Sep 17, 2014

Todays first world problem

Those clothes were sweaty and also need to be cleaned...

I put laundry on in the basement of my building, I went and worked out, I put everything in the dryer while I went upstair into my apartment and took a shower. I laid down on my bed wrapped in my towel to realise that everything I was wearing for my trip to NYC was in the dryer.


(what I did, I threw on a fancy dress and grabbed my stuff)

Sep 16, 2014

Stockholm, I love you

Stockholm is really the most beutiful city in the world, there is no way to argue that it's not. I love it so much!
I walk through the city in the night, and I walk through it during the day... and I love it, my heart aches because I love it so much. 

Sep 12, 2014

I have this sudden urge to start playing rugby, it's really weird... It's been an itch for years now... and I fear I am probably too old and it does look painful... and I would hate to get hurt and not being able to play rollerderby... but still... rugby looks like it's soo much FUN!

If I dont talk to you it's probably because I'm shy

I am terrible at smalltalk, I am terrible at talking to people I don't really know. Those are social skills that I fail at. If YOU don't strike a conversation with me, I probably will not talk to you, and it's not because I don't like you, it's prbably because I don't really know what to say.

I am not the greatest at social situations, and I know it. I am goofy, have a short attention span, forget things ALL the time and MAJOR time management problems. I also get easily distracted, by everything!

I am great at lots of things, but small talk and striking conversation is not two of them. I used to refuse to answer the phone at work for a long time, because I hated to talk to strangers on the phone. I sometimes have a hard time to strike conversation with people I know for a long time. I am not one to just talk, I try sometimes, but I'm not brilliant at it, I usually feel a little flustered and probably end up saying somethign goofy.

My hearing is also terrible, just aweful, in any bar or place where there is lot's of background noise, I will not be able to keep up in a conversation. I usually smile and nod, I have probably agreed to lots of dumb thing, just because I couldn't follow the conversation...

I guess what I wanted to say with this post is that: Just because someone doesn't talk to you doesn't mean they are ignoring you. Sometimes a small ting like just walking up to someone and ask them what you really have on your mind makes it all easier. No one I know is a mindreader, and I will for sure not know what you are thinking if you don't tell me... it is a two-way thing, and I TRY to get better, but often it's just easier to talk to people I already know... because I am shy!

This doesn't really have much to do with it text, I stole it from Onlys facebook because it's awesome and totally on point!


Sep 10, 2014

Reflections, reflections and more reflections when in Stockholm

I guess I should have seen my tiredness coming, and the sudden retirement of DNN really got me thinking, that and som much more. I am in Stockholm and I´m jetlagged watching the fullmoon shine over the empty quiet lanscape outside of my mothers house. I love it here and I wonder why I always have to go...

A year ago I posted this : and I really did not slow down a single time since. I turned down a family trip to Brazil so I could manage and coach Wintergames in January  (yes the rest of Stockholm Rollerderby did a great job too, but this blog just happen to be about ME) and YES it was great to have my girlfriend come in and coach, but that is just not the point. I loved and still love Stockholm Rollerderby, I can't tell you how many hours I have spent of my office time, late nights and on the subway to answer e-mails, network, plan practices, book flights, print sceduals, find someone to coach other practices, figure out what to do when our hall space get cancelled ect ect... and I always felt stressed that I didn't do enough, that I wasn't living up tp expectations, and it wasnt always others, but also my own. I'm a strong athletic woman with endless time and energy...

I worked fulltime, went to school part-time and did derby fulltime... this is not a complain, this is just a fact. I didn't really like my job, I stayed on because it was a good source of income. I felt lonely with my girlfriend so far away and most of all, I felt underapreciated, and I know I was apreciated. I still didn't feel like I was good enough, with my hamstring healing much slower than I wanted and constanly being in pain, it made me push harder and harder. I am competative and I wanted to win at life, in rollerderby, in love, in everything.

At the end of the May I was just miserable and I knew I needed a break, a cut off, a get away. And I did... I wasn't ready to leave rollerderby so I went back to NYC. I slept, and I slept and I skated, skated and skated,. And I slept more and some more... the healing of sleep can not be underestimated. I also did some major staring into the wall and writing all my anxiety away.  I went to NYC because I needed to push myself harder in rollerderby, because rollerderby is that important of a component in my life, it was: sink or swim, and I was swimming for my dear life! I needed to progress my own skills and I needed to grow stronger and build some trust in myself. I needed to be somewhere where I felt it was ok to be just me. And I have grown stronger, I learn something new every practice, and I push, push myself because I allow myself to try new things all the time. I cannot thank OMG and Bonnie enough for letting me crash in their extra room to gain myself back.

When I got the email that I made the Gotham Allstars Charter, I felt really proud and I can't deny that my eyes teared up, because it meant a lot to me, it did not only mean that I'm a skilled skater but a teamplayer. Going to Sacramento was amazing, it is the first tournament I have ever gone to and not being rostered,  saw my team go out and perform, and I felt excited that I belonged to this team. Not gonna lie, I much rather be playing, and I will push myself at every practice to be rostered for next time. I will listen, learn and try, fall and get up again. I know I am a part of the team and being at practice we challange each other, and in that way we all become better and better and better.

I miss coaching very much, and at Sacramento this weekend TARAism came up to me, and told me how my coaching had helped her. (She studued abroad in Sweden for a year and skated with Stockholm Rollerderby) It made me warm and fuzzy inside, it also made me miss Stockholm Rollerderby.

I am very proud of being a part of Gotham, it's my home but so is Stockholm... and I often miss Stockholm Allstars, we have had som many great times together, trips, practices, meetings and dreams. We went to Florida and played three amzing bouts, we almost beat Houston, we were 50 points away from Steele City, we did get our asses kicked by Tampa... but we weren't steamrolled.

I still left Florida feeling like I had let the team down, we werent gonna go to D2 playoffs, and at the same time I got my heart broken and I had to sit myself on a flight to London to play with Team Sweden and try to smile, smile, smile even if I was breaking into a thousand pieces .  I just wanted somone to shake me and hug me and say I did amazing things. I got lost in London (like REALLY lost ) and got yelled at and I broke into a thousand pieces on the inside but kept on smiling as much as I could.

 At that point I realised I had to take off. I needed a vacation from who I had taken on to be. 

Sep 3, 2014

Going to Sacramanto Playoffs

I will be going to Sacramento with Gotham in just two days, tonight is the last practice before we take off. I am VERY proud to be a part of Gotham Allstars again, and I am learnign something new everyday!

I have so much on my mind right now. Life is a curious thing, and the thoughts that are running around in my head are many and utterly confusing.

Can't wait to be in Sacramento!

Aug 15, 2014

RollerCon 2014

RollerCon is always fun, but you never really know what to expect more than it is going to be fun and that you get to play with and against of awesome and exciting people.

Last year sort of sucked, because I was injured and wanted to skate so bad that I did skate but performed really poorly and was in pain the entire time. I guess on the plusside last year was that I met Eagle, it was worth all the pain ;-)

Well, this year Vagine Regime was a great bout to play, the people on the roster makes me so excited it makes me almost wet myself, but I don't because it would totlly show on the grey pants...

Fasholes vs. Tomboys is always the most hillerious, and this year I think I got "best outfit", another bout that was hillerious and I hope I get invited to skate in next year again was Prancersice vs. Twerk... I am a natural born Prancersicer... not sure if that is something to be proud of... but I AM!! Also playing with team Cruz is always delightful, I get to let my inner Viking out and just growl at everyone... yeah, that's what I consider a sucessful bout.

I guess what's fun with most of the challange bouts at rollercon is that they don't matter, some do, like the VR-bout, but many you just step on the track and do your best and mistakes can just be laughed away... I jam... and I jam... but mostly block and I try new things!

Hanging out in the pool, or by the pool during night was also great, this year I spent a lot of time with Rose City skaters, I guess I've visited Portland quite a bit the past year, and also this year they had quite a representation.

We went to the Vegas Haufbrau Haus, it's the third year we did that, and it was amazing and awefully fun and this year I had two steins of wheat beer and got way to intoxicated. It's an off-campus activity that I really appreciate being a part of. I love RollerCon, but after a few days at the Riviera it's nice to just leave and do something different with your friends.

If you wanna get  better view of what happened at RollerCon 2014, get the next issue of Five on Five, since I wrote a RollerCon 2014 re-cap for them.

Sorry this post is late, but I've been very focused on other things... like making GOTHAM ALLSTARS... :-D

Aug 2, 2014

Swedish Championships in Rollerderby 2014

I know this is real late, but I've thrown my life in a crazy direction and made a bunch of rational and probably irrational changes... And it has lead to no blog in a while, since I frankly have not really had my computer around not time to write. This is about to change....

Last year I stod on the bench, coaching my team to a gold. I felt like i was a part of that gold, even if a torn hamstring the previous month stopped me from any sort of rollerderby action. It was awesome to bench, but I still love playing rollerderby too much, I still love skating fast and hitting hard, I want ready to retire. 

So this year I got to skate in the finals against Crime City. It was superduper fun but hard to play. This was my last bout with Stockholm for quite a while...  Both Stockholm and CCR played well, but in the end Stockholm took the win. This was a real hard bout to play, and both teams deserved to win. 

It was also my last bout with Stockholm for 2014...