Sometimes you gotta rest and eat.

I am a go-go-go person, have you met me? I want everything to happen now now now... and I am restless and sometimes I move on so fast I don't finish what I am doing. I try to read three books at the same time and also listen to three different podcasts and when I'm online I'm always reading three diffeent articles, chattign with at least five people at the same time as I try to put a spreadsheet/article/budget/whatever I am working on together.

In short, I often overwhelm myself and sometimes I get lost in what I shouldn't be doing instead of doing what I should be doing.

Well, that was not what this blog was gonna be about, that is a totally different blog, this blog was gonna be about working out/skating and remembering to plan in recovery days. If you work out and skate as many of us do, we need to have days where we let our muscles recover. We need to let ourselves rest... our bodies need to rest to recover and become stronger. We aalso need to EAT! Food is really an important part of becoming stronger. Eating healthy is really not gonna be bad, but make sure that you are not obsessed with not eating fat or carbs... ect... you need fat and you need carbs if you work out. Everytime I start to obsess about what to eat and not to eat, I usually gain waight, because my brain omitt the word NOT...

So if I think I can NOT eat ice-cream, my brain hears I CAN eat ice-cream and I get a craving for it. I am not saying that eating ice-cream is a bad thing, but it's not dinner and I rather have something else... I do love ice-cream so I will have it a few times a week... just not everyday... everything is fine in moderation...  and with that said, gaining weight is not that bad. I've gained 5 pounds the past two months. I don't really weigh myself more than once a month, because it is not about your weight... my muscles are HEAVY, and the past two months Gotham Allstars season have kicked in, and that means LOT'S of working out... also five pounds of blocker weight is not gonna hurt me...

I know my body (most of the time), and sometimes I need to take two days off from skating and intense off-skate... it doesn't mean I am just laying in bed all day. It usually means I take a long walk, streach, take a warm bath. Have a big steak, some ice-cream and a glass or two of wine... or real good beer... maybe even a kiss or two... (HA, one can only dream).

Because we are worth it! ANd in my go-go-go life and always striving to become better, faster, harder and stronger, I sometimes forget that the resting is important... and to eat... undereating is just as bad as overeating... Overtraining is just as bad as not training at all, and will generally leave you weaker than when you began!
 Ortorexia is a thing YO!

Be careful and take care of yourself... 

It's snowing in NYC

So we are supposed to get a crazy amount of snow and there is a citywide emergency alert, trains and roads are shutting down. And worst of all practice got cancelled. Living with two other Gotham Allstars have the perk (?) that we still got motivated and did a work-out. So much fun! I love having people to work out with! I'm not really that great of a self-motivator.

It's crazy how the entire city is shutting down over some snow... But we are all set, we bought a bunch of religious candles at the bodega, in case the electricy goes out. We are stocked with food, Violet is making chili, Vish is gonna bake shortbread cookies (my favourite) and I'm gonna make the Swedish version of mulled wine (Glögg). Yay for having the best roomies and friends ever! 

Another practice, blisters, and just that thang... learning

Sometimes everything is just great, just great, I'm hyper (most of the time) and I want to do everything. Yesterday I went to open skate and then stayed around for NYSE practice that Jonathan R lead. I had blisters when I started skating... 4 hours later, they were no better... that's all I can say on that matter. We all choose dumb things at times... my blisters choose to not go away... but dont worry, we will have words.

I am constantly feeling like I am catching up on skills, the past four years I developed a lot, but my prime focus was to teach and coach others, to develop teams and rollerderby in general. On many oaccations me being the most seasoned and skilled skater. And as I've said before, I don't mind, I love being able to coach and share all the derby with everyone.

BUT it is really amazing to be able to go to a practice and learn a bunch of new skills, well, at least take a stab at them. Yesterday it was fun, because we did a bunch of skills that were derived from speedskating, artistic skating and jamskating... and against my own better understanding, we scrimmaged for a bit.

Yeah.... I am hurting today, from using a bunch of unkonwm muscles and from a nice hit I got that really sent me flying... happens... it happens...

So far this month I have skated for about 36 hours (including my outdoor skate) - and I've gotten better at feeding myself. I've started to cook at home, at this point I might be making a little too much pasta, but yesterday I made crepes filled with mincedmeat sauce. Freaking amazing in my mouth after practice. 

Fighting Fit - The crying week

Yesterday at fighting fit was really weird, everyone seemed really emotional, I was on the verge of crying for no reason at all, and I was not the only one...

It was sooooo relieving when I got to do kicks followed by body punches. Yeah, felt real good to punch hard into those pads.  Sometimes the fighting part gets a little frustrating to me, since I'm so uncoordinated... 

Yesterday the crossfit part was freakin sooo hard, we have had much harder rounds, but yesterday it was just like all of us were empty.

We did:

70 push-ups with claps

70 jumping squats

70 burpees

70 switch lunges 

70 toe-touch situps

70 mountainclimbers

It is for sure not the hardest program we done, but we were ALL struggling to get trough it, except from NeveRest (her first time) who just kept going like a little mashine... Must be her cheerleading background. 

On my way home I got some protein-powder, since I've realised I'm real bad at eating, and I might not get enough calories into my body. I'm really determined to get my body into the best shape I can be! 

Starting next week, me and Thunder are going to Fighting Fit twice a week... Yeah... True story! I'm also going to start hitting up the gym more often to get some more strength training.

Next week I will also hear back from my doctor about my second MRI of my hamstring, to get to know more closely what the best sort of physical therapy would be. I just started to go to a sports massage place, and it seem to work out quite well. The level of pain is going down.

Lesson learned

I know this already, I still do it at times... I should not go to the gym without eating properly before. Without eating properly the entire day, I never eat breakfast and when I end up only having cottage cheese and two apples for lunch... The workout is doomed to fail! Well, the lack of sleep might have had some to do with it too... I had to give up after 10 burpees and rest... Yikes... And the class I took at the gym is fairly chill... 40 sec and rest 20 in blocks of three exercises...  I block of strength, one block endurance and one block of core... Straightforward and I really should not be feeling lightheaded...

Well, I am still proud of myself going to the gym, instead of just going straight home and just laying on the couch reading a book... Or watching Heroes... Books sounds smarter, right?

Off-skate fighting to fit

Poor Alpha had to keep up with my terrible coordination

Like really, I totally enjoy working out, but as I've said before, I REALLY have a hard time motivating myself. So working out in a group is really what I love doing, and on Thursdays Fighting Fit is for Stockholm Rollerderby... It's about eight of us that come regularly... the first half is all about fighting and how too, I am seriously CHALLANGED in this part. Considering that I am as good in rollerderby as I am, you would like to belive that I have some sort of coordination... meh... I do have fast reactions... The second part is high intense workout crossfit stylish... Yesterday Asstroid, Kim, Thunders, Chaos, Slinky and Alpha showed up, feels like that is the usual crowd, and I like it!
Yesterday the exercise part was determined by the roll of a dice... yeah... we did roll lot's of burpees... Hella painful today, but I feel great, I'm coming back from Christmas/New Years hiatus and ready to get in better shape than ever. My hamstring IS still hurting, but I truly feel like I have the strenght back, making me feel more comfortble on the track and also while doing off-skate... I do have to remember that I need more of a warm-up than before my injury, and jamming still scares me...
I am also trying to eat better, and that really doesn't mean that I'm going to eat less, but rememebr to eat, and make good choices. Yesterday I got entrecot (it's a hunk of meat) and made a side salad of red peppers, cucumber and an avocado with soem balsamic vineger, olive oil, salt and pepper. It turned out to be yummy, but it really is so much LESS fun to cook just for yourself, sitting by the table eating alone really made me miss Eagle...
I've booked two classes at my gym this weekend, and they are classes I havn't attended yet, and I'm totally trying to coax Kim to come with me on Saturday. Me and Kim are spending Saturday making Chilli, you know one of those chilis that you cook for hours, and it becomes REAL yummy in the end!  SO looking forward too that!

Ready set eat... yum yum yum... 

And then I fell asleep in the compression recovery tights that I got from my mother for my Birthday... yesterday was a good day and tonight we have rollerderby practice, so it will be a good day today too!

Food is an issue and the best thing I know!

I am an athlete - I work out five times per week, and I expect my body to really step up an perform at every bout I play. I treat my body to nutrition and rest. I believe in myself and in my body to perform and be all it can be, with as much help from me as possible - me and my body coexist as that one being we are.

This might all sound strange to you, clearly the body and mind of the same being are one, but that used to not be true for me, and I think that is the same for many with me. I used to look at my body as something that needed to be controlled, something that limited me from who I really could be. Instead of listening to my needs and what my body craved I would decide it, because I could, because I wanted and needed that feeling of control. I still believe in pushing myself and my body, but in a healthy way, in a way I know I will perform better and will put a smile on my face.

I have never been obese, but for many years I felt like my body was disproportional, that my legs and ass didn't match up with my small breast and slender upper body. I always gain my weight on my thighs and ass... And an explosive sport such as snowboarding really made my legs HUGE in my late teens/early 20's. I hated my legs, and I was on constant diets and dreamed about getting a set of silicon boobs to even out the pear shape and make me more desirable. Or to be honest I was more or less dreaming of my legs to slim down, I wanted a boyfigure, I've always been more of a Twiggy fan, not so much Marilyn Monroe. My life wasn't made easier by friends commenting on my small chest, and I even had a friend who did have a boobjob before I met her tell me "Well, my orignal boobs were at least larger than yours". To clarify to everyone - NOW I do find my boobs very awesome as they are!

But when it came down to it all: It wasn't so much about being thin or having the perfect body, it was more about the control, the feeling of lightness and satisfaction when I completely had not eaten, when the world was the most confusing, I at least knew that I could control myself. It was about striving for a perfection that I could never reach, but still strive for. I remember myself as young as 13 living of only juice for weeks, juice and water, having to leave class every 30 minutes to pee, you have to drink a crazy amount of water to stave the hunger feelings. And even if it wasn't about being thin, it still was satisfying to hear "you look so skinny, you look so good" compliments, compliments.... And we still do that, compliment each other on the looks, and it's almost always about the extra kilos that have been shed.. Compliments with our own and all other girls weights in focus, we judge ourselves and each other, we get judged by strangers on a dayly basis. We just are expected to always be so darn perfect looking, so amazingly skinny, just naturally.

My relationship to food is still complicated, but more relaxed, I eat what I want, I avoid to overeat but also to undeat, I go to the gym and derby practice and I am very proud of when my muscles show and my body is looking good. I do still sometimes fall back in old patterns of not eating, and I have to look myself in the mirror and tell myself : "denying yourself food will never make you happier, just weaker and a little crazy" 

I know myself, and I dont ever want to be on a diet or any diet restriction, I know how fast I fall into letting my entire life revolve about food. I love cooking and eating, and I want to eat without any hesitations! I become a grumpy bitch if I don't eat! A skinny grumpy old bitch....

Eating is key... for a happy life! 

Damn I am hungry RIGHT now! 

I am a proud GYM-member

So I got a gym membership through my fantastic job, and we all know that I really like to work out, even if I am a really laaaazy girl... So I am now a member of SATS and now I've decided to really use those classes that they offer. Most of their classes are crazy popular and you have to book about a week in advance, and that is probably not really awesome for me, considering I'm quite an impulsive person.

I hate lifting weights by myself, and a personal trainer is currently not in my budget, so the next best would probably be the classes. So during the next few days I will tell you all about the classes I have attended...

So the first one I went to was called SATS Energy, it was supposed to be a high energy class with simple steps inspired by athletic movements...  
To be honest - I might be a very good rollerderby player, I still have NO clue how I can be, since my coordination is bad. People are known to compare me to a ragdoll... But simple and athletic movements sounded like someting that even a mildly aerobic challanged person like me could pass... WELL, if they by athletic inspired movements mean inspired by cheerleaders and gymnastics - I'll understand... I still did probably look very entertaining to everyone else... I really wanted to leave the class - but since I am such a trooper - I stayed around til the end... but SERIOUSLY - you will NEVER see me there again, jumping sideways while moving my arms out of sync... (everyone else were synced)

The second one I went to was Deadball, and you get a partner and then you spend 45 minutes throwing a 2,5 kg ball between you. The ball does not bounce... it's VERY dead! 
I had a great time, maybe because the random girl I got partnered with was one of the most positive people I've ever worked out with, it made me positive and we were both so supportive of each other that I almost started to think that we could compete in this, we were going pro.. but I don't think deadball is a competative sport... but I will return to this class, hoping that my new special friend will be there...

Stay tuned and I will let you know about, Box, Crosstraining, GRITPlyo, SATSCore and probably something else I have tried by then... now I am off to my dad to pick up a TV - since he apperently got a new one... so that mean i get his old as my new...

You may wonder what this picture has to do with the text... It's cookies and milk... I call it the best recovery meal EVER!

In Paris - transit

Burgers and red wine... when in Paris.... 

So on my way to coach in Montpellier I spent one night in Paris with my best friend Em. Em has NOTHinG to do with derby, we know each other from back in the day when we both competed in snowboarding... Now neither of us really snowboard anymore, but we are friends for life. She's probably the person in the world that knows me the best! It was great to get to hang out with her and to catch up on what's happening in both of our lives. We haven't seen each other since we went to Barcelona with my mother in May, and as we all know, lots of things have changed since then.
We went out for food, had some red wine, I insisted on the red wine since we were in France, I mean, she lives here, and I don' 't but I like red wine.

In the morning we went to the bakery and got the baguette and the croissant - just like they do in the movies. Back at Ems 17m2 we made coffe and had a mellow and supernice breakfast.

Best friend EVER!

The bread is still WARM from the bakery! 

2013 here I come...

And it of course involves physical activity - and that is not only the kind of activity that happens on the derby track... I have signed up for Tough Viking... It's gonna be CRAZY! And we all know since Team Cruz, I am all of what a viking can be... otherwise Demanda wouldn't have invited me to play with them... it might also be the way I handle a big hammer... or my war-makeup...
I really don't know why I think this is gonna be a good idea, but I guess it will keep me motivated... also in mid-March me and this awesome girl Britta have a face-off challange. We still have not decided on the exact 8 challanges that we will face off against each other in... but I am quite sure it will be tough.. and I am planning on winning. I told my PT all about it yesterday, and then he made me do all those crazy exercises involving chins, inverted burpees and planks... Britta you are soooo going doooown...

I also have found a place where I can get my breakfast smoothie/juice and right now I'm drinking something that is warm and involves a banana and almondmilk... just can't be wrong... it taste so good, and I've decided that it's good for me! Beach 2013 and Tough Viking, you will NOT know what have hit you...

Rollerderby practice has also started, it is still really mellow with focus on our Fresh Meat that have their minimumskills test in 2 weeks. I haven't really had the time not the energy to focus much on our FM, I think I'm at the point in my derbycareer where I acctually mostly wanna focus on the highest level play possible within my leauge. Can't wait to do windsprints tonight... and some scrimmage... some scrimmage will be AWESOME!!

So my plan is two onskate practices a week, one session with my PT (crazy guy called Cai) and then at least one or two other off-skate activities... it might be ice-skating, playing rugby, Nordic Military Training or somethign in the line of that... I am getting a gympass to SATS and I know that Kim has a pass to there... adn she is about as work-out crazy as I am... so I think that is a good idea... I just don't like to work out by myself, it is just no fun at all! And yesterday I wore yellow to the gym to show of the last tad of my tan... yeah...

Stockholm Rollerderby are now full WFTDA members

And to celebrate that we had cake!

I decorated this one, maybe I have a future in this line of work?

Life changes - and it's not that bad

Life is full of ups and downs - and 2012 was a down, down, down... Of course there ha been highlights and fun times, but I have had a struggle. I was burned out, I didn't stop and I possibly still have not stopped.

Friends, you are amazing - thanks for all the times you been there for me, and sorry for being such a mess.

 I will be there for you when you fall - just call! Thank you to all of you, you know who you are, you made me believe that trust and friendship is worth it!

Dinner at the derby collective with Kix, Becky and Madde

Suprise! We also got cheeeeze.. .adn some pears for Becky...

Last night was amazing, so unplanned and just great. We had dinner, and talked, ate some more, chatted, massaged each other, talked, and most important of all, we laughed and I felt alive, I felt at home.

Yesterday...

Went for a long walk in the dark and then home to make vegan cinnamon buns with Becky... Ended the night by sleeping with my trustworthy panda, who always loves to be spooned by me... Yeah...
Life is gooood... Beer is gooood and people are crazy....

Baking in a dress... hm... I'm content

Becky testing the vegan buns wearing her Christmas sweater

Stockholm by night

I have had panda since I was 9, we are close friends

Quality time with a friend

Cooking, doing nothing, sauna, drinking a few, talking and silence... Life is good!

Sauna and then standing outdoors... life is good

A beer with a bear with horns... maybe it should be drank in a bar...

Half butter, half potatoes... Janica making the best mashed potatoes ever...

Friend dates are sometimes the best dates ever... 

After work me and Janica met up and drove out to my mothers house, there is a souna there and a huge kitchen. We brought some beer, wine and lots of food... We ate the good, drank the drinks, heated up the sauna and chatted the night away. Sometimes it's good to just get away and spend sometime with a good friend.

Blast from the past

I do have friends from before derby! A few that is!

Right now Trish is here visiting - it's quite a blast! It's nice to hang out and chill and just not have too much planned! All weekend was chill, me and Only went to a gigantic flea market and I found another jeanjacket I can turn into what Tush likes to call "a party vest" and you can apperently not have enough of those.
Oh and on Saturday Sookie and her husband Zok invited me, Trish, Smashed and Calla for BBQ. And that was super mellow and nice - yep - it was a good weekend!

We found SKATES

To much crap to buy! 

She's truly excited to be back in Stockholm!

Friday night... And Saturday morning...

Vegan-lasagna and and WFTDA Northern Regionals, it is all you need on a Friday night. I know I'm a derby nerd - and I guess it's OK.

I'm also sort of putting my apartment all together, making it my own little home and not the Swoony home anymore...

I just slept the first night in my new bed, and it was real comfortable, I just need to get one of those thinner mattresses for it, to make it just a tad softer. I slept in today, and I am spending most of the day by myself - because I really need some alone time at the moment. My life has twisted and changed, and I am still catching my breath.

Night out with Fisti and hot laaadies...

I miss skating with Fisti soooo much,  but she is not only an AMAZING skater but a freakign funny and hillerious person, and we both share the attentionspan of a five year old, so we have about as much fun as five year olds in a playground together. Usually people don't give five year olds alcohol... but we just treat ourselves, because that is just the kind of people we are.
I had Kim, Only and Becky over for dinner - and right when we had finished dinner Amy came with Swedish cinnamon buns... the plan was to go to a bar and have a few after dinner. Since we aer not so much on point we left the house hours after we planned, but still found a great place to have drinks and Amy could sing along and dance to various music...

Today Fisti is running our practice, and that will be supernice, to have someone different, and that isn't me to run practice... yay... and Fisit really is one of my favorite skaters, so I am totally looking forward to it... LOVE rollerderby!

Fisti makes awesome rings, now we all have one!

Vampires and great drinks - night and alcohol

Amy is sharing her hair with Only

Fireball - a very stupid idea I totally blame on Kim

After dinner you instagram about it

Heading to Södermalm after dinner

Fisti and Kim are VERY goodlooking

How I really like polkagrisar...steal mine and I bite...

MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE

Yes, I LOVE polkagrisar... the ones from Gränna are the best! If you have not had a polkagris from Gränna, you have missed out of one of the amazing things of life! Amazing! On our way to Gothenburg we stopped at a gasstation right outside Gränna and I found an amazing amount of Gränna polkagrisar to choose from... Loony laughed at me... I was extatic... klike a five year old in a candyshop...

It looks like I am letting them have some... but NOOOOOO... polkagrisar are ALL mine!! 

The derby non-derby life and food

So yesterday me and loony went over to Jazz and Toxic place to have dinner with Hell, Husse and Husses girlfriend Enoc. I have been friends with Husse and Jazz waaaay before derby, and I really enjoy to hang out with both of them outside of skating. One of our freshies came by later in the evening and was really supriesed that me and Husse have known each other for over 13 years...
Jazz is totally amazing at cooking, she made us all halloumi burgers, with homemade salsa and guacamole. Jazz is what we like to call a ''kocksvin'' and very particular about cooking, and I'm NOT gonna complain, because everytime we go over for dinner, we leave happy.

I do love cooking, but my foods are more comfortfoods, soups and stews, me and Loony have started to to start to pack lunch bags for work too. Every week we get a box of ecological produce delivered to our appartment - and it tends to last us all week... it is aaaamazing!

I need a kick in the ass...

I am just like everyone else - I need to work out to feel good. And just skating is just enough, we have two onskate practices per week, and in avarage I run one of them, so that means I only have one onskate practice per week. And one onskate practice per week will not keep anyone fit, it doesn't even keep you at the level you are at... so I have to find an alternative solution.
AND trust me on this one friends, I am a very lazy person, if I got to decide I probably would just go out to fancu restuarants and have great meals and good wine, and then I'd go home and watch something on TV while cuddeling with my girlfriend...

And no, I don't think it is fun to go to the gym, I never have, I've done it for a long time, when I was snowboarding and then in between and also now during derby, but it just don't motivate me. I need something more high-energy, and I also need other people to motivate me.
STRD are trying to have an off-skate on Thursdays - but it just tend to be the same 3-6 people showing up to it, apprently running in the snow seem to be very low on the list of things to do among our skaters.
 I am really considering becoming a member of Nordic Military Training, so I can do it once or twice every week. I think it might be really motivating, and it is extreamly fun for me to work out in groups and outdoor.

I also need to get better at eating, currently I run lot's and lots on sugar, especially on the afternoons, I LOVE candy - not chocolate - but little sour and salty candies... MmmMMMmmm... but I need to get better at eating, I miss my Herbalife shakes, they are yummy for breakfast, and I have run out. Krissy Krash would not be pleased with me... Currently my breakfast is a HUGE coffee with milk - and that my dear friends is NOT the best way of startign the day, we all know that!

I wanna look like I did a year ago and also feel like I did a year ago - full of energy and strong ... and skating once a week will not make it happen. I need more and more and more... and only I can decide waht I want to do with myself! Sometimes it's just hard to kick yourself - especially when you have a really comfortble couch and very goodlooking girlfriend and six more seasons of SuperNaturals to watch...

Me in January 2011 (in LA with Krissy Krash)