Nov 1, 2015

Today I played rollerderby again... and it was fun

I was expecting to finish this season with Gotham, it was what I trained really hard for the entire season. Becoming better, stronger, faster and smarter, playing together with a team where each and every skater were just working so hard to do the same. I am not going to lie, being a Gotham Allstar is hard, both on your body and mentally but rewarding.
I miss my team very much, and when I got my visa denial I got upset, very upset. I am not going to lie, it was not only because of the derby, it was also a matter of the heart and that I had looked forward so much to begin a masters in something that I really really felt right about.
It has been a two really tough months, watching things fall apart around me, missing friends, being a little lost, missing my team, missing that one friend I spent so much time with, loosing myself a little
They do say that when one door closes another opens, so I enrolled in school here, taking classes towards what I want to do. Went to Paris and saw one of my best friends, spent time with my family, picked lingonberries in the woods up north, picked mushrooms in the woods outside Stockholm. Worked out with friends at Good To Go, ran in the woods, hung out in the Sauna, went to Helsinki and saw friends. I recovered my body and thought a lot on things that I really want to do. Places that I want to go, things I want to learn that aren't rollerderby. I realized that there are also other things in life that are great and exciting and everythign does not have to revolve around rollerderby...

I have been stressed out and I've lost almost five kilos, emotional stress, so many feelings... I have cried, I guess it is OK to cry. I have been pissed off and I have made jokes about everything, to ease the stress. I've written letters and put thoughts and feelings into print, some I sent, others I didn't.

Well, so with that said, all this made me not really feel like playing rollerderby. I love rollerderby, but I just didn't feel like it. I wanted, but I didn't want to. It has been nice being able to just go for dinner with friends instead of going to practice. I've watched so much Netflix and been drawing like crazy. I have written poems and short little stories.

But today I decided to go to Stockholms practice, they had a guest coach from Australia. So I spent the day at my moms place making labels for the lamb meat (slaughter was yesterday) she was vacuum packaging while my brothers and stepdad were chopping the lambs up. We had a big family lunch and then I got a ride back into town. I cam home and I sort of didn't want to go, but I did. I did miss skating... I FaceTimed a little with Nut, and I decided... YES I AM GONNA GO TO PRACTICE!

And it was superfun! I am really happy I went! I missed it, there are things I have not missed about derby, but I for sure missed playing and practicing. It was two hours of FUN! Yeah! I probably will go to more Stockholm practices now, and I am going to watch Gotham kick ass this weekend. And I will be proud of my team and I will see all the things we worked on all season be implemented in perfection, because I know how hard they have worked for this! And I will enjoy it, I will be supersad that I cant be there to play or even to support. But I will be watching with friends here and I will make the best out of what I have here and now. Because we do what we can with what we have!

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