Things that make me cry...

...well in this case it is just emotional happiness.

USA recognised homosexual marrige in all the 50 states. It is a huge step forward, love is love and will always be love. I really don't care who you marry, maybe I will never be married, but I love to read that we are all the same, we are not treated different in the eyes of the law. a human can marry another human that they happen to love. Ok, fine... there are limits to everything, but you know what I mean...

In many times I don't think I care that much, until I read the articles online and see the happiness it creates. Love is supposed to bring joy into our hearts, it's supposed to be something we celebrate, not something that is a burden and something we ALWAYS have to fight for,

I know there are many opinions about marrige and the significance of it, but when it all comes down to it, I like to have the possibility to say no, rather than not have it avaible to me if I meet someone I want to marry, no matter what the sex is.

SO FLY THOSE RAINBOW FLAGS HIGH... because rainbows and unicorns will always win in the end! And a BIG WELCOME TO USA for stepping into the 21st century... 

Magazine party pre-reading night... in QX style

Me, Gisela, Mire and new friend

Wednesday I went to the pre-read of the Swedish Gay and Lesbian magazine QX. It was my friend Giselas birthday, and since we are both superbusy it was nice to spend some time with her.
I also had the pleasure to see a whole bunch of the other girls from the TV-show Flator that I'm in. Well, it's airing this spring, and I guess it will mean I become gaymous or something...

Well, it was nice and chatty and free drinks, that I only had very few of, since I have the important Sweden vs. Finalnd game this weekend... oh and looking at the pictures I get very pleased with my haircut (yeah, I know, I am shallow)

My friend Gisela is currently the vice-chair of the Swedish Youth LGBT organization, and i have so much respect for what she's doing. I really often think that I should and could do more. I guess being as involved as I am in rollerderby that is such a female empowering sport and very open to LGBT people is a step, but well, I don't think I'd have time for much more... sometimes it might be the thought that counts...

I'm getting shown  pictures. Matilda (the blonde) is also in Flator

The gayness of rollerderby

Rollerderby is so gay, well - it is a very happy sport, and it's completly OK to be whoever you happen to be, as long as you are respectful towards everyonelse. I have never felt as confident about myself as I am in teh derbyworld, and I never have to hide the fact that I prefer women over men. I don't mind men, I just don't like to date them...

It be wrong to say that I always been gay, I really have not, always known I was gay, I've had my fair share of men, and it really took me quite a while to come out to myself, to be confident enough in my feelings to be able to look myself in the mirror and say: "HEy Girl Hey, I'm gay!" Rollerderby have been a great environment to be out and proud, it feels safe and maybe sometimes my friends doubt my choices of dating, but it's not because of the gender of the person, but rahter the person I'm dating.

When I skated in US, I quickly ran into Vagine Regime, I saw Team Vagine skate my first year at RollerCon (that be 2008) and the next year I was asked to join the ranks and had the honor to be a part of Team Vagine and got to skate with some of the coolest and most fun queer derbygirls of US. Bringin back love and queerness to Scandinavia Vagine Regime Nordic got started back in 2010, not much action but it is slowly picking up and now we have a Vagine Regime Nordic bout against Kallio Rolling Rainbows this upcomming Saturday. It will be fun to be back in Helsinki and get to hang out with my friend Only.

There are many girls that thook their first queer steps during their time in rollerderby, and it is not that rollerderby turns anyone gay. You don't turn gay, you just realise that you are fine with being in love with someone of your own sex. In the rollerderby community you will not be judged for your choice of partner, and the supportsystem is huge. Rollerderby is not a datingservice, even if there are quite a few women that meet each other on the track, but that is not why we play rollerderby.

Rollerderby and the inclusioness is so different from what I felt like when I was competing in snowboarding, I loved the sport snowboarding, and I still love dragging the board to the mountain during the winter. I just could never get used to the world of dudes and utter sexism that existed. I always felt like I was wrong and that I was never good enough, rollerderby is of course not always amazing, I have days I feel like crying... but for most times it's a warm and welcoming feeling to meet another derbygirl, to step on a strange floor, to play a teamsport where I can just be myself... 

When you stand in a middle of a wedding...

...you realize what you want, that you need to follow your heart - because otherwise nothign will ever be true! You can't live the life that everyone else told you that you should, only you can chose your own path, and your own sucess and your own lifepartner. Thanks Rotation and Shevil for getting marries so I could have a life-revelation...

I just recently have understood how hard it was for me to come out, not to my friends and family, but to myself. I am that person, that just had a hard time to accept myself, I always knew I was different, I just didn't want to be different, and the harder I fought aginst it the more obvious it became to the rest of the world.. It was just right there and then when two dear friends that got married, that I understood, that why do I doubt things so much, why do I question myself, when I know how I feel really deep down, why do I date when I feel nothing? I can't be with someone just not to feel alone, because that just isn't me. I realized how I had to buckle up and follow my heart, even if it was beyond complicated. You gotta live and love!

I want to be swept off my feet, I want to be told that I am adorable and amazing, I want to be inspired to climb mountains, to write fairytales, to sleep under starry skies. I want to share my anxiety and my joy, and I want my heart to sing everytime I hear her voice. I want our eyes to burn and tickle each others skin.  That is what i want to feel, so I went for it, right or wrong, only time can tell.

This post says absolutley nothing and everything - but for me it's all so clear now. Go, and go in peace with yourself, you can lie for the rest of the world, but don't lie to yourself just because it's easier. I am proud of being me! You can't take the easy way out, becase it will be the harder way in the longrun.

Oh and by the way me, Loony, Kix and Kim are representing Stockholm Rollerderby in the last issue of QX. QX is a free gay magazine here in Sweden... it's sort of really cool! I think it's cool at least...

Looking good in the neighbourhood...

You Should Support this!

This is superduper cool! YOU really should support this, because derby is what it is because of all the outspoken humans that have built and created this community together.
 I love Vagine Regime - rollerderby has given me a voice and a place where I feel secure in being queer, where I loud and proud can look people in the eye and be who I am.

Bonding with the small members of the family...

It happens at times that people take me for a boy, and I must say, I might not dress the most feminie and I'm more athletic than curvy. Being six feet tall (about 180 cm) probably has something to do with it too.  But it happens very sledom and most of the time it's manifested in some strager saying ''excuse me sir''.

The other day I went over to my dad's and I was teaching my six year old sister how to rollerskate. All of a sudden she looks up at me and says:
"Are you a girl?"
A little taken aback by the question, I nod laugh a little and say.
"Yes, of course I am a girl, I am your sister"
My sister looks at me, wobbeling on her skates, just to fire off the next question.
"Are you in love with a boy?" (I am very out to my family, and they have all met my ex on several occations)
Even more flustered I have to tell her "No" after I have answered her, she looks at me, nods, and then she announces.
"I am not in love with a boy"

Well, I am happy we established that, I am not a boy and I am not in love with a boy, and I guess I should be happy that my six year old sister is not in love with anyone (at least not a boy).

So many questions

Does this make me look like a boy...