Just a rant about food...

Life is an adventure, and some of us plan our adventure and some of just live it. 

I like to think I am somewhere in between. There are a few things I have always wanted, some of them I have gotten, some of them I haven't.

So a few weeks ago I wrote that I was going vegetarian, because I believe in more sustainable living, with the side effect of healthier eating. It is going really good, I've had meat a few times, but it has only been moose that my stepdad shot or lamb from my moms own. For me that's accceptble, and it will stay that way.

I will admit that I did watch Cowspiracy, and it did inspire me a little extra to eat as vegan as possible. My largest obstcle was that I LOVE milk in my coffee, and to be totally honest... there is nothing like cowmilk in your coffee... until I meat Oatleys iKaffe... I bow to it... I can drink that and ENJOY it. Becasue food is to enjoy, and not just to quickly shove in your mouth just to open it up for another bit.

Food should for sure taste good, and I try to cook good food. It makes me happy when people compliment me on my food or/and eat a healthy amount of it. The past week I've baked three times, twicce this amazing bananabread and once swedish style cinnamon and cardemon buns.... SO good!

I do start every morning with throwing an apple, half a carrot, weathgrass powder, spirtutlina powder, some celery, a bunch of spinnache and some water and mix it til its about smooth... 

VOILA, best breakfast ever! 

How we live our lives...

I love the north, I grew up on top of the world, I grew up in dark and snowy winters and short but light summers. I grew playing freely in the woods of Dalarna and the Stockholm archipelago, learning to swim in freezing water. I learned crosscontry skiing on my grandmothers lawn in Sågmyra and downhill at a small hill in Bjursås, I did hit a fence, they forgot to teach me how to stop. Otherwise there were not many fences in my childhood, you just walked right out into the woods and climbed trees and cliffs. It went dark and you came inside.  My daycare in the Stockholm suburb was across the street from my parents house and we had a huge playground that was forrest and very little concrete. I remember when the local stable moved, and donated a bunch of saddles to the daycare. We put them up on the railing of the house and played horse. We all wanted our own horse, but no one could afford it or had parents that would allow it. My parents worked fulltime, like all my friends parents did, I always came early to the dayscare, Mom dropping me off before work, picking me up late when it was dark outside and I was the last one left. The kids that were there until late always got a snack, I remember carrots. Chopped and peeled carrots, floating around in water, not to turn brown, watery carrots, thats the taste of parents working late.

In the summer we would sail, go from island to island and sleep in the boat, me, my mom, my brother and my father. For two weeks the sailboat was our home, me in the back, my brother in the front and my parents in the middle separated bythe table we had dinner at. I learned how to set sail and navigate and how not to fall off the boat. In the evenings my dad would let me lay my head in his knee and he wold read books for me or just make up tales about trolls and other magical creatures living in the woods. We would meet many other familys sailing, and sometimes I would play with other kids on other boats.

There is a magic in the nature and the city kills me slowly... The bars, the smiles, the stress, the makeup, the constant want for more, it eats us alive and we start to think it is the only way we can live. That by being recognized by others, validates us, makes us real, we polish ourselves and hide the imperfections...
Everyone striving for a minute or two in the spotlight, and for what?

I would never say that we should not strive for what we want, but for me, I want to hike a mountain, I want snow, I want the smell of winter or pine trees warmed by the sun in the summer. I want to sail with the wind coming across, with the boat leaning a tad. I want an life with adventures, not in the bars comparing how many shots I can drink, I know I can do this, I know I can win. I know I am pretty with makeup. I know I can talk about nothing with people that dont care about me, and that I probably dont care about.

Life is not about looks, diets, plastic surgery and having the most likes on Instagram. It is about waking up, filling your lungs with fresh air, going down to a lake to take a swim. It is about watching your partner read a book while you plan your next adventure. It is about grabbing your skis and heading into the woods, it is about sitting and looking at the garden you grew and thinking what you are making for supper. I want to be kind to others and get the same back, I want to teach and be taught. Do something for myself, but also for others.

 This is the life I want for myself... oh  and of course I wanna rollerskate too

Drinking water straight from the ground, eskers are natural filters for water. 

Today I played rollerderby again... and it was fun

I was expecting to finish this season with Gotham, it was what I trained really hard for the entire season. Becoming better, stronger, faster and smarter, playing together with a team where each and every skater were just working so hard to do the same. I am not going to lie, being a Gotham Allstar is hard, both on your body and mentally but rewarding.
I miss my team very much, and when I got my visa denial I got upset, very upset. I am not going to lie, it was not only because of the derby, it was also a matter of the heart and that I had looked forward so much to begin a masters in something that I really really felt right about.
It has been a two really tough months, watching things fall apart around me, missing friends, being a little lost, missing my team, missing that one friend I spent so much time with, loosing myself a little
.
They do say that when one door closes another opens, so I enrolled in school here, taking classes towards what I want to do. Went to Paris and saw one of my best friends, spent time with my family, picked lingonberries in the woods up north, picked mushrooms in the woods outside Stockholm. Worked out with friends at Good To Go, ran in the woods, hung out in the Sauna, went to Helsinki and saw friends. I recovered my body and thought a lot on things that I really want to do. Places that I want to go, things I want to learn that aren't rollerderby. I realized that there are also other things in life that are great and exciting and everythign does not have to revolve around rollerderby...

I have been stressed out and I've lost almost five kilos, emotional stress, so many feelings... I have cried, I guess it is OK to cry. I have been pissed off and I have made jokes about everything, to ease the stress. I've written letters and put thoughts and feelings into print, some I sent, others I didn't.

Well, so with that said, all this made me not really feel like playing rollerderby. I love rollerderby, but I just didn't feel like it. I wanted, but I didn't want to. It has been nice being able to just go for dinner with friends instead of going to practice. I've watched so much Netflix and been drawing like crazy. I have written poems and short little stories.

But today I decided to go to Stockholms practice, they had a guest coach from Australia. So I spent the day at my moms place making labels for the lamb meat (slaughter was yesterday) she was vacuum packaging while my brothers and stepdad were chopping the lambs up. We had a big family lunch and then I got a ride back into town. I cam home and I sort of didn't want to go, but I did. I did miss skating... I FaceTimed a little with Nut, and I decided... YES I AM GONNA GO TO PRACTICE!

And it was superfun! I am really happy I went! I missed it, there are things I have not missed about derby, but I for sure missed playing and practicing. It was two hours of FUN! Yeah! I probably will go to more Stockholm practices now, and I am going to watch Gotham kick ass this weekend. And I will be proud of my team and I will see all the things we worked on all season be implemented in perfection, because I know how hard they have worked for this! And I will enjoy it, I will be supersad that I cant be there to play or even to support. But I will be watching with friends here and I will make the best out of what I have here and now. Because we do what we can with what we have!