Dressing up... and looking good

I am very pleased with my body, the way it looks, of course I could get a little more muscular and bla bla bla... but sometimes you just have to be happy with what you have.
I have realized somethign the past years, I never buy any cool nor fancy clothes. All I spend money on are compressionpants and other rollerderby related workout clothes. Sometimes I feel like it's a waste, that I have the best body I have ever had, and I never dress up, I never show it off, I never really even end up in situations where anything but work-out pants and a top are considered the outfit of choice.

Maybe I should ask Rachel Rotten or Fisti Cuffs to give me a red lip-stick tutorial, to put on some kool heels  on and some avantgard dress that I found in some obscure Berlin shop. I feel like that would maybe improve my fun at times, to have a reason to dress up, to go on a date, to make myself look DRESSED up and not just ready to work out. I know, at work I dress proper, most of the time. I don't wanna dress proper, but wild and fierey...

Yeah, I guess there is nothing that stops me from doing that at any given day. I do feel I need a special occation for it... I mean, I couldn't even really fource myself to dress up in a dress at the QX Gay Gala... 

Magazine party pre-reading night... in QX style

Me, Gisela, Mire and new friend

Wednesday I went to the pre-read of the Swedish Gay and Lesbian magazine QX. It was my friend Giselas birthday, and since we are both superbusy it was nice to spend some time with her.
I also had the pleasure to see a whole bunch of the other girls from the TV-show Flator that I'm in. Well, it's airing this spring, and I guess it will mean I become gaymous or something...

Well, it was nice and chatty and free drinks, that I only had very few of, since I have the important Sweden vs. Finalnd game this weekend... oh and looking at the pictures I get very pleased with my haircut (yeah, I know, I am shallow)

My friend Gisela is currently the vice-chair of the Swedish Youth LGBT organization, and i have so much respect for what she's doing. I really often think that I should and could do more. I guess being as involved as I am in rollerderby that is such a female empowering sport and very open to LGBT people is a step, but well, I don't think I'd have time for much more... sometimes it might be the thought that counts...

I'm getting shown  pictures. Matilda (the blonde) is also in Flator

When you stand in a middle of a wedding...

...you realize what you want, that you need to follow your heart - because otherwise nothign will ever be true! You can't live the life that everyone else told you that you should, only you can chose your own path, and your own sucess and your own lifepartner. Thanks Rotation and Shevil for getting marries so I could have a life-revelation...

I just recently have understood how hard it was for me to come out, not to my friends and family, but to myself. I am that person, that just had a hard time to accept myself, I always knew I was different, I just didn't want to be different, and the harder I fought aginst it the more obvious it became to the rest of the world.. It was just right there and then when two dear friends that got married, that I understood, that why do I doubt things so much, why do I question myself, when I know how I feel really deep down, why do I date when I feel nothing? I can't be with someone just not to feel alone, because that just isn't me. I realized how I had to buckle up and follow my heart, even if it was beyond complicated. You gotta live and love!

I want to be swept off my feet, I want to be told that I am adorable and amazing, I want to be inspired to climb mountains, to write fairytales, to sleep under starry skies. I want to share my anxiety and my joy, and I want my heart to sing everytime I hear her voice. I want our eyes to burn and tickle each others skin.  That is what i want to feel, so I went for it, right or wrong, only time can tell.

This post says absolutley nothing and everything - but for me it's all so clear now. Go, and go in peace with yourself, you can lie for the rest of the world, but don't lie to yourself just because it's easier. I am proud of being me! You can't take the easy way out, becase it will be the harder way in the longrun.

Oh and by the way me, Loony, Kix and Kim are representing Stockholm Rollerderby in the last issue of QX. QX is a free gay magazine here in Sweden... it's sort of really cool! I think it's cool at least...

Looking good in the neighbourhood...