life with rollerderby

I am sitting in my office - time has passed, I am on a way to a board meeting, my nose is hurting, I am wearing an office acceptable dress. Just a few days ago I was on a track with a noosebleed - the first I have ever had - something new you know!

I am hungry and forgot to go for lunch because I have work to do, to make up for all those days when I didn't have time for it, because I was playing derby.

My heart is always in the time of the derby - I love it - let's play it out.... I still can get better, I still can push myself - and what is life worth if you don't follow your heart? 

Coming back from an injury

II've never really been injured before - sure I did break my wrist while snowboarding - but that I just ignored and duct taped and the fracture wasn't discovered until two years later... Yeah, I like to tell that story - because it sort of explains how crazy an determined I am - and I guess I have a high pain threshold... First year skating I also separated my shoulder, but I just took a week off, and then I was back on skates and skating non-contact with my arm in a sling.

We also all know that I was an idiot and fell down a bar last year, putting a huge dent into my shin and spraining my ankle. That was also solved by a huge amount of tape - I had a bout a week later - and I had never missed a bout... And I wasn't about to do that either.

So sure - please - I'm an idiot, but the abuse my body gone trough becuse of my sports are probably way less than society has put it through, so I'm willing to cope...

BUT then it happened, May 2013 in Gent, I fell so bad during a bout that I couldn't get up - the pain was just the worst I ha ever been through and I was transported to the hospital in a fancy Belgian ambulance (they keep on sending me bills in Flammish now, probably should use google translate to sort them out). At the hospital they x-rayed me and did all that fancy stuff, just to figure out I was going to be fine. But before they sent me off they pumped me full of some really strong painkiller that made me puke and pass-out on the ER parking... Wohoooo! 

And I could barley walk for the first two weeks, let alone skate... For the first time I just could not push through the pain and make my body do what I wanted it to! I was in serious pain, and the worst part was that my leg just would NOT cooperate! AND I had gotten scared of reliving the pain, of that first fall... Now three month after that injury - I'm back - I'm skating, I'm not scared and I'm having lots of fun! 

Missing passport!

I'm going to Berlin for a wedding - from the wedding I'm flying to play two bouts in Scotland. To go to Germany I need no passport - but since UK has to be so special - I need to carry a passport... And BAM... I can't find my passport! And I'm 100% sure I had it two days ago - since the Americans are all pesky about that thing too... 

I realized that I had probably left the passport at my office - since I went straight from rollerconomania to work... Yeah... So in the middle of the night I had to enjoy a 20 min bike ride to work to pick it up! 

AND when I was there anyway (1 am) I figured I do some work... I'm finally packed - and walking to the flight bus in 40 min... Talk about feeling accomplished - and in need of sleep. I think I've been running on a maximum of 4 hours of sleep the past days. Jet lag and passport - you are not treating me like the Queen Swede Janica Saxelinknows I am... QS is hoping that Stefanie Bohnet will provide a soft and nice bed for her!

Berlin for a wedding!

When I moved back to Europe I made two friends within the Berlin Bombshells - Heavy Rotation and Resident Shevil - I've stayed with them multiple times and been skating, swimming cooking, bouting against and trying hard to understand movies in German with them. (They are German, so hopefully they understood the movie better than me). I've always have had a really great time with them, except from when Shevil hip checked me into a wall after my Gent injury, because I touched Rotations boob (this sounds really bad, but it was innocent) - but except from those little bumps in our friendship - we have had it good.

Well, so the point of this blog is that I'm on my way to Berlin to attend their wedding, and I'm suuuper excited! Those two amazing people are tying the knot for reals - and I get to attend! How cool is that!? Very cool I'd say!  

I am gonna wear a dress and I'm going to smile. Yep - another trip to Berlin - my favourite European city! 

How I once believed I had to be different

I am great just the way I am, how I look and how I panic because I don't believe in myself. I worked hard to be who I am today - but I've also decided that I will never be happier trying to be anyone but me. I am cranky when I don't eat, so I eat, I look buffer when I don't drink, so I don't drink so often. I spent my early twenties being scared, scared of being myself and not like everyone else, not to fit in! I was scared that my thighs were to big, my ass to wide, my boobs too small... And yet they functioned so well... 

I will never deny myself a certain piece of food ever again because it will make me look better, because it's not how it works. Everything in moderation is the true way to go... I eat balanced, not too much and not to little - I treat myself when I crave something and then I crave it no longer. 

Restricting myself have never worked... But damn did my abs pop last summer when I had post-breakup anxiety attacks and lived off apples... But not really worth it... 

Me and Isabella at an unown island outside stockholm... we kayaked to get here...  AND we did not drown! 

Keeping active is the key, and being injured, it's been hard! Skating been a great way of staying fit - in an easy way... but my bike has really been my saviour... I try to bike everyday... from and too work.. all-over the place!

But when it comes down to everythign, it's not about how you look - it's about how you feel! I really don't care about dropping X amount of weight - because it's just numbers, it says NOTHING about hte way you look.. .adn spendign your life chasing numbers... will give you NO satisfaction! 

RollerCon 2013

Life as we all know ist - I am going to RollerCon 2013 - I get to play with VR and with amazing and lovley Amazons again... I think this might be the spark to my eye.. .and well - I am also working hardcore on a tan, tan, tan... I have a love and hate relationship with Vegas and RollerCon - but I keep on comming back.. .So what can I say!? Isn't that answer enought?

 and then I'm hitting up a wedding in Berlin... How about that? 

The problem with the Neverending Season

We dont have a season - not in the way other sports have seasons, most leagues have a few weeks here and there - but a few months off - is unheard off.

But something that is heard off is skater burn-out... I am very sure this have some sort of connection. The feeling of guilt by choosing something over derby and the constant workload combined with practice. Don't get me wrong - I love derby - but I think this is a reason so many of us burnout. Give yourself a break when needed, or you will wake up one day and realise that you just don't love derby anymore... It's OK to miss a bout or two - if that means you will come back with new energy and feel like pushing your and your teams goals forward! 

If you can't skate you can ALWAYS be there for your team in so many ways!  

Being injured has really given me the feeling that I wanna skate again, that I love rollerderby, that I love coaching - that no matter what - I wanna be involved!

I know it sounds crazy to people that just started wit hderby that there are people that need and want a break from derby, but I don't love derby any less for needing a break, I just need it to keep on loving and being able to give my all. I love skating, I love coaching and I love everything that's around derby, but it's hard to always be in prime condition, rollerderby is a mental game, I barley eat during tournaments and bouting weekends, coaching or playing... So I need my off-season to eat well, go to the gym and not feel like I HAVE to be at rollerderby practice or I'll make my team disapointed. I wanna be the best I can be the time I am around my team. 

Swedish Champions - Stockholm Rollerderby

Mary, Amy, me, Becky and Kim holding onto the Cup!

GOLD GOLD GOLD!

Stockholm Rollerderby - you are my love... Swedish Rollerderby - we are amazing! All teams showed up and played well! There still is quite a difference in the skill-level of the teams, but not even close to what it was like only two years ago.

Stockholm Rollerderby took home the win in the finals, and I am very proud of the focus and spirit my team played with, it was a pleasure to bench-coach. It made it worth all those days I've taken my broken ass to practice to run practice!

Smiles and derby - it's fun! Kix got best blocker of the tournament and Loony got best jammer, both very well deserved! Oh, and Foxen from Västerås got tournamnet MVP.


AND WE GOT A BIG TROPHE CUP!

OH, OH... and the finals were streamed on Swedish Television!! YAY for rollerderby being recognized! 

SM in Rollerderby

Rollerderby - we are deeply in love, you are my longest relationship (ok, snowboarding lasted longer) but I have given you everything, and I am pleased. We are in this together, and sometimes you make me cry of frustration...

I remember when I returned to Europe 2,5 years ago - Sweden had five derby leauges, none of them had ever bouted with a full roster. So it's quite amazing that this weekend Sweden will have their first National Championships with eight teams! Sweden now has about 20 leauges and still growing, we are a recognized sport and in all of Europe rollerderby is growing.

I love you rollerderby! On or off saktes, you are always a joy... and a freaking PAIN!

Never let the sun go down on you

We are practicing in the country of the midnight sun. Summer in Stockholm and we are revving up for the Swedish Championships! It's quite EPIC! 

The fun with the unexpected

Life will always throw you a curveball -and you can't always hot homeruns... So being lost by trying to use some odd baseball analogy all I wanted to say was: fuck it and smile - it ain't that bad after all... There is a solution to everything... Threesome (ok I lost track again) nevermind

I got on skates - just a few minutes - did 30 laps - I feel accomplished. Little things that makes me happy - being able to rollerskate - you don't know how much you love it and will miss it when you just can't.

I ran late from work, jumped on the bike, got home grabbed my gear bag and ran to practice. At the bus with Becky I realised I had forgotten my whistle... Coaching without a whistle always make me wake up the next day sounding like Janis Joplin after a harsh night on the town... (That I would buy her)

Our practice is in a small little town outside Stockholm, and I figured the grocery store would be a better bet for whistles than the pharmacy... The girl working shook her head and said "nope, we have no whistles" and then me and Becky turned around to discover WHISTLES!! They might be used more for parties, but when in need... They were just PERFECT!!! 

Whistle - whistle....

Practice was superfun, I really love coaching a motivated and hardworking team! Few things come easy, and if they come to easy, you usually don't value it as much. 

One of my skaters broke her plate - about the third time this year, I guess R3's are only designed for so much fun... 

It's so crazy light outside now, 9pm and it's still bright outside! I love the summer in my country! This is what we all live for! Midsummerweekend,  I am gonna hang out with my bro/sis Becky Lawless. 

Midsummernightsun

There is so much to rollerderby...

Coming back from an injury is not easy - it's never easy to not being able to be on track and just wait and for your body to heal. I am one of those people for the very first time, this is the longest I've been off skates since I started rollerderby 5 years ago...

Potential Fresh Meat after theri first Foundational Skills exercise

It's hard, but I've at the same time had a gerat time continuing doing what I usually do, I still come to practice and run practice, and I am more relaxed coaching when I don't have to try to improve my own playing. I also have spent some quality time on how we are going to get new girls into the leauge. We are running some foundationals skill classes - a few sundays, so girls that are interested in rollerderby can come and test and see if this is acctually something that they want to do. It's open to anyone that have their own gear and you do not have to be a member... if you wanna know more about it... you can read about it HERE!

And then we are going to have try-outs, we will start a Fresh Meat program with girls that already know the basics of skating and derby, and have the motivation and have a hunch of what it means to be a derbygirl. I really like running foundational skill sessions... It's superfun to see all the girls that are interested in joining us working so hard, and looking really awesome!

So I am off skates, but everyone else are on, and that is completly fine with me! I have my bike - and we are really getting really close nowdays! Like REALLY! I try to bike about 20km per day, and it is fun, and I am gettting an odd tan and it's amazing!

Oh, and I am back in school, taking leadership and oragnization classes, I just had an exam in communication... It's quite AWESOME!

WFTDA Annual Meeting - exciting things

A few times that thought of not being involved on rollerderby has hit me - and I really conmsidered it, but then I always have to rethink it because I go on amazing journeys and rediscover the essence of why I started rollerderby from the get go.

PPL that work (non-payed) in the oragnization got a hat... so we could recognize them and say how  much we appreciate them (and also to ask them questions)

This year I had the opportunity to go to the WFTDA Annual Meeting that was held in Florida, Stockholm has just gotten our fullmembership and we were allowed to bring two reps, all leauges that are full members are welcome to join. And it was AMAZING to sit around and discuss the sport that we have built, the sport that we all love and try to draw up guidelines for what the future will entail.

Crime City Rollers representing by Muffa

WFTDA har grown out of a few leauges deciding it be good if they all played under the same ruleset; back in the day - like 10 years ago, there was no agreed upon ruleset, and teams would come together and decide  before the game what was legal and not legal. I mean, I started 6 years ago, and I can say, that was never the case for me, but I also know how the existance of WFTDA has hightened the level of gameplay, it has made us grow into organized, amazing, strong athletes, in a very revolutionary way.

It is very cool knowing that WFTDA is expanding internationally, that we have more and more European leauges joining, Australian, Asian - it's a worldwide revolution, of a sport that was founded and most people thought was a fad, traditional sportsfederations laughed at us and the newspapers thought we belonged in "nöjesidorna". The ruleset is getting translated and as a small step of that a few of us international skaters, translated the WFTDA missionstatement into our native language. I must say it almost made me cry to stand infront of hunderads of WFTDA reps and read out the missionstatement.

WFTDA is so much more than a platform for competative play, it's a forum for disscussion, for developing, for asking questions, to answer questions and to make your voice heard and your vote count!

We all walked around with little nametags, the sticker showed how many times you had attended, This was  my first year, so I had one! 

WFTDA Annual meeting was amazing - we sat indoors in sunny Florida  from 9am until 5 pm and shared opinions, thoughts, dissaponiments, views and visions. We shared what has worked for us, and what is not working, and then we had free drinks (true story, the hotel had an open bar for an hour) and kept on talking poolside. 

Only at WFTDACon you will end up in a cuddlepuddle with some of your favorite skaters!

I am back!! It is time!

Practice is done at sunset!

So I didn't feel like writing, and it's hard to force yourself to do something you don't wanna do, so I didn't... There are so many other things In life you gotta do that's sort of forced... And something you love doing, shouldn't be on that list...

I have spent the past six weeks off-skates since a scary sort of shark bit me during a bout... Worst pain ever! During the five years I've played rollerderby I have never been off skates more than barley three weeks... So this is a new experience! 

And to be honest - I LOVE rollerderby - and I do love the opportunity to be able to skate, but coaching and building a leauge and sport is also VERY important and fun!

I think we constantly need the reminder that this is OUR sport - and we are pushing it forward and we are all little important pieces in the awesomeness that rollerderby is.

You don't become an amazing athlete over a night - you work on it, you fall asleep visualising how amazing you and your teammates will do the next day, building rollerderby is just the same! We are all together building an amazing sport that makes me proud to be a part of, we surprise ourselves and the people that don't really understand us. We are former athletes, barstars, bartenders, mothers, sisters, brothers, hipsters, hippies, yuppies, homos, hetros, whatevers together we are all strong and together we can build something that matters, something slightly different, something that is competitive but that is not the only thing! Rollerderby is a sport - but to me it is and will always be so much more: it's what made me believe in myself and has taught me to be a teamplayer!

Hurt is Hurt

It sort of sucks...

Limping and being in pain 

The blog that stopped...

I don't know what happened, but I just don't feel like blogging anymore - there are so many things to tell, so many things to share... and still... I don't have the urge to go all out and tell you.

Maybe it's because this blog started about how I wanted to becoem a faster, harder and better derbyplayer, and I achived almost everythign I ever wanted. I am more fit now than I was when I started this blog, I have moved a continent away, I have had a terrible break-up, I have gotten a new amazing girlfriend, I have gotten a job, I have started to get new goals, I have started to plan for what might not be a completly derbyobsessed future.

I cna never deny how much derby has made me into the person I am today - how much I have worked to help European and foremost Scandinavian rollerderby grow... and I have grown with it, and it has been an amazign journey...

Touch down

I was in Berlin, I was in Stockholm and now I am soon in Tallinn... Work and derby really takes me places... Makes me superexcited and tired at the same time...

Next week I will be going skiing with Britta for a few days, and it will be great to be back on snow again, it's not very often...

Working 9 - 5 breaks me down even more than traveling, honestly office hours must be the most boring thing in the world
!

This weekend was Berlin vs. Stockholm

This time we won, but damn, it was a VERY hardfaught win... I am soooo tired and sore today!

I got a bike...

So that special lady I've been spending time with bikes everywhere... And one of the first times we met she told me I'm stupid because I have a car... Well, that my be truth with a little modification - nevermind. The point is that I haven't had a bike in Stockholm since 2009 when my trustworthy old bike got stolen... I've had a lot of bikes in my life - and lots of then tend to be stolen... So I guess I just haven't bothered to get a new one in Stockholm. It sort of has been on the agenda - but everything else has just gotten in the way... I've talked about it, but I just haven't gotten around to it...
The other day I made the decision: I'm getting a bike, so when I was at work Britta did some extensive research work for where to get the best bike in town... Conveniently it was just right by her house... So I hurried there after work and told them they were the best according to the Internet and I needed a bike... Since I had decided that I am gonna start commute on bike to work... No more subway!!
So the they found me a bike - I gotta ride it for a bit and I decided it was miiiiiine! So now I have an amaaaaazing bike... Britta approves!

I am a proud GYM-member

So I got a gym membership through my fantastic job, and we all know that I really like to work out, even if I am a really laaaazy girl... So I am now a member of SATS and now I've decided to really use those classes that they offer. Most of their classes are crazy popular and you have to book about a week in advance, and that is probably not really awesome for me, considering I'm quite an impulsive person.

I hate lifting weights by myself, and a personal trainer is currently not in my budget, so the next best would probably be the classes. So during the next few days I will tell you all about the classes I have attended...

So the first one I went to was called SATS Energy, it was supposed to be a high energy class with simple steps inspired by athletic movements...  
To be honest - I might be a very good rollerderby player, I still have NO clue how I can be, since my coordination is bad. People are known to compare me to a ragdoll... But simple and athletic movements sounded like someting that even a mildly aerobic challanged person like me could pass... WELL, if they by athletic inspired movements mean inspired by cheerleaders and gymnastics - I'll understand... I still did probably look very entertaining to everyone else... I really wanted to leave the class - but since I am such a trooper - I stayed around til the end... but SERIOUSLY - you will NEVER see me there again, jumping sideways while moving my arms out of sync... (everyone else were synced)

The second one I went to was Deadball, and you get a partner and then you spend 45 minutes throwing a 2,5 kg ball between you. The ball does not bounce... it's VERY dead! 
I had a great time, maybe because the random girl I got partnered with was one of the most positive people I've ever worked out with, it made me positive and we were both so supportive of each other that I almost started to think that we could compete in this, we were going pro.. but I don't think deadball is a competative sport... but I will return to this class, hoping that my new special friend will be there...

Stay tuned and I will let you know about, Box, Crosstraining, GRITPlyo, SATSCore and probably something else I have tried by then... now I am off to my dad to pick up a TV - since he apperently got a new one... so that mean i get his old as my new...

You may wonder what this picture has to do with the text... It's cookies and milk... I call it the best recovery meal EVER!