Seriously... this is between you and me life

Finally it snowed, the rain trumming on my office window in combination of darkness was about to kill me. Now there is a blanket of soft snow outside, and for once my office is not underheated... well, well...  Easily satisfied... soon it's December... and I have bought half of the Christmas gifts for friends and family!
Still, there are those thoughts that have wings - that sweep around in my head - taking me places I am not sure I want to go.

LIFE this is between you and me! LIFE you like to screw me over, so I don't really know what to expect from the future, I have to start making new goals. Life the past months has been all about the Berlin tournament, all my practice all my work-outs have been with one goal, to place top three in Berlin, for me and my team.
When people have asked me to get a grip, to follow up on serious things, to engage in something that took time away from derby I have just answered "after Berlin" it almost became a mantra... "after Berlin, after Berlin, after Berlin, after Berlin"

AND NOW WHAT?

I was thinking about maybe it's time to retire, maybe it is time to do something else, something that is not rollerderby, but I honestly don't think I want to. Rollerderby has dug its claws real deep into me, and we have been together for five years now. Since I came home from Berlin I've been supersick and still mangaed to make a survey for the leauges skater what their goals and ambitions are for next season, my mind is already making plans for the upcoming season... yeah... and I was supposed to go on a derby break..

 I was thinking that maybe I would joint LARD (life after roller derby) but SERIOUSLY LIFE, what am I supposed to do? Do I really wanna have time to go on dates? Do I really wanna have time to paint, write and cook? Do I really wanna start playing another sport without the underlaying goal to be a better derby player? Am I prepared to miss a bout or even a practice because I am going on a skiitrip? Do I want more time for my family? Do I need more time for non-derby friends? Do I even have more than one non-derby friend? And do I really wanna spend more time at work?

Rollerderby is a mistress that needs lots and lots of attention, rollerderby is my lover that I do get annoyed with but that usually treats me real well, even when I have my worst days! I want to get better, I want to hit harder, I want to figure out the loopholes of the new rules, I want to even maybe start jamming again, just because I can, or maybe not. I don't know... I am sooo confused... LIFE, stop dealing me all those cards I don't even know how to play!

 I just know how to play derby really well...

Me and Master clashing/hugging photo by Marko Niemlä

Bench coaching is fun

So this weekend out B-team played a double header. Me and Only were supposed to bench, but the flu caught her and Loony had to jump in and fill her spot! And as you know - you gotta dress to the occasion and so we did.. I was a little hard since I for sure was not recovered from the 3 days of confinement to bed in high fever... I do not recommend to bench two bouts in a row after a really horrid case of teh flu... but with some painkillers and a "spexig" outfit - I just had to keep on going... adn because I think our B-team needed us.
Our B-team is so amazing and we did our best under the circumstances... Makes me real proud of Swedish rollerderby! Both Gothenburg and the team that mostly was made up by Västerås did great. I love teh fact that slowly we aer growing this awesome sport, and I must say, I love the dressing up as a bench manager, even if I barley wear make-up skating anymore.
The STRD vs. GBG bout ended up to be a real nailbiter - it came down to the last jam as so many other bouts I've watched lately... yikes... but it was a well played bout both for our BSTRDs and by GBG.
I was also really impressed by Västerås and friends who played a 40 min bout against out B-team, they really held thir own...

Oh and the theme of the bout was November Pain....

Lonni as Axl Rose and me as the ''blond dude in the band''

Just sick in the dark cold rain

Watching True Blood - I am coughing so hard I can't sleep. It's totally dark outside and it has been dark since 15.00 today... An it rains, cold big raindrops that just hammer into the ground...

You loose some, you win some

To be honest, I am so happy after Track Queens, what a show of European Derby - everyone Europe is playing rollerderby and we all worked really hard to make it happen! So amazing and stellar! I love it! I love it!

I'm finally feelin better, I got out of bed to take a shower and change my sheets, seriously, it made me EXHAUSTED! Damn, damn, damn... But I had my first cup of coffee in Four days... That felt great! Ahhhwwww...

Oh, and my tooth fell out when I was in Estonia on Tueaday, it's a fake tooth, and I didn't swallow it... I think some trauma to my face might have helped it a little in its journey out of my pearly whites... But hopefully it's just to attach it again... I just have not been able to make it to the dentist since I've been busy nourishing my flu that someone also gave me on Berlin... Well :-)

Now I'm gonna enjoy some LAD (life after derby) until derby strikes again... probably tomorrow when out B-team is playing....

The post tournament flu

I am seriously sick - may I say I hate being sick? I have not been able to get out of bed all day, I sweat like a pig and all my limbs are hurting and burning... It is nice to think about that we got third in the tournament! Yay!

We got medals! All I wanted was medals, for now.... Next time trophy... Everyone played so well this weekend!

And now I'm stuck I'm bed to sick to even do something productive on my computer. I just lay, lay and as mentioned above sweat in pain... I promise - it's not very attractive and you should be happy you are not around for this!

I am not surprised at all that I'm sick, it's been such an intense goal to place top three in Berlin, I really have put parts of my life on the back burner - and now I sort of feel like: and now what!? Now what? I know I said I'd go on a derby break - but I don't know if I know how to do that...

Damn, I got sick yesterday while on a business trip to Estonia, I was freezing the entire time, and when I finally got back to Sweden I was so tired and sick I couldn't even make it up into my bed, I just layed on the floor and cried for a bit while feeling lonely, sick and shitty...

In Estonia they tried to cure my flu with Jägertee

My mom served me icecream

The stable in Estonia

3rd in the first WFTDA European tournament... 

Back home from Berlin

Three bouts later and Stockholm Rollerderby came out third - we got medals! I didnt know i am so obsessed with medals - but apperently I am!

I could not be any more proud of my team and myself. We pulled it together and just went out and played rollerderby as a team. I love my team! WELLDONE!

And now, only seven hours after getting of the flight from Berlin, I'm on the way back to the airport to get on a flight to Tallinn, Estonia. Going on an over the day work trip... I'm usually really excited about those trips - today - not so much... Not at all...

And SERIOULY I've washed my hair TWO times since the Sunday afterparty and it still smell like smoke! What is it with Germans and having to smoke inside? It sucks, we had skaters that couldn't come to the afterparty because they are asthmatic - it sucks not vein able to celebrate with the entire team!

Oh and we made it into the Swedish Daily News SPORTS pages!

Rollerderby I love you

Hard work - new opportunities - new bouts and it all pays off!
My team impresses me everyday, you guys are so amazing - you push and push and play well!

I heart my team - and I am happy and truly impressed by every team at the tournament here in Berlin!

There been lots of great derby played!

I must say that the surprise of the weekend is Gent - good on them!

Go derby, go!!

When Gent was getting too close to Berlin

Life changes - and it's not that bad

Life is full of ups and downs - and 2012 was a down, down, down... Of course there ha been highlights and fun times, but I have had a struggle. I was burned out, I didn't stop and I possibly still have not stopped.

Friends, you are amazing - thanks for all the times you been there for me, and sorry for being such a mess.

 I will be there for you when you fall - just call! Thank you to all of you, you know who you are, you made me believe that trust and friendship is worth it!

Dinner at the derby collective with Kix, Becky and Madde

Suprise! We also got cheeeeze.. .adn some pears for Becky...

Last night was amazing, so unplanned and just great. We had dinner, and talked, ate some more, chatted, massaged each other, talked, and most important of all, we laughed and I felt alive, I felt at home.

Yesterday...

Went for a long walk in the dark and then home to make vegan cinnamon buns with Becky... Ended the night by sleeping with my trustworthy panda, who always loves to be spooned by me... Yeah...
Life is gooood... Beer is gooood and people are crazy....

Baking in a dress... hm... I'm content

Becky testing the vegan buns wearing her Christmas sweater

Stockholm by night

I have had panda since I was 9, we are close friends

Quality time with a friend

Cooking, doing nothing, sauna, drinking a few, talking and silence... Life is good!

Sauna and then standing outdoors... life is good

A beer with a bear with horns... maybe it should be drank in a bar...

Half butter, half potatoes... Janica making the best mashed potatoes ever...

Friend dates are sometimes the best dates ever... 

After work me and Janica met up and drove out to my mothers house, there is a souna there and a huge kitchen. We brought some beer, wine and lots of food... We ate the good, drank the drinks, heated up the sauna and chatted the night away. Sometimes it's good to just get away and spend sometime with a good friend.

Rollerderby its so much more than a sport to me

Today I watched Gotham win the Hydra, they deserved it, I know they worked really hard for it, but so did all those other teams. Rollerderby - oh - what a great championships it have been to watch, it is sad it's over, but it's probably for the best... I don't think I could handle any more excitement!

Rollerderby is more than a sport to me, it has a big chunk of my heart,... I get up some mornings because I know I get to skate in the end. I get up in teh mornings and go to the gym because I know it will make me a better athlete and athlete that will skate well with her team and commit fewer penalties because I am not tired.

I believe in rollerderby, the team play, the off-skate, the strategy, the love and the sometimes hate. I could be without some of the drama, so I don't create it, I try to run stairs instead...
Lets work hard and together - leave it on the track - because we have probably all given up something to be where we are today! We are friends that skate on other teams, treat each other with respect, we have all put this work into becoming so much better, give each other credit and remember the hard work that lays behind. We might not be friends on the track, but respect... respect... and more respect...

 Rollerderby let's always stay friends!!

WFTDA Champions watching...

Waiting for Gotham vs. Denver - Becky, Kim and Kix taking a nap...

During Oly vs. Minnesota

Me and Becky - we are broh's

Vegan venison stew... Becky, Dingus, Amy, Red and Kim

If you one day wanna play like the best, then you gotta watch and learn... so we spent all of the Saturday watching Championships... and it was great... Well, first me and Becky went running intervals, and then we went and watched the Royals bout...

Working out with Becky - Saturday morning

 

 

 

Becky trying the outdoor gym

Me trying the outdoor gym

Royals playing intraleague bout

With the charming names as Brassknuckle Harlots and Cougar Sluts the two Royals teams lined up and played a full-length game...
I went with a few Stockholm Rollerdeby girls to watch, there are some really talented girls in Royals that made quite an impression on me. And I try to support all derby there is to be played, even if I don't agree with all of their policies, I do still think that they are doing their best. Royals have said that they don't believe in passing minimum skills to play intraleauge, and in my world that is not a way of creating safe and competitive derby. By now we all know how I feel about minimum skills... and why I think minimums skillis is so important.
It was obvious that some girls were really new and a little unclear on the rules, but aren't we all just new in the beginning...
Two girls that stod out was Fanilla Slice who seemed to jam every second jam for The Harlots, even if she did spend lots of time in the penalty box and her skating style was very rookie, still she seemed to have the drive and I also think that Bang Vogage (think that was her name) was having quite a good game. In the game I missed strategy and positional blocking, and a few times the teams weren't even aware that the jam had started.  I noticed lot's of raw talent... so there is lots of room for improvement.
I think the most disturbning part was when the announcer or at least the person on the speaker said 'It's so exciting to see that all those girls are here for us, and maybe a little for themselves, but mostly for us, and that they are wearing those outfits... and he was talking about the players... I mean don't we all just play rollerderby because it's the most awesome and kick ass game ever, not to show off for an audience... maybe it's just me being sensative or something, but really?

And then home to the derby collective to watch WFTDA championships... Freaking EXCITING!!

That girl Vanilla Slice, in the corsette, did quite well...

Waiting for the bout to start...

Poledancing - its hard!

So I think we are going UP UP UP...

I was upside down... NO HANDS!

It does build upperbody strenght... 

Once upon a time, a long time ago I had a friend that was a stripper in Portland, she suggested that I should use my one year working visa, working as a stripper with her in Portland. And to be honest, I did give it a thought, just for a few minutes, but then I realized that it would not lead to somethign good...  or maybe it would have, considering that this whole poledancing thing is HARD!

ON of our freshies works as a poledancing instructor, and she offered Stockholm Rollerderby a free class during this week.. .and who would I be to turn down such an opportunity... So I think we were about 14 girls that turned up to learn how to twirl, hang upside down, do handstands against it and most of all walk sexy around the pole... sexy with confidence... I had a really good time, considering that my day had started out really shitty, it ended really well, laughing with friends and trying new skills... damn I think I need to practice ALOT before I even look half as cool as Alpha...