Good Bye 2012

2012 was one of the worst years in à long time.
I was burnt out before 2012 even began and then it just didn't get any better.
I am not gonna lie and say that it was an entirely terrible year, there were some great times, in roller derby terms probably one of my best, personal life probably one of the worst.
RollerCon was awesome, playing Team USA was great, getting third in Track Queens was amazing... I had great times traveling and seeing old friends and making new friends.
But this year has truly been a rollarcoaster, and I do really love rollarcoasters - but I prefer them in the amusement park over being my entire life.

I will make a month by month recap tomorrow - when I'm hiding from the sun here in Brazil. It truly is beating down furiously. In some way it feels very true and appropriate to start 2013 here, so far away from everything, it's a clean slate, it's a new beginning and I think I'm quite ready for it!

In Natal, Brazil

This has nothing to do with Rollerderby - it has to do with vacation! I have a great time with family, with sun, long walks on the beach and lots of food and more food... And of course some drinks...

On my way to Brazil

So I'm going to Brazil on vacation with my dad, stepmom, her parents and my two younger sisters... It will be a blast - we spent the night in Lisabon on our way... And my step grannies managed to lose their boarding cards for tonight's flight... Yeah... Minor panick that got fixed...

I managed to get away this morning to go for a walk around the hotel we spent the night at, it's quite a nice city. I totally wanna come back and see more of Portugal. I've taken a decision that 2013 is going to be a year of less derby and more life outside derby.

There are some major changes in my life, and I started to enjoy it... Very much, change is always hard but it's necessary. Coming to terms with who I am and that I love my friends and family and the past two weeks have really been special... And I've gotten some ral good pointers towards the future...

Last practice of 2012

First one hour of advanced practice and then mixed leauge. Mixed is also for the girls that have not passed minimum skills yet... I really, really, will miss derby those three weeks that I will not be skating... But on the fun side, I will be in Brazil and thinking about other things but skating!

warming up we even practiced some figureskating moves, i am terrible and Loony looks just as gracile as always!

Fluke is happy to be our reff

Loony loves the last practice of the year

I look silly as always

Siiinging and becoming a My Little Pony

So I have a great friend, his name is Andreas (Fluke), he can sing, I also have a great friend called Janica (Only), and she can REALLY sing, and so can Firebird and Linda too... and I can't... People really think I am kidding when I say I can't sing! But I am not! I really cannot sing, I am a complete disaster, but that doesn't mean I do not sing, I still sing. I think taht people were wishing I spared them from my amazing non-tradional versions of songs I used to love when I was younger...I have been butchering any song you love since karoke came my way...

So we got together and sang SingStar at Andreas place, well, they sang and I mumbled into the microphone, and then acted as the announcer in between songs. It was delightful... If you ever seen "My best friends wedding" I am just a tad WORSE than Cameron Diaz is in that movie... and this is not me trying to make anyone say "noooo, you are great" because I am very VERY aware that sining is NOT my talent... My friend Husse loves to point out how bad I am, just ask her! She will tell you!

I love how I just spent an entire blog talking about how bad I am at sining, but I really am! I am very ok with it, and I had a FANTASTIC night, and as soon as Andreas get som more Johnny Cash songs on Singstar - I will kick all of your asses (or not)

Oh, and before that I went and had Lady Lovely Blocks (Anna) at Extend cut my hair and put some lovley extenstions in my hair... I feel like a My Little Pony... there is something about this time of the year, I easily feel down, like I am falling head first into a very dark hole. So I figured that some pastel hair extensions could make me smile... I am smiling... so I guess it sort of worked. I AM NOW AN UNICORN!

I even got away with it at work... yay... I am an accounting Unicorn

I am a sexitary and Only is only her...

And tehn it was time for VERY competative duettes! 

Working out makes me happy!

There is no way around it, I just have to accept it. I have to work out to feel happy, I've been sick and off the grid for a bit, and BAaAAaM all that unattractive self-loathing starts showing. If I work out I sleep better and I feel better, I even eat better.
I just got back home from the gym and am about to head out for work...

I felt a little bad for my PT today, three weeks of not being able to work out - and coming back is never fun. I was WHINEY... "Uhhh, that is too heavy, UHHHh... that is too many" I don't think he was very impressed with me, but at least I feel better now.. Oh, goddammit, I never wanna be sick again and have to skip several weeks of working out, it just is NOT fun. On the other hand, I literally get depressed and can't fall asleep if I don't work out... so poor body, it's you or the brain... and brain is juuuust a liiiitle bit more precious...

Sunday was the first scrimmage since the Berlin tournament, and I got a charlie horse and twisted my finger... oh, the joy of roller derby. Oh, life... Oh life and the hard work my body longs for!

Still sort of dark out when I am returning from the gym to go to work

Digging the car out after a week

Yeah - it's out! Yay! I can now see my car!

Making a plan of 2013

So - I think that there will be lots of morning workouts - I have this urge to do so.

So it is...

Time to make decisions, time to move forward, time to figure out what I want. It's hard when there is so much I want and only limited time!

Spent the day with Becky, Kix and Kim watching lesbian movies and eating - now off to scrimmage with new rules...

Drinking coffee with Kristina and Becky 

There is snow and cold outside... I love it! 

Things I love

- rollerderby
- spreadsheets
- planning projects
- working out
- my family
- snow
- good food
- good beer
- being silly
- my friends
- laughing
- bad tv-shows
- talking politics
- kissing
- traveling
- to be cared for
- to care for
- nudie jeans
- dress up parties
- looking up facts
- spooning
- cooking
- drinking good wine someone else picks
- responsibility
- carefree times

Not skating - yet

I have not skated since Berlin - it's been a choice but also because of different circumstances. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE to skate, and I LOVE rollerderby. But it's been kind of nice that for a few week to say: "sorry, I can't I am sick" or "sorry, I can't I have other plans" or even "Sure, that sounds stellar, let's meet at 19.00" instead of always saying " Sorry, I can't I have rollerderby"

Right after Track Queens in Berlin, I felt soo ready for 2013, we got medals, the team felt really strong and I felt strong. I still feel very much like 2013 will bring so many amazing things to Stockholm Rollerderby, but I just don't feel as pepp about it, not as ready to pick everything up all-over again and GO, GO, GO....

But maybe that is OK... 2012 is now just CHILL and KILL... I want to enjoy times with my friends, I want to do things because it's fun! AND I do want to start working out again... me and Becky are ready for some outdoor bootcamps... crawling in the snow high intensity... AND we have decided to pick up rugby during 2013.

2012 was a great and really REALLY shitty year... so I'm gonna take all teh great things from 2012 and enter into 2013 with lot's of energy and plans... 

When the SNOW came to Stockholm

I left home in a rush and wore the wrong shoes, this ain't no weather for heels, worked while blizzard was raging outside, I felt joy. I came home and my block had a black out and I had to take a shower in the dar with candles lit. And then I wore better shoes and made my way out again.

And when I came home... there was a black-out

this is what it looked like in the mornig

Stockholm Rollerderby are now full WFTDA members

And to celebrate that we had cake!

I decorated this one, maybe I have a future in this line of work?

New boots to keep the walk in

I fell in love with Nancy Sinatra a looong time ago, in my early teens, I remember getting my first Nancy Sinatra CD at some store in NYC on some trip to visit friends... I don't know why, but I know that "those boots are made for walking"  was what I first found. I adored Sinatra, I listened to her all the time, but not only her but Hole, Bikini Kill, Candy Suck, Levellers, Marlene Dietrich, Edith Piaff and an interesting mix of old school and newschool punk, not to talk about the electronic music I danced nights away too. I had about as an eclectic taste in music back then as I do now. I would lecture anyone on the unfairness of society and make out with all my female friend on the subway... to provoce, but also because I probably was a little closeted lesbian... who would have known...

I had big boots and I stopmed around in Stockholm, shaved head and thinknig I was TankGirl, I loved those boots, I got them in London with my mother, she would not lert me get the steeltoe ones, so my first boots were certainly not steelcaps, but they were bought in London, so I guess that was cool enough... I am quite sure this was not hte kind of boots that Nancy Sinatra were singing about... but it was what I imagine she meant.... I think my mother might have thrown them away when I left Stockholm at the age of 17-18, since I at that time only wore skater shoes...

 Well, I don't know... but it makes me sad... they are gone and I been thinking about buying a pair of new boots for years and years but I guess I just have not been ready until now. I just have not found  a pair that fit me, I am about as picky with my boots as I am with my skates... and this weekend I finally found the boots I wanted in my size...

It is winter here, it was about time, things are changing, I need to make my mind up, what lays ahead... I want to explore a whole new world in my boots... my converse gets to wet... 

My walk to work

My new boots that will take me places when they don't give me blisters no more

Swedish Skating Association network meeting

Reps from different leagues in Sweden are meeting in Gothenburg to discuss the future of Swedish rollerderby.

My rollerderby break is not going so good... It was supposed to happen right after Berlin...

I am not going to scrimmage - since i am too tired and still dont really feel like I'm 100% back from that darn flu that was followed by a cold.