Merry Christmas

Christmas has been amazing, it's not the holiday itself nor the presents that makes it my favourite holiday, it is the family and friends that I feel like they are family. That this is the time a year when we take the time to actually spend that time together and eat lots of food. Food is great and spending time is too... 

It is real awesome to have my girl around, someone that makes my heart skip a beat but also is so darn handy and also puts a fire under my ass to get things in my apartment done! 

I hope everyone out there have enjoyed an amazing Christmas with their loved ones, because I have no reasons to complajn!

Last practice of 2013

Amazones and an anklebiter....

Last practice of 2013 was awesome and so much fun! We had Scald Eagle guestcoaching us, and it was all back to basics, and as we all know, basics is what gives us things to build on. Eagle did an mazing job, and I think each and every person felt like they got somethign new to work on for 2014. I think we are trying to bring in some more guest coaches during 2014, it is truly inspiering and there are always little bits and pieces to build on to become a better skater, team and leauge. Building together... and forward...

After practice most of us wen to the local pizza place for some Secret Santa and (suprisingly) PIZZA. It was soo much fun. Our sweet BSTRDs had gotten Allstars a YOODDELING Flamingo for us to bring as a mascot to Florida. Like SERIOUSLY! It made me laught SO hard for the longest time. I left the dinner holding hands with my lady feeling like rollerderby is truly amazing and soem of the most amazing people I know are friends that I've made through rollerderby.

Food is an issue and the best thing I know!

I am an athlete - I work out five times per week, and I expect my body to really step up an perform at every bout I play. I treat my body to nutrition and rest. I believe in myself and in my body to perform and be all it can be, with as much help from me as possible - me and my body coexist as that one being we are.

This might all sound strange to you, clearly the body and mind of the same being are one, but that used to not be true for me, and I think that is the same for many with me. I used to look at my body as something that needed to be controlled, something that limited me from who I really could be. Instead of listening to my needs and what my body craved I would decide it, because I could, because I wanted and needed that feeling of control. I still believe in pushing myself and my body, but in a healthy way, in a way I know I will perform better and will put a smile on my face.

I have never been obese, but for many years I felt like my body was disproportional, that my legs and ass didn't match up with my small breast and slender upper body. I always gain my weight on my thighs and ass... And an explosive sport such as snowboarding really made my legs HUGE in my late teens/early 20's. I hated my legs, and I was on constant diets and dreamed about getting a set of silicon boobs to even out the pear shape and make me more desirable. Or to be honest I was more or less dreaming of my legs to slim down, I wanted a boyfigure, I've always been more of a Twiggy fan, not so much Marilyn Monroe. My life wasn't made easier by friends commenting on my small chest, and I even had a friend who did have a boobjob before I met her tell me "Well, my orignal boobs were at least larger than yours". To clarify to everyone - NOW I do find my boobs very awesome as they are!

But when it came down to it all: It wasn't so much about being thin or having the perfect body, it was more about the control, the feeling of lightness and satisfaction when I completely had not eaten, when the world was the most confusing, I at least knew that I could control myself. It was about striving for a perfection that I could never reach, but still strive for. I remember myself as young as 13 living of only juice for weeks, juice and water, having to leave class every 30 minutes to pee, you have to drink a crazy amount of water to stave the hunger feelings. And even if it wasn't about being thin, it still was satisfying to hear "you look so skinny, you look so good" compliments, compliments.... And we still do that, compliment each other on the looks, and it's almost always about the extra kilos that have been shed.. Compliments with our own and all other girls weights in focus, we judge ourselves and each other, we get judged by strangers on a dayly basis. We just are expected to always be so darn perfect looking, so amazingly skinny, just naturally.

My relationship to food is still complicated, but more relaxed, I eat what I want, I avoid to overeat but also to undeat, I go to the gym and derby practice and I am very proud of when my muscles show and my body is looking good. I do still sometimes fall back in old patterns of not eating, and I have to look myself in the mirror and tell myself : "denying yourself food will never make you happier, just weaker and a little crazy" 

I know myself, and I dont ever want to be on a diet or any diet restriction, I know how fast I fall into letting my entire life revolve about food. I love cooking and eating, and I want to eat without any hesitations! I become a grumpy bitch if I don't eat! A skinny grumpy old bitch....

Eating is key... for a happy life! 

Damn I am hungry RIGHT now! 

Things I want for Christmas...

So we don't really buy each other Christmas presents in my family anymore, I still wanna make a litte list of things that I want for Christmas. Well, maybe it's not only for Christmas but for life in general... and I haven't written down all the derbythings I want - that is my next blog... now it's all about those random THINGS I have a need for in this materialistic world... well, need or need... those are things that be nice to have, but I be completly amaing without them... (I probably will end up getting them for myself anyway)

1. A COUCH
So when me an Loony moved in together a looong time ago, we were going to buy a couch, so I let Jazz have my couch. And then we just never got into enough money to buy a couch, so for a while we used a bed instead of a couch and then Amy bought the bed of me, we used an airmatress, and then we broke up and I was couchless... It happens, luckily Becky was moving and I could have her couch. So I have a red velvet couch that is too short to be sleeping on, it's awesome, but I need a couch that can be turned into a fold-out couch, so people can sleep when they spend the night in my new fancy apartment.

2. ORCHIDS
I like them, I want them, I like having them in my home and they look fancy and delicate at the same time. I just wanna have orchids, don't think it needs too much explenation, I will probably kill them slowly, but I will enjoy them when they are alive... best thing is that they don't need so much water and they are prettier than a cactus.

3. A JUICER
Wouldn't it just be AMAZING to have a juicer, I would juice everything. I love juice, and I drink carrot, apple and more carrot juice everyday. It be great to be able to make my own juice, I know that cleaning it up will be everything but great, but the thought of my own juicer just seem more and more appealing, each day that passes.

4. BALCONY FURNITURE
Yes, my new apartment has a balcony, and it needs some furniture, and this summer it will also get sunflowers adn tomatoes. But most of all I need a little bench, a chair and a table. This balcony is going to be the haven of this coming summer. When home, I will sit on the balcony, sip a fancy beer and dream about being exactly where I am!

5. ICESKATES
Since my lovley ex decided to hold onto my iceskates (and that is odd considering she doesnt have the same shoesize at all as me) I am in need of new iceskates, since the ice is laid down allover Stockholm and my feet are itching for some fun time on ice. I can tell you that I am a terrible iceskater, but it is fun, and I like fun. Rollerderby has turned me into a better iceskater, and I thank my quads very much for that. Since I have no iceskates, I need new one to have a fun winter... even if the darn snow still have not decided to fall over Stockholm... all I can say is... BUT WHYYYYY....

6. A COFFEEGRINDER
Everyone that knows me knows me, knows that besides derby I have one other obsession (well, except good beer, but saying that makes me sound like an alcoholic) and that other obsession is coffee. I really LOVE coffe, it's amazing, dark, full and jumps into my mouth just like it should be. I have a few devices to make coffe in, my favorite is my Bialetti Moka maker that I just put my esperesso into, but I do like my coffepress too. BUT I don't have a coffegrinder, so I want a coffegrinder, it spells so good, the coffe taste so good, and they are an awesome way of waking a beutiful sleeping lady up... by the sound of a coffee grinder!

There is probably hella lot of other things that I want and have a weird feeling that I need, and then I will write about them later. For now... this is it... and as I said... this is my MATERIALISTIC list... there are thousand of things like peace, friends to be happy ect ect ect that I want even more... 

Vagine Regime Nordic in Helsinki

I had such a great weekend playing with friends against Kallio Rolling Rainbow this weekend. Pick-up teams are fun when everyone are great skaters and you just all of a sudden start to play so well with each other.
I really had a SUPERFUN weekend, and I was excited to see Only and get to hang out with her and catch up...

This bout was a charity promoting Equal Marrige Rights in Fnalnd, and it was announced by Miss Gay Finland, two things that are really cool! This really turned out to be one of hte best weekend in a long time, of course I love playing with Stockholm, it's my home leauge and we have longterm goals and strive to climb into Division two and up... With Vagine Regime Nordic it was about gettign to skate with other fellow amazing skating queers and just have fun! It was of course extra fun to win, but it was not the main point.

Bout really was fun and superphysical and we ended up only being 10 ppl on the roster, due to some injuries and last minute cancellations. Everyone seemed to ahve sooo much fun, and everyone just played so well! We sold all the merch we had printed and enjoyed an afterparty with Samiakki, longdrinks, lipsyncing trannies and great company!

Oh, I was awarded Best Blocker, Loony got best Jammer and Chaos got MVP - so I guess the Stockholm Queers really represented... but everyone did amazing, Sabo did some amazing offence while Martattack probably are one of the best positional blockers in Europe, her footwork is sooo amazing, I want it! It was also superfun to get to share some tracktime with Becky, since we usually never play in the same line. Oh and I had ONE penalty the entire game, not as good as when I played Paris last weekend when I only NO penaltys... but one is good and MUCH better than lots of bouts I have played. Penatlys are BAD, and I wanna be a good girrrrl...


We totally will get the Queers together again if anyone wanna play us again! Thank you so much Kallio for inviting us, it was a freaking BLAST!

AND it's just two more days until my girlfriend will be in Stockholm... I am sooo excited and a tiny bit nervous! Like damn, meeting my family and celebrating Christmas together!

Vagine Regime Nordic has merch

Tallinn and Helsinki weekend

This was a BUMPY ride

This morning I will be in Tallinn with work, the company I work with has a huge development project almost in the centre of Tallinn, Estonia. I come along for board and planning meetings every two-three months. 

I really like Tallinn, it's a really beutiful city and old city with lots of history, and I think someone should start rollerderby there. I know rollerderby has started in Riga, but still nothing in Tallinn. If anyone know someone interested starting something in Tallinn, please let me know, I'd love to help in anyway I could.

Tonight after my meetings I will take my business casual dressed self and get on a ferry to go to Helsinki. Vagine Regime Nordic is playing against Kallio Rolling Rainbows tomorrow. Only is gonna come pick me up from the ferry and we are gonna have some nice non-alcoholic beer time in the sauna! Damn, I miss having her on my team, she was supposed to play with us tomorrow, but due to an injury she will not be able too.  We have printed some VR Nordic merch for the first time, and we have already sold some of it online and the rest will be for sale at the bout. We have also gotten our own VR Nordic logo that looks really cool and I'm happy we finally got one.

Ok, back to looking important in my blazer... 

The gayness of rollerderby

Rollerderby is so gay, well - it is a very happy sport, and it's completly OK to be whoever you happen to be, as long as you are respectful towards everyonelse. I have never felt as confident about myself as I am in teh derbyworld, and I never have to hide the fact that I prefer women over men. I don't mind men, I just don't like to date them...

It be wrong to say that I always been gay, I really have not, always known I was gay, I've had my fair share of men, and it really took me quite a while to come out to myself, to be confident enough in my feelings to be able to look myself in the mirror and say: "HEy Girl Hey, I'm gay!" Rollerderby have been a great environment to be out and proud, it feels safe and maybe sometimes my friends doubt my choices of dating, but it's not because of the gender of the person, but rahter the person I'm dating.

When I skated in US, I quickly ran into Vagine Regime, I saw Team Vagine skate my first year at RollerCon (that be 2008) and the next year I was asked to join the ranks and had the honor to be a part of Team Vagine and got to skate with some of the coolest and most fun queer derbygirls of US. Bringin back love and queerness to Scandinavia Vagine Regime Nordic got started back in 2010, not much action but it is slowly picking up and now we have a Vagine Regime Nordic bout against Kallio Rolling Rainbows this upcomming Saturday. It will be fun to be back in Helsinki and get to hang out with my friend Only.

There are many girls that thook their first queer steps during their time in rollerderby, and it is not that rollerderby turns anyone gay. You don't turn gay, you just realise that you are fine with being in love with someone of your own sex. In the rollerderby community you will not be judged for your choice of partner, and the supportsystem is huge. Rollerderby is not a datingservice, even if there are quite a few women that meet each other on the track, but that is not why we play rollerderby.

Rollerderby and the inclusioness is so different from what I felt like when I was competing in snowboarding, I loved the sport snowboarding, and I still love dragging the board to the mountain during the winter. I just could never get used to the world of dudes and utter sexism that existed. I always felt like I was wrong and that I was never good enough, rollerderby is of course not always amazing, I have days I feel like crying... but for most times it's a warm and welcoming feeling to meet another derbygirl, to step on a strange floor, to play a teamsport where I can just be myself... 

Playing Paris again...

I was waiting for snow - and I got snow and I got to bout against Paris...

Last time I played Paris was when I was living in Malmö and played with Crime City Rollers - it was CCR's first away bout... adn to Paris we went screaming JE MA PELLE GUMMIBEAR (don't ask and I don't have to tell you)

My day started with me waking up really early to watch a streamed game from Portland with GnR (Rose City hometeam that Eagle plays on) playing  Sockit Wenches (my old Rat City hometeam) and that was fun and then I could fall asleep for a two more hours before I had to get up and bring the Parisian girl I was staying with to our venue. Since it was a Sunday bout we started much earlier than we usually do.

So we were clearly ranked over Paris, but Stockholm is a team that never takes anything for guranteed, because everytime we do, we end up playing like shit (true story)... So we played our best and Paris played well, they are really good skaters, but we really pleayed tight and managed to send their jammer to the box quite a few times...

I played a COMPLETLY penaltyfree bout... I am VERY proud of thar, I been working hard on being penalty free and lots of times my penalties are because I try to do too much instead of trusting my teamates of being where I can't be. I was told that me and Ryssen had some beutiful watterfalling on some poor Parisian jammer and that we all looked really strong together on track.

I could not be anymore proud of my team, everyone has stepped up to the plate, we all work well together and I feel really secure stepping on track with my team. I know that the days I'm not playing my best, everyone else are, and that what makes my team so amazing and strong, everyone are fighters and we lift each other up. It's hard work to captain, but it's also the best feeling to have a team that is as awesome and hardworking as Stockholm, coming to practice late Friday nights and working their asses off with smiles and eyes set of greatness... 

Final results....

Team Sweden tryouts are DONE

It is AMAZING to see how far Swedish rollerderby has come, the understanding of gameplay, the skills, the hits, the walls, the smiles and the motivation. I love being a part of this!

I love love love being a part of this, it is FANTASTIC to see how much better everyone get and how much everyone are pushing themselves!

It is very rewarding and awesome to be a coach, and at the same time I sometimes just wanna skate... looking at everyone having so much fun, while I have  to evaluate and think about everyones elses performance, it leaves leaves very little time for just skating for myslef. Rollerderby is fun, but we are turning into a more serious sport, we have to make decisions and everyone that wants to play just can't play at all times.

So many derbyplayers are dear to me, my best friends and people I both enjoy skating with and to spend my non-derby time with but rostars are made and teams are going to be formed, looking past friendship has to be done. You don't have to LOVE the person you skate with, I usually do, but to be crass, the person that you play best with, is usually not your best friend, but people you trust on the track.

Selections are never easy, we had about 60 girls sign up for try - outs, we invited 40 to try-outs and now we have to cut that group down to a group of about 25 girls that will practice together until later when we will make the selection of the people that will go to Dallas.

The people!