Oct 14, 2015

Ups and downs in life

Sometimes life feels really unfair, I just had a lot of things falling in place the last year. I felt stronger and more confident. I did a lot of soulsearching and found what I wanted to do. I applied for a masters degre and got accepted. I was figuring things out with the person my heart had been cirkeling around for a long time and I was feeling like I was at a really good spot in rollerderby.

I went home to Sweden and applied for my student visa, since I have a BA from a University in US,  a masters from a US University makes more sense. And I got a NO.

I seriously felt like I was going to throw up, my entire lifeplan sort of got turned over and I called my best friend and cried. I wanted this education really bad, and I wanted to end the season with the team that I had worked really hard with all season. It was heartbreaking in all sorts of ways. I miss my friends and I miss the freedom of doing what I wantto do, the freedom of follow my own heart and choices.

I am figuring things out, and of course I know that it's a first world problem. I am not starving and I have a job. I signed up for classes in Stockholm and been walking in the woods and loving the nature. I have been working out lot's and I am probably more fit than I've ever been. I have even started to run... and that my friends, is crazytalk in my world.

At Good To Go with Loony, Dominå, Calla and Smashed

I have amazing friends here and I have no right to complain, still, it is not a great spot to be in. This is not what I wanted, this is not what I planned for. I broke down the weekend Gotham played at playoffs, I wanted to be there so bad. I miss the team so much! I am also really sad I am missing ManChamps this weekend with Shock. I would have loved to be on the bench supporting my guys!

Things just don't work out the way you expect them to all the time, and I guess you can only do your best. Smile when you cry on the inside and pick up another book on the subject you want to study. In the end it is only you who limit yourself, your thoughts on what you can do... but also... I can't manipulate the thoughts of immigration... so my limits acctually are there...

The best part has been all the nature... Fresh air and woods... 

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