried to run - and my leg just refused. It did not matter how I begged it - how I pushed it - it just would not go in the same page as the rest of my body! 

It is FRUSTRATING - not that I like running at all - I really HATE running! I just hate to accept that I'm not the master if my own body! My leg has taken charge, and I have NOT been forcing it hard enough to get back on track!

Yes, this was an eyeopener - I am back skating and biking - but not up running - and that means I am not totally back! 

So no more putting around - body you are in for a treat! Why did I let myself be lazy? Maybe because it's been GOtime for five years and it was nice to sit back and just tag along for a bit, but guess that's not me. 

Putting together a rather tough work-out schedual for myself - because what else is there? Rollerderby, friends, work, working-out, food, travel and good books!

Shetations got married

I do not regret going to Shetations wedding, even if it meant that I only slept for 2 hours the night before a bout and had to take two flights to get there.  I had the greatest of times, and it was so amazing to be there.

They were both so beautiful and it made me tear up, and think about that we probably all have that someone out there, someone that will coem with you and hold your hand, that somone that will kiss your face when you sad and whisper comforting words in your ear, that someone that wants to be there for you, just because you are you....
 The cermony was in German, so I caught about half of it, but I mean, what can I say, I assume it was quite standard, it still is so tender and I'm amazed how they look at each other so tender and  lovingly. Ahmmm... ahmmm... . It is a little entertaining that both their first names are Franziska...

The wedding party was also fantastic with great friends and german food, I love the Berlin girls - they had also prepared a sining performance - that Titty and Anna made sure I was a part of. And then I danced, chatted and since I was gonna bout the next day, I limited myself to only two glass of wine... The partygirl in me did want beer, but the jock in me said it was forbidden... so I had a ton of Alcohofree beer, that made me piss like a racehorse...

Berlin is a city that has a spot deep within my heart - I love the city - and if I had any reason whatsover I wuould move there. Well, ecept from the smoking, what's up with the smoking? 

life with rollerderby

I am sitting in my office - time has passed, I am on a way to a board meeting, my nose is hurting, I am wearing an office acceptable dress. Just a few days ago I was on a track with a noosebleed - the first I have ever had - something new you know!

I am hungry and forgot to go for lunch because I have work to do, to make up for all those days when I didn't have time for it, because I was playing derby.

My heart is always in the time of the derby - I love it - let's play it out.... I still can get better, I still can push myself - and what is life worth if you don't follow your heart? 

Coming back from an injury

II've never really been injured before - sure I did break my wrist while snowboarding - but that I just ignored and duct taped and the fracture wasn't discovered until two years later... Yeah, I like to tell that story - because it sort of explains how crazy an determined I am - and I guess I have a high pain threshold... First year skating I also separated my shoulder, but I just took a week off, and then I was back on skates and skating non-contact with my arm in a sling.

We also all know that I was an idiot and fell down a bar last year, putting a huge dent into my shin and spraining my ankle. That was also solved by a huge amount of tape - I had a bout a week later - and I had never missed a bout... And I wasn't about to do that either.

So sure - please - I'm an idiot, but the abuse my body gone trough becuse of my sports are probably way less than society has put it through, so I'm willing to cope...

BUT then it happened, May 2013 in Gent, I fell so bad during a bout that I couldn't get up - the pain was just the worst I ha ever been through and I was transported to the hospital in a fancy Belgian ambulance (they keep on sending me bills in Flammish now, probably should use google translate to sort them out). At the hospital they x-rayed me and did all that fancy stuff, just to figure out I was going to be fine. But before they sent me off they pumped me full of some really strong painkiller that made me puke and pass-out on the ER parking... Wohoooo! 

And I could barley walk for the first two weeks, let alone skate... For the first time I just could not push through the pain and make my body do what I wanted it to! I was in serious pain, and the worst part was that my leg just would NOT cooperate! AND I had gotten scared of reliving the pain, of that first fall... Now three month after that injury - I'm back - I'm skating, I'm not scared and I'm having lots of fun! 

Missing passport!

I'm going to Berlin for a wedding - from the wedding I'm flying to play two bouts in Scotland. To go to Germany I need no passport - but since UK has to be so special - I need to carry a passport... And BAM... I can't find my passport! And I'm 100% sure I had it two days ago - since the Americans are all pesky about that thing too... 

I realized that I had probably left the passport at my office - since I went straight from rollerconomania to work... Yeah... So in the middle of the night I had to enjoy a 20 min bike ride to work to pick it up! 

AND when I was there anyway (1 am) I figured I do some work... I'm finally packed - and walking to the flight bus in 40 min... Talk about feeling accomplished - and in need of sleep. I think I've been running on a maximum of 4 hours of sleep the past days. Jet lag and passport - you are not treating me like the Queen Swede Janica Saxelinknows I am... QS is hoping that Stefanie Bohnet will provide a soft and nice bed for her!

Berlin for a wedding!

When I moved back to Europe I made two friends within the Berlin Bombshells - Heavy Rotation and Resident Shevil - I've stayed with them multiple times and been skating, swimming cooking, bouting against and trying hard to understand movies in German with them. (They are German, so hopefully they understood the movie better than me). I've always have had a really great time with them, except from when Shevil hip checked me into a wall after my Gent injury, because I touched Rotations boob (this sounds really bad, but it was innocent) - but except from those little bumps in our friendship - we have had it good.

Well, so the point of this blog is that I'm on my way to Berlin to attend their wedding, and I'm suuuper excited! Those two amazing people are tying the knot for reals - and I get to attend! How cool is that!? Very cool I'd say!  

I am gonna wear a dress and I'm going to smile. Yep - another trip to Berlin - my favourite European city! 

How I once believed I had to be different

I am great just the way I am, how I look and how I panic because I don't believe in myself. I worked hard to be who I am today - but I've also decided that I will never be happier trying to be anyone but me. I am cranky when I don't eat, so I eat, I look buffer when I don't drink, so I don't drink so often. I spent my early twenties being scared, scared of being myself and not like everyone else, not to fit in! I was scared that my thighs were to big, my ass to wide, my boobs too small... And yet they functioned so well... 

I will never deny myself a certain piece of food ever again because it will make me look better, because it's not how it works. Everything in moderation is the true way to go... I eat balanced, not too much and not to little - I treat myself when I crave something and then I crave it no longer. 

Restricting myself have never worked... But damn did my abs pop last summer when I had post-breakup anxiety attacks and lived off apples... But not really worth it... 

Me and Isabella at an unown island outside stockholm... we kayaked to get here...  AND we did not drown! 

Keeping active is the key, and being injured, it's been hard! Skating been a great way of staying fit - in an easy way... but my bike has really been my saviour... I try to bike everyday... from and too work.. all-over the place!

But when it comes down to everythign, it's not about how you look - it's about how you feel! I really don't care about dropping X amount of weight - because it's just numbers, it says NOTHING about hte way you look.. .adn spendign your life chasing numbers... will give you NO satisfaction! 

RollerCon 2013

Life as we all know ist - I am going to RollerCon 2013 - I get to play with VR and with amazing and lovley Amazons again... I think this might be the spark to my eye.. .and well - I am also working hardcore on a tan, tan, tan... I have a love and hate relationship with Vegas and RollerCon - but I keep on comming back.. .So what can I say!? Isn't that answer enought?

 and then I'm hitting up a wedding in Berlin... How about that? 

The problem with the Neverending Season

We dont have a season - not in the way other sports have seasons, most leagues have a few weeks here and there - but a few months off - is unheard off.

But something that is heard off is skater burn-out... I am very sure this have some sort of connection. The feeling of guilt by choosing something over derby and the constant workload combined with practice. Don't get me wrong - I love derby - but I think this is a reason so many of us burnout. Give yourself a break when needed, or you will wake up one day and realise that you just don't love derby anymore... It's OK to miss a bout or two - if that means you will come back with new energy and feel like pushing your and your teams goals forward! 

If you can't skate you can ALWAYS be there for your team in so many ways!  

Being injured has really given me the feeling that I wanna skate again, that I love rollerderby, that I love coaching - that no matter what - I wanna be involved!

I know it sounds crazy to people that just started wit hderby that there are people that need and want a break from derby, but I don't love derby any less for needing a break, I just need it to keep on loving and being able to give my all. I love skating, I love coaching and I love everything that's around derby, but it's hard to always be in prime condition, rollerderby is a mental game, I barley eat during tournaments and bouting weekends, coaching or playing... So I need my off-season to eat well, go to the gym and not feel like I HAVE to be at rollerderby practice or I'll make my team disapointed. I wanna be the best I can be the time I am around my team.